I am a firm believer in the idea that we can chart our own paths and the environment we were born into doesn’t have to define who we are. But there is something to be said for our experiences when we are children and how we perceive the world.

Like sponges, kids absorb all the experiences they have when growing up. They are easily shaped by these beliefs. For example, if you were told that the sky was orange growing up and there were no challenges to that belief, you would believe it. Why wouldn’t you? If the adults around you say it is so, it must be, right? But they are human and flawed in their thinking as all humans are.

We all have different perceptions of what is, based on what we were taught to believe. When I was a kid, I believed it was quite normal to yell when fighting with my family. Because we always fought that way, I just assumed everyone did. As I got older and would spend time at friends’ homes, I realized that not everyone handles conflict that way.

When I think of “the apple never falls far from the tree” I really see it as a starting point. It can give us insight as to why we believe what we believe. With that insight we can begin to observe and challenge some of our faulty ways of thinking. And by the way, if you have some faulty ways of thinking, chances are, whoever you got them from, learned it from someone else.  

How did your childhood shape your beliefs/traits? What did you grow up believing was normal? Do those beliefs make sense as an adult and compatible with who you want to be as a person?

You have an opportunity to break unhealthy patterns and ways of thinking. Chances are the adults in your life when you were a child had some patterns they broke, too. The cycle can break, and you can teach your children different.

You can determine who you are. You aren’t stuck being like your family if you don’t want to be.

Our comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. We find comfort in our daily routines, relationships and how our life is simply because it is what we know. It is our safe space, where we feel comfortable with who we are and how we have created our life. The problem is, by staying in that same place not challenging ourselves, we stagnate. We stay where we are because we are scared of the unknown – whether that unknown is horrible or great. And without those challenges, triumphs and failures, we are incapable of growth.

The truth is, when we venture outside of our comfort zone, we become vulnerable to rejection, failure or feeling alone. But the flip side is that we also create opportunities for ourselves to experience to acceptance, success and feeling connected to others. And those who allow themselves to experience discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories, are the ones who truly inspire and touch others.

The truth is, you cannot afford to live in potential for the rest of your life. At some point, you have to unleash your potential and make your move.

You have to be willing to take the risk to get the reward.

Fear of uncertainty and what will happen always trips us up. We might get to a point where we are ready to make our move, but then fear sets in and we retreat back to our comfortable place. We tend to confuse fear with danger. Let’s look at the difference between the two:

Danger: The possibility of suffering harm or injury. A person or thing that is likely to cause harm or injury.

Fear: A strong, uncontrollable, unpleasant emotion caused by actual or perceived danger or threat.

Notice that danger is an action – something that presents a very serious potential outcome of harm. This could be an action you take, or another person takes against you, or just simply being in a situation that is dangerous.

Fear is not an action. It’s an emotion. It is a feeling about something that has yet to happen. Its intensity is so powerful that it can impair and skew our judgment when determining what is truly a threat.

When you feel overwhelmed and want to seek comfort, ask yourself if what you are feeling is real danger, or the emotion of fear. Remind yourself that life is happening for you, not to you. Whenever you step out into the unknown, you have the opportunity to grow more than you can imagine.

Learn how to embrace uncertainty.

When we are desperate, we will try anything, even if is unlikely to work. But sometimes, it is in our darkest times that when we have nothing left to lose, that we take a shot and win. Sometimes, that sliver of hope is all you need.

When you feel like giving up, remember this:

• You haven’t come this far, to only come this far.
• The moment you are ready to quit is usually right before a miracle happens.
• Instead of looking at how far you have to go, look at how far you have come.
• Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.
• Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.
• Even your worst days are only 24 hours long.
• When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.

I’ve talked a lot about how discipline equals freedom. I first heard this idea on Jocko Willink’s podcast. And as crazy as it sounds, I never had thought about how discipline could mean freedom before. But it makes so much sense.

We all know that motivation will only get us so far. We aren’t going to be motivated every day to work out or do what it takes to reach our goals. What will carry us through those times is discipline. And discipline doesn’t come from anything external – it comes from within.

When you take complete ownership of your life, you take responsibility for yourself.  You see, it’s easy to fall into the trap of a victim mindset by believing that you don’t have a choice. While you may not be responsible for certain things that have happened, you are responsible for your response and what you choose to do – even if you choose to do nothing. And if you choose to do nothing, that’s totally okay if you are good with it.

But if you want freedom and to be more than who you are today, you must choose discipline. There is no easy path to anything great.

So how can you become more disciplined?

1.) Understand your why. Why are you doing this? I find that writing down all my reasons why am I doing something and reviewing it first thing in the morning keeps me focused and disciplined. It reminds me every day what I am playing for, so to speak.

2.) Do what you need to do when you don’t feel like doing it. I know, that sounds pretty obvious. But it can be really hard to do when you don’t have motivation. What I find helpful is using the Pomodoro Technique. Say I have to complete a project that I feel overwhelmed by. I break it down into manageable chunks and set a timer for 25 minutes. For those 25 minutes, I focus on the task at hand and block out everything else – which are usually my excuses about why I can’t do it or get into the right mindset to do it. When the timer goes off, I take a break. And usually, just by forcing myself to take action, I am able to get into the right groove and mindset.

3.)  Become intentional in what you do. All lasting changes you make in your life come from the small choices you make, consistently, every single day. Know what you need to do and make a conscious decision every day to do those things. Understand what your pitfalls might be and have a plan on how you will combat those things.

4.) Forgive yourself when things go wrong but keep going anyway. There are going to be timeswhen you will fall short of your own expectations or fail at being disciplined. That’s okay – it means you are human! When you fall down, get back up, dust yourself off and get after it. When things don’t go according to our plans, we tend to feel overwhelmed and second guess what we are doing. It’s kind of like when you’re trying to eat better, and you overindulge in one meal and the rest of the day becomes a free for all mini game of making bad dietary choices, because, you know, you can just start fresh tomorrow. Acknowledge what happened, take it as experience for the future, forgive yourself and move on in the direction you want to move in.

You cannot force someone to hear your message if they aren’t ready to receive it. However, there is incredible power in planting small seeds of how things can be different. Everyone has their right to their own feelings, what they choose to believe and whether they choose growth. Sometimes a good idea, or new way of thinking can take root and flourish – it just takes time.

Creation of any idea starts with a single seed. It stays buried in the soil, covered in darkness, without any evidence that is there. But beneath the surface, it’s forming its root system into the ground and it’s taking in nutrients and water. And it remains there, patiently growing into something greater than it was. All without calling attention to itself.

If you want to plant a seed in someone, lead by example. Show someone that things can be different in a subtle way and let them come to their own conclusions. Let them be the ones to embrace the seed and grow into something beautiful.

I’ve probably said this a thousand times – Our time here, on this planet, is limited. We don’t know when our time will be up. Yet we often put things off or wait for the “perfect” moment to make our move. If we don’t know how many trips we have around the sun, why are we waiting? What life event must happen to us to push us out of our comfort zone and finally take that leap of faith?

Nothing in this life is impossible. If you are alive and still breathing, there is a still a chance. If you choose to not make your move, well, then, it is impossible.

This summer I wrote about how we need to stop saving things for special occasions. We tend to save things for special occasions or wait to get started on things. We wait until we are thin enough, have enough money in the bank or when we will have the time. Spoiler alert: we often never have the time. We have to make the time for the things that are priorities to us.

But while we are waiting for conditions to be perfect, life happens. Time passes. And we never begin. The truth is, you cannot afford to live in potential for the rest of your life. At some point, you have to unleash your potential and make your move.

Remember, our comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. We stay in our safe space because it is known, it is certain. We don’t have to face the possibility of failing. But anyone who has ever done anything great has failed many, many times. They know that failure is just experience. So, what are you waiting for? When are you going to make your move?

Often times we get lost in our own lives – whether it’s our own struggles, dramas or even happiness. We forget that we here as part of something much bigger. I believe we are all here for a reason, for a purpose. When you think about it, every encounter we have with others, has the potential to change their life…You see, we are all connected. And I know this sounds dramatic, but let me tell you a story…

In the summer of 2016, my husband and I were on a huge road trip that spanned nearly two months. We were in one of my favorite places, Carmel-by-the-sea, California. We had spent time here before and fell in love with this small beach town and were excited to be back.

Unfortunately, there were parts of this trip where we were fighting. And I guess it makes sense that two people being with each other 24/7 would eventually get on each other’s nerves. But this time it was different. In the middle of a really stupid argument, my husband said he wanted a divorce.

I couldn’t believe that our fighting had escalated to the point where divorce was even on the table. I asked him if he really meant it. Still angry he shouted yes; he wanted a divorce. I was devastated. He said we should make plans for me to get up to the airport in San Jose, and he would continue on the trip alone.

I had booked reservations to our next few destinations already and I began to cancel them on my phone. When my husband saw what I was doing, he lost his shit. He was actually mad at me for cancelling our upcoming plans! I calmly told him that we are currently making plans to drive up to the airport and drop me off there…from my point of view, this trip was over, at least for me, and he could figure out his own accommodations.

It was at that point, things calmed down and he said he didn’t really mean what he had said and he wanted to continue the trip together. But the truth is, I was upset because this wasn’t the first time a minor disagreement had blown up into a massive argument, where in the end he would say things like this. I was over it. I was sick of being screamed at and threatened. And I had spent so much of my time planning out and prepping for this trip, I was mad that he just wanted to bring me to the airport, so he could go do everything I had planned out for us alone.

After talking things through, we decided to continue our trip together. But we were both mentally and emotionally drained from all the drama. And we both still had some frustrations about the situation.

The next morning, we were walking to our car, and a man approached us in the parking lot. My husband and I started making small talk with him. We asked him if he was local to the area and he said no, he just looked around and said, no, he was just passing through. He started talking about how important it is to have gratitude in life, even when things are going bad.

Then looked at us and told us how God didn’t want us to divorce. We hadn’t even mentioned that we were married, but he could have seen our rings. He went on to say that couples give up too easily these days. He said that there is something special and important about us being together as a couple and that we should always work through our problems. We were both speechless and had no idea what to say. We wrapped up the conversation with him, keeping things light. I felt emotional, though, and I know he sensed it. He kept eye contact with me and paused at the end, nodded, and went on his way.

When he was gone, my husband and I turned and stared at each other. We literally didn’t know what to say. I wondered if this man could have overheard our fight, but I don’t think it is possible. But even if he had, how often do complete strangers interject themselves into issues between a married couple? Not many.

But what this mystery man did was disrupt our pattern of being grumpy after a big fight and helped us see things from a place of gratitude and rationality. His message about divorce felt like we were meant to receive it – which is so weird, I know. Who randomly says the things he said to us? But talking with him helped us see all that was going right between us than what was going wrong.

Sometimes we hear what we need to hear from the most unlikely places. Some people just feel drawn to others to tell them what they need to hear. All we have to do is be willing to listen and understand that we are part of something bigger than ourselves.

Sometimes when we look in front of us and see all the hard work and time that is involved in getting to where we want to be, we can feel daunted. Regardless of how many steps are between where we are today and our end goal, we still have to get through it. We still have to show up and take the steps we need to take. Some days you may make more progress and other days, it might feel like you are taking steps backwards. But that is all part of the process.

The truth is, while we are working towards our goals, we are going to have setbacks. Life is going to happen. And sometimes we are going to get knocked onto the ground. And that isn’t our fault, but if we don’t get back up and fight, that is on us.

You see, we get thrown things in life because adversity creates character. It is in our darkest times through the valley that we learn what we are made of. Overcoming these challenges is what propels us into greatness.

Ben Lionel Scott has a video on his channel titled, “I Will Not Give Up”. When you feel like giving up, you need to remind yourself of why you started your journey to begin with. When I feel like throwing in the towel, I watch this video because it helps me reframe my mindset. It reminds me that my success depends 100% on me and how I respond to life’s curveballs.