It is human to lose perspective when it comes to gratitude and the idea that our time here is limited. We always think we’ll have time to do the things that really matter, that are really important to us.

If we woke up every morning, appreciating the fact that we are still breathing and have this full day to live, all the things that weigh on our minds as big deals would just become the small stuff.

For most of us, time is what we want the most, yet we use the worst. We believe that we have all the time in the world. But tomorrow is promised to no one.

When I think of making the most of life every day, I want to live like I am dying. Because we are all dying. I want to take risks and chances. I want to tell the people I love how much they mean to me. And for some reason, I always I think of Mr. Saito in Inception saying to Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Cobb, “Do you want to take a leap of faith? Or become and old man filled with regret waiting to die alone?”

Life is too short to stay angry, feel bitter, not take chances and most importantly, waste your time on things that aren’t really going to mean anything when you look back at your life. Are your posts on Instagram really going to matter when you are close to taking your last breath? Is working 60+ hours each week really going to have mattered?

When you haven’t had something in a long time, and you finally have it, it tastes amazing. I grew up outside of New York City in southwestern Connecticut. I was very used to both Italian Style and New England Greek Style pizza. When I moved across the country, I never thought I would miss Italian food, especially pizza, so much. I just assumed that you could get an authentic pizza anywhere in the US. Boy, was I disabused of that idea very early on.

For years, whenever we would visit home, the trip wasn’t complete without a visit to Pomodoro, a restaurant we used to frequent often when we lived there for a hot bowl of pasta fagioli soup and Italian style pizza. It’s a small, cramped, loud place, but we loved it. We also usually made it to one of the many Greek restaurants that served New England Greek Style pizza. It was truly a treat for us because we could only have it on our visits.

Through the years I have only found one restaurant on the west coast that does pizza right. I found it in one the most unexpected places – Carmel Valley, California. On our first trip to Carmel, I found the small pizza place in a quiet strip mall one night and we have been back every single time we are in Carmel. It is a taste of home on the opposite side of the country.

When we lived in Connecticut, we went into NYC often and got pizza. Or we’d have pizza night at home and get take away from one of the local Greek places. When we had it as often as we did, we kind of took it for granted. It wasn’t as valuable to us, or a “treat” because we could have it whenever we wanted.

Our appreciation of food from “back home” is dear to us, simply because we don’t get to have it often. It tastes amazing because we have it so infrequently.

I like to think that ideas and writing that gets you to think for yourself has far more influence on people than the use of force or violence. When you plant seeds of ideas, that others can think about and evaluate on their own, it takes root in the person’s mind and can become something big. And ideas can take people anywhere.

Think about all the people in this world who are willing to die for what they believe. Those beliefs came from somewhere. They were ideas of some kind that resonated within them and became so much part of who they are, they would die for it. And they teach it to others and spread those ideas, because they believe they mean something.

One of my favorite directors is Christopher Nolan. He is most known for writing and directing The Dark Knight trilogy. But he has written and directed many others that were almost released too early for their time because of the kinds of ideas that were espoused in the films. His movies like Interstellar, Momento, Inception and The Prestige all have ideas sprinkled throughout the film that make you think of things differently. They challenge you and make you question whether what you are seeing is reality. It’s powerful stuff.  

Another place where written words impact us on a deep level is music. How is it that music certain songs can bring us back to a totally different time and place? Certain music instantly brings be back to my childhood or teenage years. The root it has taken in me, even decades ago, is still there, as strong as ever. It’s so potent that not only can I remember that time in my life vividly, but I can also feel it. And it is beautiful. It’s such a strong feeling for me, that if I am having a bad day, just listening to certain music from days passed helps reset my mind and I feel better.

Why is that we take so much comfort in religious texts? For many of us, we live by those words that are written. And we choose it willingly because those words and ideas have taken such a deep root inside us, it has become part of us.

What ideas have stayed with you? What do they mean to you?

You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. No one can be 100% consistent with matching their words to their actions 100% of the time. But you should be able to see a pattern with them that reflects a good amount of consistency.

I often say that it is important when someone hurts you to pay attention to whether or not they continue to do those things. It’s hard to stop getting mad at the clown for being a clown and start asking yourself why you keep going to the circus.

If someone knows that they are hurting you and they continue to do so, their actions say it all. What you have to do is decide what you are going to do about it. Are you going to continue to stay in that situation? It’s okay if you are. Maybe whatever there doing is tolerable, even though it hurts, and you’ve made the decision that it’s worth it. But maybe you’ve begun to outgrow the circus.

There are many reasons why people choose to stay in situations that they have outgrown, too. Certainty is a big reason. Sometimes having children together are, or your financial situation. For me, it was my own insecurities that made me stay in toxic environments for far too long. 

But what I do know is, is that we cannot afford to live in potential of what we could be or the life that we can have for the rest of our lives. At some point, we have to make our move. And I can tell you from years of experience that staying in an environment where you are constantly hurting will erode not just your self-esteem, but everything about you. And it will take a long time to heal yourself from it.

Are the people in your life consistent with their words and actions? Are you consistent?

Songbirds sing, or vocalize, to communicate. They have songs and calls. Their song is more musical, and, in most species, it is only the male who sings. He will do it to attract a female or to warn other male birds to stay away from his turf. It is basically related to courtship, breeding, and territoriality.

Bird calls, however, are used by males, females and immature birds to communicate every day. Whether they are communicating warning of predators or to signal food, they will usually be a short chirp, trill, or whistle.  

Songbirds work together, which is why they are vocal in their communication. But birds of prey of are a completely different animal. By their nature, they are solitary, defending and hunting on their individual territories. You may see vultures together feeding on a single carcass. Harris hawks are an exception, too, as they will hunt cooperatively in packs. But for the most part, a bird of prey is on his own. When he seeks a mate, he will be vocal, but he also asserts his dominance of his territory with aerial displays. These physical displays are also known to attract mates or strengthen the bond with his current mate.

A bird of prey doesn’t have to vocalize their presence. It is felt and known by his mere physicality. He doesn’t have to threaten vocally. He can be perched there, quiet, yet his strength felt without making any sound at all.

When it comes to us humans, I have always observed that confidence is silent and insecurities are loud. Those who feel the need to talk or sing more than the average bear are likely being driven by something underneath the surface that we cannot see.

I also subscribe to the idea that you come from a position of power and strength when you can remain calm and quiet in high conflict situations.

Let’s look one situation and two different responses:

Situation: A husband finds inappropriate messages between his wife and a co-worker by accident on her phone one night before bed.

Response #1: He gets upset (understandably), confronts her and they talk for hours about the relationship, what has transpired, how they are going to remedy it, etc. Then they go to bed emotionally drained.

Response #2: He is upset (understandably) but remains calm. He collects his evidence (prints out the messages), puts them in a safe place and goes to bed. Sleeping on it has allowed himself to compose himself. Before heading off to work, he hands his wife the copies of the messages as she sits at the kitchen table drinking her coffee. He simply tells her, “This is not the kind of behavior one expects from their spouse who says they value their marriage.” Then he goes off to work. 

Response #2 can be hard to do when you feel betrayed and hurt. But the second response demonstrates strength. In some ways, this man’s reaction is scarier because he hasn’t lost his shit, he is very composed and has just basically told her that her actions are not actions that a woman who values their marriage takes. He’s logical and rational. And she knows what she did isn’t okay, and he doesn’t need to hear her say it. To him there is no acceptable reason to behave that way, so he isn’t going to talk about it with her. The other things is, we also have no idea what he’s going to do next. And presumptively, they are going to have some distance from each other before they can sit down and address this issue. This in itself can be anxiety provoking.

The bird of prey kind of person doesn’t have to talk big or have long conversations about something. They can simply state their feeling or intention and leave it as that. Their presence and the way they carry themselves speaks volumes, so they don’t have to.

In an earlier post, I talked about how to understand the difference between your intuition guiding you and your trauma misleading you.  While we didn’t choose the trauma that happened to us, we do have the ability to choose how we heal from it. Our wounds can become wisdom.

There is power in channeling our wounds into wisdom. Wisdom doesn’t happen by chance or by not having struggle. It is created by the experiences we go through and what we do with it. In a post with the quote, “Broken crayons still color”, I talked about how many successful people have impacted us and shaped the world. These are the people who others thought were crazy or incapable. They went through hell, learned to tell their story and that became a survival guide for the rest of us.

People who wear their battle wounds proudly have a credible platform that truly helps others. Think about it in the world of addiction counseling. The best addiction counselors are the ones who have gone through it themselves. They have an ability to relate to addicts and work with them that someone who is not an addict could do.

Do you remember Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew? I like Drew and he is a great guy. But do you know who really got through to addicts on the show? Shelly, one of the counselors and recovering addict, and Bob Forrest. Bob is a very interesting character and when I watched the show years ago, I never really knew this guy’s story. There is a documentary from 2011 about it called Bob and the Monster. I was fascinated by his story and looking at his history explains why he has been so successful working with other addicts.

Sharing your story and what you have learned along the way can change someone else’s life. What wounds have become wisdom for you?

You have a responsibility to become the best version of yourself, and to bloom. It is also your responsibility to make sure you are living your life in places where you can thrive.  If you aren’t growing and flourishing, you need to take an honest look at your environment. Is it helping you become the best version of yourself or is it dragging you down?

Think about having a flower in a pot. If it doesn’t bloom, think about its environment, right? Maybe it isn’t getting enough light or water. Or maybe it’s too sunny on that windowsill. Maybe the soil is too acidic, so maybe you need to change that. You might move the plant around to a few different places in your home until you find a place where it can flourish.

If you are in an environment with unhealthy or toxic people, they will likely try to convince you that you are the problem. That your environment with them is bad because of you and that they only behave the way they do because of you. They take zero accountability and responsibility for themselves and how they interact with people.

But just because they can’t acknowledge their bad behavior, doesn’t mean you have to live with it. If you know that on some level that the environment you are in right now is sucking the life out of you, you must change your environment. You can’t expect that the other person will stop being hurtful or crappy. Should they? Of course they should. But if they legitimately don’t believe they are in the wrong, they aren’t going to make an effort to change. And just because they can’t acknowledge how they may be contaminating the environment, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

I get how scary it can be to make a change to your environment. And changing that up, doesn’t necessarily mean making a drastic move. Maybe it means instead of spending all your free time with your partner who has toxic tendencies, it’s time to reach out to some friends and go and do something with them. Or maybe it’s time to work on some projects you enjoy and that bring you happiness, rather than be around someone who is negative.

What is your environment like? Is it helping you becoming the best version of yourself, or is it hindering you?

It is not wise to jump into a situation before thinking about it completely and knowing exactly what you are getting yourself into. Whether it’s a business or a relationship, you need to take the time to do your own due diligence before making a big move – especially if that move could have severe consequences if it doesn’t work out. 

In 2009, Bernie Madoff pleaded guilty to operating the largest private Ponzi scheme in history. From the early 1970s to late 2008, Madoff defrauded more than 40,000 people in 125 countries over the span of four decades. When the financial crisis hit in 2008, many of his clients wanted to withdraw their funds, but they couldn’t because Madoff had been using the deposits from them to pay off other investors.

Many celebrities lost millions of dollars in the process. And perhaps they trusted Bernie Madoff because he was renowned on Wall Street as a huge money manager. He was brilliant and founded his own firm at age 22. He is credited with helping develop some of the systems and market structures that moved the stock market beyond the trading floor and gave rise to modern, electronic trading. But at the end of the day, they jumped in with Madoff with both feet.

There is nothing wrong with taking the time to think through a major decision or asking questions that might feel uncomfortable. If you are about to make a big move, you need to know what you are getting yourself into.