It’s human nature to want to strike back and hurt someone who has hurt you. Most often, you feel as if they deserve to be paid back with the same treatment they showed you. Whether they betrayed your trust or broke your heart, or even seriously harmed you, physically or emotionally, you want them to be held accountable for what they did. But revenge is never worth it in the end. Why? Because it never makes you feel as good as you think it will. If anything, it only makes you feel worse and prevents you from healing. As the saying goes, before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

Doing unto others as they have done unto you means that you are now lowering yourself to their level, and being as heartless, cruel, and cold as they were to you, which only damages your self-worth. Even if, on some level you believe that they deserve to be hurt in return, you still won’t feel good about yourself for doing it. Most likely, you would experience feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment about your vindictive actions.

Even worse, by seeking revenge, you are essentially highlighting a belief that you cannot heal or overcome the pain they caused until you have hurt them in return – which is simply not true. In fact, the desire to strike back and hurt them is fueled by anger, and it’s the very thing that will hold back your ability to heal and overcome the pain. The truth is, the more you cling to your anger, the longer you will take to heal.

Instead, if you will start working on embracing and validating your feelings of anger and allow them a healthy outlet, you will find over time that the anger lessens, and your desire for revenge fades away. You can do this by journaling your feelings of anger or role playing with a therapist. Sometimes just giving a voice to your anger and expressing it helps alleviate the intensity of your feelings.

With every passing day, your heart will heal a little bit more and your inner peace will return. You will come to the realization that hurting others can never make you feel better because it cannot undo anything that was done to you in the past. You will recognize that hatred is harmful and destructive, whether you are giving it or receiving it, and it never contributes anything meaningful to any situation.

Finally, you’ll come to know that love is the most powerful healing force that you have available to you, no matter who or what caused your hurt. As you release your desire for revenge and focus only on healing your inner wounds, you allow the transformational power of love to flow through your body, mind, and spirit. You will quickly reclaim your inner strength and resilience and release any sense of powerlessness or victimization that you were holding.

You will remember that no one else has the power to take away your inner peace or lower your self-worth. Best of all, you will have a deep knowing within that only you have the power to love yourself back to wholeness, completion, and wellness. And that is something that revenge could never have done for you.

This quote has been attributed to various people such as Will Rogers, Walter Winchell, Will Smith and the book Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk. In the movie Fight Club, a variation of this quote is spoken by Tyler Durden.

Let’s apply this a step further. We can argue that not only does advertising have us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need, social media does, too. Tyler concludes that, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” This can also fit influences from social media and reality television.

When we focus on impressing people, we are way too externally focused. Sure, we all love the idea of impressing others. But taken to an extreme, we can begin to focus on how we value ourselves based off what other people think about us.

What things have you purchased to impress people?

Do you ever feel like your thoughts have minds of their own despite your attempts to stay focused? Most everyone probably knows the frustration of struggling to concentrate while feeling like your mind is encased in fog.

Scattered thinking can be caused by a variety of factors, but one of the most common is lazy mental habits. The brain is like a muscle, and it needs to be exercised in order to remain sharp and clear. If you don’t strengthen your ability to think clearly on a regular basis, you will have a more difficult time concentrating.

There are plenty of good ways to strengthen your mental focus, and many of them are even fun to do. Puzzles and games are helpful, including crossword puzzles and number games, or memory games where you need to memorize a series of objects and recite them back in the same order.

Another major cause of scattered thinking is focusing too much on our past and future. When we focus on our past, we tend to ruminate because we can’t do anything to change what has already happened. When we think too much about our future, we tend to get anxious because there are so many variables that can affect it that we cannot control.

One of the simplest and most effective exercises that can improve your focus involves holding an image in your mind, such as a red ball, and keeping your focus upon it for as long as you can. You may be surprised by how quickly your thoughts begin to wander, which will usually be within a minute or two, or even just a few seconds.

When this happens, immediately think about the ball again and hold your focus on it for as long as you can. This is what helps us become more mindful and focused on the present. If you keep doing this daily for 15 minutes, you will notice over time that your ability to stay focused for longer periods will continue to improve.

Another good practice is to focus on a sound in your environment, such as the hum of a fan, or a white noise machine. Sit quietly and give your full attention to that sound for as long as you can. Again, your ability to stay focused on it should improve the more you practice.

Just as your muscles need rest and recovery time, so does your mind. An effective way to do this is by allowing yourself time to daydream each day. Turn off all distractions including televisions, computers, and phones. Set a timer for 15 minutes and think about some interesting ideas.

Imagine something fun happening or see yourself creating an exciting new invention. Ponder the wonders of the universe or think about a subject that has always interested you. Allow your thoughts to wander wherever they want, as long as it’s not on any distressing subjects. This is your time to be inspired by new ideas and awaken your creative vision, so keep your focus positive as much as possible.

Simple practices like these will improve your ability to concentrate and recall important information. But even more so, they will help you to think outside of the limitations of your physical day-to-day reality. As a result, you will likely find that you are increasingly becoming more open to creative inspiration and new possibilities that could benefit you, and even the entire world, in so many ways.

In a world that is often saturated by negativity, it’s tempting to criticize and complain about other people. Sometimes it may seem like they even deserve it. Perhaps they are frequently rude, insensitive, or they seem to go out of their way to hurt others. Maybe their destructive behavior is dragging down the morale of those around them. Or they might even seem to have a superiority complex, so you feel compelled to squash their overinflated ego.

However, when you tear others down, no matter how much you might think they deserve it, you only end up dragging yourself down as well. The more you focus on things that you don’t like and things that bother you or upset you, more of those same scenarios will be attracted into your experience. Complaining only calls your attention to other things to complain about. And the more resistance you feel toward certain kinds of people, more of those people will keep showing up in your life. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe.

Criticizing and complaining usually do not encourage people to change their ways. Instead, they feel attacked and belittled, so they become defensive. And their behavior might actually get even worse. Criticism is also contagious. When other people hear you complaining or talking badly about someone, they often feel compelled to do the same. Some of that criticism will likely be directed toward you at some point. It creates a continuous cycle of negativity that really doesn’t benefit anyone.

One surprising way to help these situations is through the use of positive reinforcement. Everyone likes to be validated and appreciated, and it will usually draw out the best behavior from them. If you can find something positive to say about everyone you encounter, especially the more difficult people around you, their attitude and behavior will often begin to change for the better. They will naturally want to encourage a positive response from you. Their defensiveness will usually fade away, and they will become more agreeable and open to forming positive connections with you and others. Even better, they are also usually inspired to treat you with the same measure of kindness and consideration that you have shown to them.

At the same time, you will be serving as a powerful example for those who are also in the habit of tearing other people down. If you simply refuse to participate in derogatory conversations, and you instead keep injecting a note of positivity into every interaction you have with others, they will feel encouraged to do the same thing. Even if disagreements and misunderstandings may still happen, they will usually be less intense and even have a tone of respect and cooperation, rather than devolving into personal attacks.

Creating a new habit of building people up will take time, patience, and persistence. People often speak without thinking, so they may be in the habit of automatically complaining and criticizing. You may even slip up yourself sometimes, but if you will at least remain committed to trying your best, eventually it will become a new habit so it will require far less effort. No matter how long it takes, it’s still a worthwhile goal that helps everyone, including you, to become the best they can be.

How often do you focus on fitting in? How often do you hide the “real you” from the world? The quote, “The more real you get, the more unreal the world gets,” points out that the world benefits when we share who we really are. When we stop letting the world influence us, we have more influence over the world.

Why it is Difficult to Truly Be Ourselves

If you haven’t noticed, it is common for the world to push back against us when we share our true selves. Here are a few reasons why we often hide who we truly are.

It Can Make Other People Uncomfortable

Our quirks, talents, desires, and passions may not always fit in with social norms, which can make other people uncomfortable. People are uncomfortable with people who are different from them. When we notice their discomfort, we hold ourselves back.

People Tend to Be Judgmental

People can be mean. They may meet differences with disdain, harsh words, or even violence. We judge the things we don’t quite understand because we don’t want to go through the effort of understanding them.

We Think That There Is a Correct Way to Be

From the time we are born, we are taught that there is a correct way to be. There is a correct way to act, a correct way to talk, and a correct course of life. This, of course, isn’t true; however, this belief often causes us to hide who we truly are.

It is Easier to Follow the Trend

Being ourselves is scary and uncertain. We typically find that following the trend, or doing what other people are doing, is much easier than making our own way.

Why The World Needs Differences

Everyone is different. We all look different, have different interests, have different skills, and desire different things in life. If people were meant to be the same, we would have all been born the same.

The truth is that the world needs our differences. The world needs people for all kinds of tasks and purposes. If we were all born with a passion and skill for building, we would have too many buildings and not enough food. If we were all born with a passion and skill for making coffee, we would have too many baristas and no places to live.

We need to learn to embrace our differences in order to bring the most benefit to the world around us.

How to Start Sharing the Real You

The “real you” deserves and needs to be shared. So how do we go about sharing our true selves?

Don’t Think Twice

We second guess ourselves all the time because we wonder how other people will perceive us. Stop thinking twice when thinking twice isn’t necessary. Follow your instincts.

Live Life for Yourself

No one else can control how you live your life. Don’t let other people’s expectations keep you from going after what you want out of life. Do what makes you happy and let other people be uncomfortable. Their comfort shouldn’t dictate your decisions.

Lean Into Your Talents

We all have natural talents that we are meant to share with the world. Lean into those talents and explore how you can use your talents every day to make the world a better place.

Explore Your Purpose

Everyone needs a purpose in life, and knowing your purpose will give you more motivation to truly go after the life you want. Take some time to find your purpose and live in a way that makes you feel fulfilled.

Start sharing the real you with the world to make the world a better place to be. You never know how many lives you will truly be able to touch, just by being you.

Kindness is a trait that is undervalued in today’s society. Everyone is too busy pursuing their own aspirations to lend a warm smile or helping hand to someone right in front of them. However, the world becomes a sad and dismal place without kindness.

This quote reminds me of a complete meltdown I had in my car years ago because someone was kind to me. The truth is, sometimes the power of kindness can make all the difference in someone’s life. So, what is kindness?

What is Kindness?

Kindness is showing compassion, love, friendship, and generosity to another person, yourself, or the world around you. It involves using or giving what you have to help someone else. This includes giving your time, talents, resources, and/or connections.

Benefits of Being Kind

Being Kind Makes You Happy

Sharing pieces of yourself with others is a very rewarding experience. Kindness helps you see how your actions positively impact another person’s life and seeing your impact can give you a greater sense of purpose. In fact, it has been found that kindness releases happy chemicals in the brain like serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins.

Being Kind Makes Others Happy

When you help someone else, you ease their burdens and make their lives better. Showing kindness to other people reminds them of the good that exists in the world and can give them a more positive outlook on life.

Being Kind Reduces Stress

Kindness has been shown to decrease cortisol, which is a stress hormone. Fewer stress hormones mean less stress on the body and mind.

Being Kind Improves Your Relationships

When you share what you have with others and treat them with kindness, you build stronger relationships. When showing kindness to people you do not know, you also open yourself up to forming a new relationship with that individual.

Being Kind Increases Optimism

When you practice kindness or when someone is kind to you, you feel better about the world in general. Kindness makes you more optimistic towards your relationships, your pursuits, and your goals.

Random Acts of Kindness

We can all use more kindness in our lives, and a simple way to practice kindness every day is by implementing random acts of kindness. Random acts of kindness are small actions you can perform randomly throughout the day to spread kindness to other people. These small actions send a ripple of kindness through your community because kindness only sparks more kindness.

You don’t need to plan out your random acts of kindness, but it can be helpful to have a few ideas to get started. Below, are 15 random acts of kindness that you can easily include in your daily life.

• Give someone a compliment.
• Leave a positive comment on someone’s social media or blog post.
• Tip extra when you go out for coffee or dinner.
• Write a thank-you note to someone.
• Talk to the new person at your company.
• Smile at someone who looks like they are having a bad day.
• Clean up the house for your significant other.
• Call your parents to ask them how they have been.
• Make or buy a treat to share at work or school.
• Buy a coffee for the person behind you in line.
• Volunteer at a local non-profit.
• Send flowers to a friend.
• Hold the door for a stranger.
• Tell someone why they are important to you.
• Leave money in a vending machine.

Find one way to spread kindness every day and see what a difference it makes in your life and in the lives of the people around you. You never know…your one act of being nice to someone else may give them the hope they were looking for.

Try running in place for an hour. You’ll never get anywhere, and you will be exhausted. The same is true when we run away from our problems. We run from them, trying to leave them behind, but we get nowhere, and they stay with us.

It often feels easier to ignore a situation or a difficult circumstance. Maybe it is because we fear confrontation or feel scared about how it may turn out. Or perhaps we do not feel equipped or capable of handling the problem. Maybe we lack confidence in handling our problems correctly. In any event, it is a protection mechanism that offers us temporary relief.

When we don’t confront a problem, it never gets resolved. It always lingers. Perhaps we can push it to the back of our mind, and it may even stay hidden there for a while. But as sure as the sun rises in the morning, that problem is going to come out of hiding at the most inopportune time, and you are going to be forced to deal with it. It’s like sweeping dirt under a rug. Nobody knows it is there except you. But eventually, the rug becomes lumpy from all the dirt being hidden under it, and then people start to notice something is wrong.

The same thing is true when we ignore our problems. They start to manifest themselves in other ways in our lives. We become short-tempered. We find fault with others for no reason. We blame people for our problems. We are moody. We live in the present always looking over our shoulders, worried that a problem is going to jump out at us. While it might feel overwhelming (and it certainly is!), know that this is the universe’s way of forcing us to deal with the problem once and for all. By dealing with it, we are clearing space for something better in our lives.

How do you know if you are running away from your problems?

• You may try to change the subject any time someone brings it up.
• You may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to not have to think about it.
• You may try to shift the focus from you to someone or something else.
• You may try to minimize the issue and act like it is no big deal.
• You may deny it is a problem at all.

If you are running from your problems, what can you do instead?

1. Define that the real problem is. Dig deep and understand exactly what you are running from. Things aren’t always as they seem. While consciously you may see the problem as what someone else is doing to you, perhaps the real problem is you don’t know how to respond to that person in a way you feel good about. Define it and consider how it is negatively impacting your life. How is not confronting the issue head on working for you? What fear is this problem fueling inside you? What is your ideal resolution and outcome?

2. Turn the problem into an ally. Understand that often times, the obstacle is the way. Whatever problem you currently have is preparing you for something greater. And maybe this problem isn’t happening to you, it is happening for you. The universe has a funny way of getting our attention. Maybe it’s testing you to see if you are serious about your dreams. Or perhaps the universe has put this issue in your path for a specific reason because there is something you need to learn. Maybe the problem is there as a means to slow things down so you can understand what is really important to you.

3. Brainstorm ways overcome the issue. Write down ways you can overcome the problem. Think of everything you can do within your control to resolve it. Maybe the only thing you really have control over is your response, so focus on that.

4. Ask for help when you need it. You would be surprised at who will really be there for you when you ask for help. And sometimes just sharing our burdens and what we are going through with others helps us because we feel less alone. I know I have felt re-energized when dealing with a problem after sharing it with someone else. There is something about vocalizing my struggles to another soul that helps me re-calibrate and helps me focus on finding a way to resolve it. I walk away with a new perspective and determination to overcome it.

Remember, running away from your problems is a race you will never win. We were born to overcome and grow through challenges, struggles, and hurdles. You have what it takes inside yourself to not only survive this problem, but to thrive by overcoming it.  

In Game of Thrones, Lord Varys and Tyrion Lannister are having a chat and Varys tells him a riddle about three sellswords and asks him who lives and who dies. Tyrion says it depends on the sellsword. Varys challenges that. While the best one that holds a sword may be the one to determine who lives and who dies, he has neither crown or gold or holds favor with the gods. Varys goes on to say if it’s swordsmen who rule, why do we pretend that kings hold all the power?  

He then offers the wisdom that power only resides where men believe it resides. It is indeed a trick. He makes the point that even a very small man (like Tyrion) can cast a very large shadow.

Any person in a position of power only wields it because we say they do. It’s kind of like currency. Why is the currency we hold in our hands valuable? It’s just a piece of paper. But we have assigned different values to it. We all believe it, therefore, it has monetary value to us.