In a world that is often saturated by negativity, it’s tempting to criticize and complain about other people. Sometimes it may seem like they even deserve it. Perhaps they are frequently rude, insensitive, or they seem to go out of their way to hurt others. Maybe their destructive behavior is dragging down the morale of those around them. Or they might even seem to have a superiority complex, so you feel compelled to squash their overinflated ego.
However, when you tear others down, no matter how much you might think they deserve it, you only end up dragging yourself down as well. The more you focus on things that you don’t like and things that bother you or upset you, more of those same scenarios will be attracted into your experience. Complaining only calls your attention to other things to complain about. And the more resistance you feel toward certain kinds of people, more of those people will keep showing up in your life. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe.
Criticizing and complaining usually do not encourage people to change their ways. Instead, they feel attacked and belittled, so they become defensive. And their behavior might actually get even worse. Criticism is also contagious. When other people hear you complaining or talking badly about someone, they often feel compelled to do the same. Some of that criticism will likely be directed toward you at some point. It creates a continuous cycle of negativity that really doesn’t benefit anyone.
One surprising way to help these situations is through the use of positive reinforcement. Everyone likes to be validated and appreciated, and it will usually draw out the best behavior from them. If you can find something positive to say about everyone you encounter, especially the more difficult people around you, their attitude and behavior will often begin to change for the better. They will naturally want to encourage a positive response from you. Their defensiveness will usually fade away, and they will become more agreeable and open to forming positive connections with you and others. Even better, they are also usually inspired to treat you with the same measure of kindness and consideration that you have shown to them.
At the same time, you will be serving as a powerful example for those who are also in the habit of tearing other people down. If you simply refuse to participate in derogatory conversations, and you instead keep injecting a note of positivity into every interaction you have with others, they will feel encouraged to do the same thing. Even if disagreements and misunderstandings may still happen, they will usually be less intense and even have a tone of respect and cooperation, rather than devolving into personal attacks.
Creating a new habit of building people up will take time, patience, and persistence. People often speak without thinking, so they may be in the habit of automatically complaining and criticizing. You may even slip up yourself sometimes, but if you will at least remain committed to trying your best, eventually it will become a new habit so it will require far less effort. No matter how long it takes, it’s still a worthwhile goal that helps everyone, including you, to become the best they can be.
