As a fan of all things 80s, Ghostbusters was probably my favorite movie before The Goonies came out. A couple of Halloweens ago, a local movie theater showed the 1984 film on the big screen, and we didn’t miss it.

When Ray, one of the ghostbusters, tells the malignant entity Gozer the Gozerian that she has to cease her supernatural activities and go back to where she came from, she asks him if he is a god. And Ray answers…no. She then tells him that they need to die and attempts to kill all the ghostbusters.

After they are able to recover from being zapped and nearly blasted off the rooftop, Winston, one of the other ghostbusters, tells Ray, “Ray. Whenever anybody asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”

The lesson here is faking it or telling a little white lie sometimes is acceptable. Especially if you are in a scary situation, like I don’t know, dealing with an ancient, ultra-powerful, malignant entity from another dimension who wants to destroy the world.

Sometimes things just don’t feel right. There’s a feeling inside of you saying something is off. I’m sure you’ve had this happen to you before. You might have ignored this feeling and then found yourself in a bad situation, or maybe you listened and avoided something completely catastrophic. That’s called a gut feeling, and it comes from your intuition.

Humans are master rationalizers, and rationalizing things can be dangerous. We often do this in two ways. The first is by understanding problems in black and white instead of seeing the grey area or a creative solution. Not everything has to be looked at as polar opposites like yes or no.

The second way we rationalize is by ignoring what our heart or gut is trying to tell us. Your heart and gut send and receive inputs to and from the brain to help us make decisions, so we need to learn how to listen.

There are quite a few things that can get in the way of listening to your intuition, and it’s essential we lay them out for you to avoid possible misjudgments in the future. It’s also important to learn the difference between your intuition guiding you and your trauma misleading you. I wrote about it extensively in a post you can find here – but here is the gist of it.

Overthinking

Overthinking is probably the biggest obstacle to intuition. It is paralysis by analysis. If you put too much thought into every decision, you can easily justify or rationalize a decision in a counterintuitive way. It often leads to confusion. Sometimes, it’s best to meditate when you have a big decision.

Bias and Prejudice

Bias is the opposite of overthinking. Bias and prejudice come from a place in the brain that can quickly make judgments and decisions based on previous experiences instead of reason.

Other People’s Opinions

It’s all too easy to listen to other people’s opinions, especially people you love and trust, which can lead you astray from your path and destiny.

If you want to become a master at listening to your intuition, we’ve broken it down into three steps.

1. Slow down and clear your mind. The first thing you should always do when trying to make a good decision is slow things down. This will help you process the information you receive more productively. Allow yourself time and space to sit and clear your mind of any distractions before trying to tackle a decision.

2. Listen to your head and your heart. Your head and your heart often have differing opinions. The heart wants what it wants, even when the mind knows what’s safe. You need to be able to take both into account if you’re going to have the whole picture.

3. Pay attention to how your gut feeling makes you feel inside. Your gut will speak to you in different sensations. A positive gut feeling may be accompanied by a sense of warmth, the ability to breathe more easily, a wave of goosebumps, or relaxation. These feelings are often affirming. A negative gut feeling can come in the form of cold hands, a chill, a clenching pain, nausea, or a sense of being on high alert. These feelings are warnings.

When you have a desire to create positive change in your life, you will usually need to create space for it in some way. This is usually a process of releasing anything that is no longer serving you, as well as releasing anything that conflicts with the new outcome or situation you want.

For example, if your desire is to experience better physical health, you will likely need to make some changes as far as your diet and physical activity are concerned. And this is especially if you have unhealthy habits which directly oppose your intention to be healthier. Likewise, if you wanted to start a new business or even improve an existing one, you would need to devote more time and attention to it. That might mean sacrificing the time and energy you were expending on other activities.

In all areas of your life, you are always sacrificing one thing for another. You can choose to sacrifice your dreams and desires by remaining stuck in old habits, or you can let go of those unproductive activities and move forward to create something better.

It’s understandable if you might feel some resistance to letting go of the old conditions, simply because you may have gotten comfortable with them. Maybe you have been repeating the same patterns for years, and you feel unsure about your ability to do something new. Maybe your unhealthy habits have even become coping tools that help you manage stress, so you’re reluctant to let them go.

However, refusing to release unproductive patterns only keeps you stuck in a state of limbo, unable to move forward and create more satisfying experiences in the future.

One good way to diminish any resistance you feel is to spend some time thinking about the new conditions or outcomes you wish to experience. Call to mind detailed images about how much happier you will be once those changes have been established. Imagine yourself smiling, feeling happy and excited about the new and improved conditions of your life. Try to feel those pleasant feelings as you focus on the images.

And now ask yourself, “Are these outcomes worth the small amount of temporary discomfort I might endure? Am I willing to let go of anything that’s holding me back from receiving what I truly want?”

At first you might feel uncertain about that, but the more you focus on the fact that you will be gaining so much more than you will be losing, it will be easier to commit to the changes. As your confidence and determination grows, following through with action will be the natural next step.

Once you have begun this journey, don’t be surprised if you waver between determination and doubt at times. Change is always a bit challenging, but simply keep reminding yourself that the sacrifice is well worth it. Say frequently, “I’m willing to give up anything that holds me back from what I truly want. This discomfort will pass, and I will be so glad that I persisted.”

Soon, you will move beyond the initial discomfort and begin to feel exhilarated about the changes you are making, and you will know then that you made the right decision.

A lot of us struggle with perfection in various areas of our lives. Perfectionism is rooted in the belief that your self-worth is based on your achievements. It’s different from being a high achiever in that high achievers are motivated to do their best whereas perfectionists are motivated by fear of how they will be seen by others, and they are paralyzed by the idea of failure.

Perfectionism will usually show up as someone fixating on imperfections, trying to control situations, working hard, or being critical of the self or others. Ironically, perfectionists end up accomplishing less and end up stressing themselves out more than high achievers do.

So how can we overcome our perfectionist tendencies?

1. Be mindful of your perfectionist thoughts. Notice when you have thoughts of something needing to be perfect. It might even be helpful to journal what thoughts and triggers you have when you feel the need to be perfect. This will help identify how the cycle starts in our brains.

2. Challenge what you see. When we are feeling like things need to be perfect, we tend to see only the negative, because that’s what we need to fix, right? For every negative thing you notice, challenge yourself to find two to three things that are positive. For example, if I am struggling with a project for work, instead of looking at all that is wrong with it, I can acknowledge that parts of the project that came out good or at the very least I am satisfied with.

3. Change how you see mistakes and criticism. Instead of seeing mistakes and criticism as a statement about your value or taking them personally, see them as opportunities where you can improve. This is great information to have to help you grow and become better.

4. Focus on meaning and how what you are doing feels, rather than how it looks. When you are doing something, instead of focusing on how you or something looks, focus on how you feel about the experience. Say you make a meal for a you and a friend and you are focusing on the meal be presented perfect and tasting perfect. Instead, try to focus on the conversation and enjoy spending time with your friend. Allow yourself to enjoy the experience and time together.

In Alcoholics Anonymous a common adage is, “we are only as sick as our secrets”. I think one of the biggest driving forces behind addiction is disconnection from other people. Our addiction or secrets that we keep cause us to feel more alone and disconnected than we’ve ever felt before. And it’s a vicious cycle. Because the more we carry in secrecy, the harder it is to make connections with others that might help us feel less alone.

One of the most compelling Ted Talks I’ve heard was from Johann Hari who said that everything you think you know about addiction is wrong. He talks about how disconnection from others is at the heart of it and it’s fascinating. It totally changed the way I looked at it.

Addiction aside, people harbor all types of secrets. And when we keep secrets, not only is our mental health deeply affected – so is our physical health. Research has linked keeping secrets to increased anxiety, depression, poor physical health and more rapid progression of disease. And when you think about it, keeping a secret is exhausting! You have to be on guard when speaking to make sure you don’t say something you aren’t supposed to say. You may have to do things regularly to evade being “found out”. To keep your secrets, like Madeye Moody would say, you need to employ constant vigilance!

As stressful as it all is, the real problem with keeping secrets isn’t even the concealment of it. It’s the fact that you have to live with it and think about it. And this is where we can get stuck in our own heads. Whether the secret you’re keeping is something that happened to you or it’s something that you have done or are doing that causes you to feel like a fraud, those feelings ignite shame in us.

As Brené Brown says, shame needs three things to grow: secrecy, silence and judgement. But shame cannot survive being spoken about and receiving an empathetic response from someone who you’ve shared your secret with. Think about times when you had a secret, and you finally broke down and told someone. I know for me, when I have confided in just one person and they express understanding and compassion, I immediately felt a huge weight lifted from me.

Interestingly, even if you confide in just one person, it’s obviously doesn’t reduce how often you have to work to conceal the secret with others. But what it does do, is it reduces how often your mind wanders towards the secret at various times.

When I was volunteering at Crisis Text Line, one of the most common themes I saw was texters expressing a sense of relief at the end of the conversation. For many people using the service, they were confiding secrets that they had never told anyone before. And as counselors, just by providing validation and empathy, it made a huge difference to the person on the other end of the conversation. Just telling another soul, even via text message, what they were experiencing made them feel less alone. And I can honestly tell you from counseling a lot of people there, many of us feel alone, but we are all struggling with the same or similar things.

What secrets are weighing you down? Who is one person you feel would be safe to confide in?

In Breaking Bad, Walter and Saul talk about the best way to launder money from their drug business. Walter’s wife Skylar wants to him invest in the car wash business he used to work at. But Saul advises against it because the owner could become suspicious when it comes to cleaning the money through the business. Instead, he suggests a laser tag place. Ultimately, Walter and Skyler buy the car wash and use it to clean the money. But during the conversation, Saul makes the point that if you are committed enough, you can make any story work.  

This idea holds true with what we believe about ourselves and our abilities. I’ve talked a lot about the law of attraction and how what we believe about ourselves and the world around us directly impacts our experience. When we believe that there are opportunities available for us, we will see them. But if we believe that we never get what we want and are always getting screwed over, we will search for experiences to confirm those views we have.

When we are committed enough of seeing things a specific way, that becomes our story. It is what we believe. Think about it like this. Have you ever had a goal that you couldn’t reach, and you kept giving yourself reasons why you were failing? Could those have been bullshit stories you were telling yourself about why you couldn’t do it? Perhaps by committing to those thoughts and reasons why you couldn’t do it, they became part of your story.

What story about yourself are you committed to?

There are millions of people on the internet ready to criticize you at any moment for your hair, outfit, opinions, and even your business or creative projects. With so many views out there, it’s more important than ever to stand tall and authentic in who you are and what you do. Sometimes that can be difficult when dealing with low self-esteem or a large influx of criticism. But there’s one rule always to follow when it comes to criticism: if you wouldn’t take advice from that person, you shouldn’t take criticism from them, either.

As an aside, a couple of months ago, I told you guys about how when my husband and I started our YouTube channel how we had some serious haters in the comments section. Now it is comical that I ever felt any kind of insecurity about what was being said, but back then it really hurt. You can read all about it here. But I can honestly tell you, there are tons of people out there who don’t have their own YouTube channel where they post content, people who don’t really understand the topic you are talking about and haven’t researched extensively like we have and have no real knowledge at all about how to write and edit videos. Yet in the comments section, they have a plethora of advice for us! If it isn’t constructive criticism, it would be pretty foolish to take their advice, wouldn’t it?

When you take advice from someone, it means you trust their opinion. Seek out people who you trust who have already done what you’re setting out to achieve. Or consider the opinions of people who truly know you at your core and who have proven over time that they genuinely care about your happiness.

If you feel you are on the right path, listen to your heart, not the naysayers. You are following your truth for no one other than yourself. They don’t have to live with the regrets of giving up or not trying – you do.

If you’re worried about what other people think, here are four practical ways to help you deal with any negative feedback:

Evaluate Their Intentions

The most important place to start is to understand why someone is criticizing you. Often, when people are mean, it is because they’re dealing with something in their personal lives. Look at yourself, what you are doing, and the negative feedback objectively. Is what they are saying rational? If not, accept it for what it is and move on.

Consider If It’s Constructive or Deconstructive

The only criticism you should be taking is constructive. Like I said earlier with our YouTube channel, sometimes people leave criticism, but it’s constructive – and I actually appreciate it because it helps us improve.

Someone who offers deconstructive criticism is okay with hurting your feelings, undermining you, or offending you. Constructive criticism is about providing guidance. This goes along with evaluating intentions; if they are not pure, stay clear.

Consider The Feedback Vs. The Tone

People are emotional creatures, and sometimes they give great advice. But sometimes they say it in an offensive tone. In these instances, it’s important to acknowledge the individual and respond to the feedback politely, letting them know that you see the value in what they are saying. Their response, if any, will likely change to a more respectful tone.

Practice Self-Compassion

We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Sometimes we overlook things, and that’s okay. Own up to your shortcomings when they occur and understand that you’re doing the best that you can. You don’t need to be hard on yourself for being human. Be kind to yourself and practice positive self-talk instead of falling into a place of self-pity or self-hatred.

How do you want to be remembered for your time on earth? This is one of the most important questions that you should ask yourself every day.

It’s important to identify your goal, who you want to be, and how to get there. If you don’t have an idea of who you want to be, or how you want to be remembered, you won’t be able to achieve that. So, think about the type of person you want to be, how they act, the choices they make, and their characteristics. Now think about who you are right now. How similar are the two? How can you change the choices you make and act more intentionally to match who you want to be?

But what is the benefit of living the way you want to be remembered? Here are three reasons why you should live the way you want to be remembered.

1. It helps you determine your core personal values. When we think about how we want to be remembered here on earth, we are forced to consider what truly matters to us. We have to think about our values, which is key in living a fulfilled and satisfied life. When one lives according to their values, they avoid an inner conflict that arises when there is a difference between what they stand for and how they actually act.

Why does this happen? Oftentimes we think we value something, but in actuality it’s what we have been told we must value. For example, maybe you think you value a college education, a high-paying job, and a certain lifestyle. But even after you live according to these values, you feel discontent. On closer look, you realize that a fancy education, job, and lifestyle was what your parents or your neighbors valued, but not you. Maybe you realized you value travel and passion, and because you have been ignoring your personal values, you feel discontent.

Once you get clear on how you want to be remembered for your time on earth, you will get a clearer idea of your value and you can live a life more aligned to those values.

2. It gives you clarity on how you want to show up everyday. Once you know what your values are and how you want to be remembered, you need to start adjusting your choices and actions to reflect that version of you.

For example, if you want to be remembered as someone who did a lot of good in the world, consider how you can do more good today. Maybe you open the door for a stranger, buy a homeless person a meal, or volunteer at a soup kitchen.

If you want to be remembered as someone who was kind and compassionate, think about what you say to others. The next time your colleague is loud in the break room, or your high school friend brags about her life on Instagram, think about what a compassionate person would say.

Remember, if you want to change how you want to be, then change the way you show up in your daily life. It doesn’t matter how big or small the action is; what matters is whether it aligns with who you want to be. Remember, life transformations happen when we change our daily habits.

3. It helps you be more present. By being more intentional about the small choices in your day-to-day life, you are forced to be more present. We are often rushing through life, running behind to-do lists, putting out fires, and focusing on tasks that are urgent. But in this daily hustle, it’s easy to forget about what is truly important. When we consider how we want to be remembered for our time on earth, we are forced to slow down and be more intentional in the present moment.

One of the most important questions to consider in life is how you want to be remembered. Life is short and it often passes us by faster than we expect. We are all perishable items and it’s time for us to live accordingly. So, let me ask you this: How do YOU want to be remembered and what actions can you take today to live that way?