What we choose to tolerate in our relationships will continue. By tolerating any behavior or situation we don’t want to tolerate, we are showing that person that what we say is intolerable, actually is tolerable, because we aren’t doing anything about it.  

We can struggle with tolerating nonsense for many reasons. Mine have been the following:

• Feeling guilting setting limits and boundaries or that I am being unfair by doing so
• Wanting to save someone or seeing their “potential”
• Fear of being alone
• Poor self-esteem and self-worth, like not believing I deserve better treatment
• Overall insecurity with myself

The truth is, even the kindest person will unconsciously assess what our partner will and will not tolerate. It happens on an unconscious level and is reflected in how they treat you consistently. It is up to us to set appropriate boundaries and love ourselves enough to walk away from a relationship that continuously causes us harm.

If you are an empath like me, you might have challenges with knowing what your non-negotiables or deal breakers are in your relationships. We really have to be able to define those things for ourselves because they are the foundation for our boundaries and us communicating how we wish to be treated.

How you begin to define what are non-negotiables for you is really asking yourself the hard questions about what is important to you in a relationship. Be honest with yourself with what you feel comfortable with and what you don’t. You also have to know what your core values really are. Those are going to guide you as to what is okay and not okay for you. You should also know what things are “nice to haves” but you are willing to compromise on. And these things may evolve and change, just as you do through different stages of your life.

People who are unhappy find comfort in the company of others who are unhappy, too. If you happen to be a relatively happy person, they will try to bring you down, so you are more on their level of misery. They want you to vibrate on their same level of frequency. Whether they do it consciously or unconsciously, these people are emotional vampires who feed off of others.

These people tend to have a victim mentality when it comes to their world view. They tend to be overly critical of others and are quick to judge people. They will misread your intentions and even facts of what happened to fit their world view because they are so committed to seeing everything in a negative light.

The truth is, the universe has an abundance of positive energy and there is more than enough for everyone. What it comes down to is your mindset and how you choose to look at the world. People who are negative have a self-created positive energy deficit. They attempt to “charge” their energy by draining others and creating misery in others so that they feel better about feeling miserable.

I know when I spend too much time around negative people, I feel depleted, usually end up with a headache and feel an overall sense of blah. Negative people are naturally externally focused. They focus their energy on others and seek to bring them down to where their frequency is. 

Positive people on the other hand, look for energy internally. These people usually feel good about who and where they are on their journey. They look at challenges as opportunities and they see failures as experience. They are focused on themselves and do not have a victim mentality. And because they are focused inwards, others naturally feel good vibes and energy when they are around them. They radiate positivity and they give off positive charges to those around them. As a result, we feel better around them because they uplift us and encourage us to be the best versions of ourselves.

Remember that your vibe attracts your tribe. What kind of energy are you?

People can be downright cruel to others – especially on social media or over the computer when they don’t have to physically look at the person they are saying nasty things about. The truth is, people who are haters are coming from a place of lack within themselves.

Spreading rumors makes these people feel better about themselves, without them having to do the internal work that needs to be done on themselves. They will even spread rumors to strengthen their social ties with other people they wish to fit in with.

There was a time in high school that people spread rumors about me. And at the time, I was mortified, and I was convinced that everyone believed what was being said about me. I felt awful and dreaded going to school. I would avoid eye contact in the hallways because I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me.

But the people who really knew me found these rumors ridiculous and completely unbelievable. And to my astonishment, they came to my defense when people said nasty things. At the time, I had been feeling so insecure about myself that I legitimately worried that just by someone else spreading lies about me, everyone would believe it. And some people did believe it, but they didn’t really know me personally. So, if they didn’t know me, who care if they accepted it? They obviously lacked intellectual curiosity if they just accepted something because someone said it. 

Remember that you are miles ahead of anyone who chooses to waste their precious time to create, spread or accept rumors. Don’t stumble on things that are behind you. If someone chooses to take the time to focus on a rumor about you, that says more about who they are and nothing about who you are.

Why waste the limited time that you have on this Earth to get caught up in unverified stories when you can be focusing on so much more?    

We were all born to fly. But sometimes finding the courage to let go and see what happens terrifies us. We forget about how capable we really are. We worry about what others might think if we just go for it. Maybe when we assess risk, we aren’t considering our own resilience. Perhaps we stay grounded because it’s safer, it’s easier.

A few months ago, I wrote a post about how a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not in the branch, but in her own wings. She isn’t relying on the branch to keep her safe. She knows that if the branch breaks, she will be okay because her trust is in her own abilities and she will fly away. You can read the full post here.  

Let’s take a look at a few ways you can boost your confidence and trust in yourself and your own wings:

• Be an independent thinker. Be free to voice your own opinions and thoughts about things. No one has to agree with you or approve of your position. Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

• You do you. Regardless of what friends or family think you should do, don’t just go with what they think because it’s what they want. If you value their opinion, hear them out and give it consideration. But go with your gut and what you ultimately want for yourself.

• Embrace the idea of complete ownership. Here’s the good news and the bad news: You are completely responsible for you and your life. When you accept full responsibility, you will gain experience and be amazed at the kinds of things you can navigate on your own. You will become more resourceful. And as you do this, you will build confidence in yourself – even when bad things happen. Because you learn how to get through these times and become more resilient.

Where do you need to trust in your own wings more? Think about the things you would do if you had the courage to do them…and then go do them.

It is a person’s will, determination and persistence that determines success. You aren’t going to be motivated every day. There are going to be days when you want to give up. But keep going anyway. When that little voice creeps into your head and says you should just throw in the towel, think about why started to begin with.

Stay firm about your destination, but flexible about how you get there. It’s okay to have a bad day. Just make sure that you get up the next day get back at it. Be consistent in what you do daily to get yourself to your goal.

When you feel like giving up, remember this:

• You haven’t come this far, to only come this far.
• The moment you are ready to quit is usually right before a miracle happens.
• Instead of looking at how far you have to go, look at how far you have come.
• Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.
• Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.
• Even your worst days are only 24 hours long.
• When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.

Are you persistent about your goals and following your dreams? What can you start doing today to get closer to where you want to be?

We find comfort in our daily routines, relationships and how our life is simply because it is what we know. It is our safe space, where we feel comfortable with who we are and how we have created our life. The problem is, by staying in that same place not challenging ourselves, we stagnate. We stay where we are because we are scared of the unknown – whether that unknown is horrible or great. And without those challenges, triumphs and failures, we are incapable of growth.

We may choose to stay in unfulfilling jobs, relationships and situations because it’s the devil we know versus the devil we don’t know. Some of us are so scared of being alone that we rationalize staying in relationships that aren’t healthy or where we aren’t happy. Why? Because it may be crappy, but at least we know what to expect. And we don’t have to be alone.

The truth is, when we venture outside of our comfort zone, we become vulnerable to rejection, failure or feeling alone. But the flip side is that we also create opportunities for ourselves to experience to acceptance, success and feeling connected to others.

When I was 15, I went on a youth group outing to learn how to rock climb…which was totally out of my comfort zone. I wasn’t very athletic, and my friends and I hadn’t really considered all that was involved in the process. In the middle of trying to scramble up the rocks, my feet and hands were incredibly sore, and I felt like I was just suspended along the rock face, with no idea how to pull myself up. I called out to the youth leader at the top of the rock to let me back down to the ground because I couldn’t make it up the rock. I was practically in tears. Thankfully, he pushed me to figure out how to do it. He told me that climbing up the rock face was as much mental as it was physical and that I could do it. After a while, I figured out how to get up to the top of the rock.

Hanging on the side of the rock taught me that I had much more mental and physical strength than I thought I had. I never would have discovered that about myself if I hadn’t gone on the outing or if the youth leader didn’t push me outside of my comfort zone when I wanted to give up.

While we grow by succeeding at new things outside of our comfort zone, we grow more by our setbacks, failures and disappointments. We learn more about what we are made of, what we are capable of, who we are and who we want to be through the dark times. If we want to reap the benefits of growth, we have to open ourselves up to the universe and all its possibilities.

It’s inevitable that we will feel fear while standing at the edge of our comfort zones, ready to take that leap into the unknown. You may find yourself wondering what if you fall when you step out of the known…but what if by doing so, you end up flying?

Some of us will spend countless hours stressing over something or obsessing about an outcome that may or may not even happen. Worry is an emotion fueled by fear and it is our way of coping. It takes up a lot of time and energy, which are our most precious commodities. It’s time and energy that you will never get back, whether what you are worried about happens or not.

Imagine forking over $100 for every hour that you worried about something you can’t control over your lifetime. How much money would you be out? And what would you have to show for it? Only 1% of what we worry about happening ever actually happens.

Here’s the tricky thing about worrying. It gives us a false sense of control over a situation we feel powerless in. If we think the problem to death and think of every possible outcome (which is impossible, by the way!) we think we will be prepared for it happening. Even if there’s only a 1% chance of it actually happening. It is a distraction from us focusing on what we can control – which is our response to feeling powerless.

If you find yourself worrying about something you don’t have control over, ask yourself what is making you feel powerless. For example, say you’re worrying about losing your job. You’ve done the best that you can in your position, but your employer is downsizing. If you stay focused on worrying about losing your job, you’re stuck because there’s not much you can do to influence the outcome.

But maybe the real issue behind your worry is that you’re concerned that if you lose your job, you won’t be able to find another job, or that your skills aren’t as relevant as they could be. This is good news! These concerns are something that you can work to have some control over. You can start looking for new jobs to see what’s out there. You can reach out to old connections and network. You can take some classes to gain new skills that will make you more marketable to new prospective employers.

By focusing on your own feelings of powerlessness in the situation, you can dig a little deeper to understand what is fueling the worry. Then you can take inventory of what you do have control over in that situation – which will put you in the best position to handle whatever happens.

What are you spending time worrying about today that is beyond your control?

Karma is a reliable force that inevitably comes – whether good or bad. We often need to remind ourselves that what goes around comes around. And when we have been wronged in some way, it is especially difficult to just trust karma will take care of it.

We all give off energy in the world. If someone is a positive person, they radiate positive energy. If they look at things negatively, you will quickly get a sense of that energy, too. And negative energy can be draining.

That’s not to say if we make a mistake and hurt someone that karma has it in for us. We all make mistakes and do things we regret. But if you consistently behave in a crappy way to people, eventually that negative energy will come back to bite you because you end up creating your life around the vibes you put out.

If you have been putting out positive vibes and you’re just not getting a break, be patient. Karma works in your favor, too. Good things will come to you because you are putting out positive vibes.

Remember that we attract people who mesh with our vibes. If you are a positive person, you will find it difficult to spend time around negative people who see the glass as half empty all the time. If you are a positive person, you see that the glass isn’t even half full – it’s refillable. So your world view will be at odds with someone who is negative and it will be harder to spend time with them.

Remember your vibe attracts your tribe. What kind of vibes are you sending out?