From as long as I could remember, I loved books and writing. I loved storytelling and the safe place stories brought me to when I was younger. Even when things were chaotic or stressful for me as a child, there was some comfort in escaping my real world into a world I would rather be in.

As an adult, sometimes there’s nothing better than curling up with an old book and visiting that place again. And I always find that when I spend more time reading fiction, I become a better fiction writer.

But more than that, books that challenge our thinking or educate us can bring us peace. I know for me, especially with my recent medical issues, when I discovered Dr. Susan Love’s Breast Book, I finally felt like I had found some real information about my condition and most of the answers that I needed, were housed right inside that book.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a prolific researcher. My surgical oncologist will hand me a stack of research and studies from medical journals when she knows I am debating different medications or treatment options. I’ve seriously learned more about medicine and how the human body works than I ever thought I would.

You can spend hours researching something on the interwebs. But what I found is that one, there is some serious misinformation out there and when you are dealing with a medical issue, for example, it can make your anxiety much worse. Two, books offer a more organized, coherent wealth of information in one place. And if you don’t find what you’re looking for in one book, there are a gazillion others to pick from.

The other thing I will say, is that books can really surprise you. I was researching characters and vehicles in the Star Wars universe and I bought a bunch of books about it. As I was going through the books, I found all sorts of nerdy trivia and things I did not know at all about Star Wars and our culture at the time. I couldn’t put the book down. I was mesmerized by the connections to other things in our culture that I loved and how certain things came to be in the story and production of the films. I told my husband that had I been searching online for this information, I never would have found it because it was so obscure, you would have had to know exactly what to look for. It was a such a treat and I literally wondered why I rely on internet research like I do for so many other things. What kinds of books recharge you or bring you joy?

I have learned the hard way when it comes to money that getting your finances under control is a major act of self-care. Paying off debt, having a budget and saving for a rainy day does wonders for your peace of mind.

Dave Ramsey has a simple 4 step plan that can help you get you on the right track managing your money.

1. Create a budget.

2. Get on a money management plan.

3. Set a firm financial foundation.

4. Invest and save for your future.

For step 2, he goes into detail with the 7 baby steps you need to take to pay off your debt, save money and plan for your future. Yes, baby steps to financial freedom, Bob (a What About Bob? movie reference).

My husband and I used his plan as the foundation for paying off our own debt, which consisted of student loans, car loans and credit card debt.

According to Bankrate, it is estimated that more than half of Americans have less than a three-month emergency fund. It is also estimated that more than half of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. Nearly 40% of people making more than $100,000 annually say that they live that way. These numbers reflect a huge portion of our population, which means many of us are struggling with the same issue.

As daunting as it may seem, even if you have to start small and save $25 per week, it is something. Even if it takes you awhile to pay off existing debt, it still has to be paid off, so keep at it. Work at it until you have the kind of financial security you need and deserve.

Gold is a soft metal, coming in as 2.5-3 on the Mohs scale, while iron is 4.5. But gold has a much higher density than iron. Gold has significantly more protons and neutrons in the nucleus of each atom than iron does. So, each gold atom weighs almost four times as much as each iron atom, making it heavier. Obviously, you would need significantly more volume gold, though, to weigh the same as iron. 

When it comes to comparing the two, it comes down what each is made of. Just like the same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg.

It doesn’t matter your size or possessions that you may have. At the end of the day, what matters is what kind of person you are and what you have chosen to do with the cards you have been dealt.

I’ve seen some ‘beautiful’ people behave in incredibly ugly personalities. Or people who look like they have it all, like a huge house and a perfect marriage, living in turmoil and emotional pain.

Train your mind to know that often times things aren’t what they seem. Even salt looks like sugar.

Strength is developed when you overcome all the things you thought you couldn’t. Maybe that is loss, in the form of the death of a loved one, or your partner deciding after 25 years of marriage they don’t want to be married anymore. Perhaps it’s a scary medical diagnosis, loss of your job, physical injury or any situation or circumstance that you once felt you’d never be able to move on from.

It is only by going through these dark times, that who we are and what we are capable of becomes clear. As Dolores says in Westworld, “When you’ve been in the darkness long enough, you begin to see.”   

Remember, the same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg. It is all about what you are made of, not the challenges and hardships that get thrown at you. And just as a side note, so far in this life, you have already survived 100% of what has happened to you.

What are some ways you can withstand life’s curveballs when they get thrown at you?

1. Change your thinking from this is happening to me to this is happening for me. Welcome struggle and adversity. It shapes your character and allows you to build confidence and resilience in yourself. Maybe the obstacle you are facing is the way. Maybe you have to go through these trials and tribulations so you can advance to the next level. What lesson is this trying to teach you? What wisdom and/or experience will you gain by what is happening right now?

2. Believe in yourself. I know it sounds cliché, but like Steve Jobs said, it is always the crazy people who think they can change the world that actually do. Sometimes when you approach a situation with the idea that you are going to “fake it until you make it”, a funny thing happens. You end up building confidence and your willing to take more risks.

3. Ask for help when you need it. A lot of us really struggle with this one, myself included. The truth is, we all need help sometimes. And for the most part, people will want to help you. Sometimes just having someone to vent to about your situation and unburdening yourself for five minutes makes a huge difference. Saying what is troubling you out loud to another person can make you feel less alone. For me it helps me feel refocused and recharged to deal with the situation.

When we go through setbacks and challenges, we can begin to feel like these trials and tribulations won’t ever end. But don’t confuse these things that are happening along your journey with your final destination.

It has been particularly difficult for everyone in the last two plus years with the pandemic. Coach Pain has a great motivational video that touches on that and how when we are going through hard times, we need to hold onto hope and let go of hopelessness:

Most of the time, we only get one shot at something. In The Dark Knight Rises, Bruce Wayne is in a prison, and he feels defeated because he can’t make the climb out of the pit. Every day people trying to make the climb up the cobblestone walls of the pit. They wrap a rope around their waist because if they fall, they will die.

After many failed climbs, Bruce begins to feel defeated, worried that he will die there while his city burns to the ground. One night, a fellow inmate tells Bruce to make the climb. Bruce asks how. And he tells him to make the climb without the rope.

Bruce literally had one shot. Without the rope, he was taking a huge risk – death. But by not taking that risk, he was also facing death in prison.

Like Shakespeare said, expectation is the root of all heartache. When we start expecting things from others, we set ourselves up for disappointment because other people are inevitably going to let us down because they are human.

We receive messages from society that happiness is created by fulfillment of our expectations. The problem is that our expectations tend to be focused on external things we can’t control. And when we base so much of our well-being on those things, we become outcome dependent. In turn that can turn us into becoming controlling of other people and things because we are trying to get those needs met. 

When we come from a place of abundance and find gratitude for even the smallest things, our perspective shifts. Because we don’t expect anything or believe we are owed anything, we can appreciate everything that comes our way. We know that we are accountable and responsible for our own happiness and our experience. Everything else that happens becomes a bonus.

We tend to forget this idea in our closest relationships. In an older post, I went into detail on what healthy love looks like. You can check it out here.  

Expect Nothing. Appreciate Everything Meaning

The saying “Expect nothing, appreciate everything” helps us feel both gratitude and acceptance. When we expect nothing, we can view the world through a healthier lens. We accept that neither the world, nor anyone in it, owes us anything. When we lack this expectation we do not feel disappointment when things do not go as we planned. Likewise, when people do not act the way we wish, we aren’t troubled by that disruption.

Appreciating everything means we recognize and value what we have in our lives. It might be small or ordinary. Instead, of wanting more, we treasure what we have. It’s about finding joy and meaning in the present moment and in the things we often take for granted. Maybe you feel an appreciation for a kind gesture from a stranger. For others folks, nothing compares to the beauty of nature. I know for me, some mornings I’m just grateful for good health.

More than anything, when we can appreciate everything, while expecting nothing, we protect ourselves from a terrible disease.

Fighting off the Disease of More

During his tenure with the Los Angeles Lakers, Pat Riley spoke often about the “disease of more”. The single best cure for this disease is having a healthy attitude of gratitude. Riley explored the idea in greater depth in his 1994 book, “The Winner Within“. The subheading on the book hints at the overall message: A Life Plan for Team Players.

It is so easy in our social media saturated society to crave more. More things. More likes. Or even, more clout and status. But when it comes down to it, those are expectations. And that’s why we need to be mindful of this saying. It is almost like a superpower for contentment.

Choosing to be Content

When combined, these two concepts encourage a shift in perspective that can lead to a more fulfilling and contented life. If you choose to not expect anything, you open to the door to more pleasant surprise. Likewise, fewer expectations lead to far fewer disappointments. Meanwhile, appreciating everything can increase one’s overall sense of happiness and well-being.

This philosophy aligns with psychological research that suggests gratitude can have numerous benefits for mental health. Researchers at UCLA Health linked gratitude to reduced symptoms of depression, improved mood, and stronger social relationships. Moreover, studies from both HelpGuide.org and Psychology Today show gratitude can reduce stress hormones and improve psychological health by reducing toxic emotions such as envy and resentment.

In summary, the saying “expect nothing, appreciate everything” is a reminder to live with a grateful heart, to be content with what we have, and to find joy in the simple things in life. It’s a mindset that can lead to greater satisfaction and a more positive outlook on life.

Resources to help you expect nothing and appreciate everything

I have mentioned before how much I love the Five Minute Journal. I am sure I have bought about six of them in the last few years. For me, the best part is using it to record the things I am grateful for. And when I get to the end of the journal, I can look back on a months of things I truly appreciate.

There is so much power in seeing my own handwriting to remind me how blessed I am. Try it for 30 days and then let me know how much it changed your life.

When you think about it, 99% of the things that we fear and worry about never happens. Yet we stay stuck in a pattern of living our daily lives shackled by these fears that will likely never come to fruition. Why are we living our fears rather than our dreams?

Worry is an emotion fueled by fear and it is our way of coping. It takes up a lot of time and energy, which are our most precious commodities. It’s time and energy that you will never get back, whether what you are worried about happens or not.

Can you imagine putting $20 in a jar for every hour you worried about something you have no control over? Over your lifetime, how much money would be in that jar? Doing this is like making payments on a debt you may never owe – especially since what you worry about happening only happens 1% of the time.

Worry is a sneaky little thing. It gives us a false sense of control over a situation we feel powerless in. Then if we focus on the problem and every possible outcome (which is impossible, believe me, I have years of experience with this one!) we think we will be prepared for whatever comes our way. It gives us a false sense of security but what it really is, is a distraction. What we should be doing and what is more effective, is focusing on what we can control – which is our response to what is coming.

Many times, people worry because they feel powerless in how they will respond to a situation. For example, say you’re worried about being laid off. You’ve done the best that you can in your position, but your employer is downsizing. If you stay focused on worrying about losing your job, you’re stuck because there’s not much you can do to influence the outcome.

Ask yourself what is the worst thing that will happen if you get laid off?  You might say that you will never find another job…but that isn’t true. It may take you a long time to find another job, though. So, what can you do about it now to prepare yourself for this possibility?

You can start by taking an honest assessment of where you are in your career. Maybe your skills aren’t as relevant as they could be. What can you do to make your resume more attractive to prospective employers? You can start looking for new jobs now to see what’s out there. You can reach out to old connections and network. You can take some classes to gain new skills that will make you more marketable to new prospective employers.

By focusing on your response and what you do have control over, you can empower yourself rather than fret about things that may never come. And if you don’t get laid off? That’s great! But it’s also great that you have created more options for yourself by networking with others and learning new skills. Should a layoff happen in the future, you will be better prepared.