In today’s interconnected society, honesty and trust form the foundation of any healthy relationship, be it personal or professional. Unfortunately, lying has become all too pervasive, even in grown adults who should know better. When a person continues to deceive others with no remorse or self-reflection, they not only destroy their relationships but also their reputation.

Lies can come in many forms, from small white lies to conceal one’s true feelings, to full-blown deception meant to manipulate others for personal gain. Regardless of the type, lying can cause an array of psychological and emotional consequences for both the liar and the people who are lied to. Moreover, the impact of lying on a person’s mental health and well-being can be significant, leading to severe consequences in other areas of life.

Different Types of Lies

As you come across various situations in life, you might encounter different types of lies. In this section, we will explore three main categories of lies: white lies, prosocial lies, and antisocial lies.

White Lies

White lies are those small, harmless untruths that you might tell to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or to protect yourself from uncomfortable situations. For example, saying you like a friend’s new haircut when you don’t really care for it. These lies are usually told with good intentions, and they help maintain social harmony. You might tell a white lie to spare someone’s feelings or even as a form of politeness.

Prosocial Lies

Prosocial lies, similar to white lies, are aimed at benefiting others or promoting positive social outcomes. These lies can involve withholding or altering information with the primary goal of helping someone else. For instance, you may lie to your coworker about the reason for missing a meeting in order to help them save face in front of others. Prosocial lies demonstrate your empathy towards others and your willingness to maintain social bonds.

Antisocial Lies

Unlike the previous two types, antisocial lies are told with the intention of causing harm to others or for your own selfish gain. These lies can be manipulative and malicious in nature. For example, you might spread false rumors about a rival at work in order to undermine their credibility or to advance your own position. Antisocial lies can severely damage relationships and erode trust between individuals.

Understanding the different types of lies can help you navigate various social situations and make more informed decisions about if and when you should tell a lie. Remember that your choice of lies can significantly impact the people around you and your relationships with them.

The Impact of Lying on Relationships

Trust and Respect

Lying can have a significant impact on the trust in your relationships. When you lie, you damage the foundation of trust and respect that healthy relationships depend on. Each lie you tell creates doubt in your partner’s mind, causing them to question the truthfulness of your words and actions. Over time, this erosion of trust can lead to the breakdown of your relationship.

Intimacy Issues

Lying can also lead to intimacy issues in your relationships. When your partner feels like they cannot trust you, it becomes difficult for them to open up and be vulnerable with you. Emotional intimacy is crucial for a relationship to thrive, and without it, you and your partner may become distant and disconnected. Lying in a relationship can prevent you from developing a deep, meaningful bond with your partner.

Manipulation and Control

When you lie, you may be attempting to manipulate or control the situation to your advantage. This type of behavior can lead to a power imbalance in your relationship, causing your partner to feel powerless and controlled. Relationships should be built on equal partnership and open communication, so using lies to control or manipulate your partner can have lasting negative effects on the relationship’s dynamics and lead to further problems down the line.

Betrayal and Deception

Lying can also create feelings of betrayal and deception in your relationships. When your partner finds out you have lied to them, they may feel hurt and deceived, like they have been taken for granted. Being lied to can cause your partner to question everything, and their confidence in you and your relationship can be severely damaged. These feelings of betrayal and deception can be challenging to overcome and, if not addressed, could ultimately lead to the end of your relationship.

Psychological Effects of Lying

Stress and Anxiety

When you lie, your body reacts by increasing your heart rate, respiratory rate, and even causing you to sweat. This stress response can lead to anxiety, especially if you’re worried about getting caught or feeling guilty about your lie. Constantly lying can make this anxiety worse over time, affecting both your mental and physical health.

Self-Esteem and Shame

Lying can have a negative impact on your self-esteem. When you lie, you’re essentially admitting to yourself that you’re not confident enough to face the truth. This can lead to feelings of shame and lower self-worth as you begin questioning your own integrity and ability to be honest with others.

Rationalizing and Denial

To cope with the discomfort caused by lying, you may find yourself rationalizing your dishonesty or even denying that you’ve lied. This defense mechanism serves to protect your self-image, but it can also prevent you from addressing the core issues that lead you to lie in the first place.

Guilt and Regret

Lying often leads to feelings of guilt and regret. Over time, these feelings can contribute to additional stress, anxiety, and a deteriorating sense of self-worth. Recognizing and addressing the root causes of your lying can help you face the consequences, reduce your guilt, and develop a more honest approach to life.

Pathological Lying and Mental Illness

Symptoms and Causes

Pathological lying is a compulsive behavior in which a person tells false statements without any clear benefit. It can lead to greater distress and impaired functioning in their life. As a grown person, you might face serious consequences due to this habit. Common symptoms include constant lying, a lack of guilt or remorse, and constructing elaborate lies for no apparent reason.

There are various causes for pathological lying, including childhood experiences, underlying mental health issues, and even genetics. Assessing and understanding these factors can help you take steps to address this problem.

Personality Disorders

Pathological lying can be related to specific personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. If you exhibit traits of these disorders, your tendency to lie might be a part of a larger issue. Consulting with a mental health professional can help you understand and manage your situation more effectively.

The Role of Memory and Empathy

Memory and empathy play crucial roles in pathological lying. Sometimes, you might not even realize that you’re lying because your memory of events is distorted. Additionally, a limited capacity for empathy can make it difficult for you to understand the impact of your lies on others. Working on improving your memory and empathy can help reduce the prevalence of pathological lying in your life.

Remember to keep an open mind and be willing to address your challenges. With the right support and self-reflection, you can overcome this kind of harmful behavior.

The Arab proverb, “When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey,” serves as an important reminder for effective communication. The saying highlights the wisdom of delivering truthful messages with kindness and compassion. In today’s world, where information and opinions are rapidly exchanged, understanding the significance of this ancient wisdom can be highly beneficial in fostering better relationships and maintaining a positive atmosphere.

Delving into the origins of this quote, one can observe that the metaphor utilizes the imagery of an arrow to symbolize the impact that truth can have. Just as an arrow can pierce through all sorts of barriers, truth has the power to create deep understanding, build trust, and catalyze change. However, the sharp point of an arrow can also cause harm and discomfort. That’s where honey comes in – its sweet and soothing qualities ensure that the truth can be received more easily, without causing unnecessary pain.

Understanding the Metaphor

The Arrow – Symbol for Truth

In the metaphor “When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey,” the arrow represents truth. Just like how an arrow can fly straight and pierce its target, truth can be direct and powerful in its impact. Sometimes, the truth may be difficult to accept or even hurtful, but it remains an essential tool for growth and personal development. When you, as the archer, aim and shoot your arrow of truth, your goal is to help others see the reality of a situation, not to be harmful.

The Honey – A Symbol for Tact

The honey in this metaphor stands for tact and kindness. By dipping the point of the arrow, or truth, in honey, the message is to be mindful of your approach when sharing the truth. When you present truth, you should try to do so in a way that takes into consideration other people’s feelings and perspectives. Adding a touch of sweetness ensures that your message is not only accurate but also received in a manner that promotes understanding and fosters positive connections.

To fully grasp the meaning behind this metaphor, it’s essential to recognize that the blend of truth and tact creates a balanced method of communication. You, as the one delivering the truth, have the power to present it in a way that can either hurt or help the recipient. Utilizing honey-like tact softens the impact while still ensuring a clear and effective message is conveyed.

Application in Daily Life

Effective Communication

In everyday conversations, you may need to address sensitive topics or provide constructive criticism. By adopting this approach, you can make your words more palatable to the listener. This way, you ensure that your message gets across effectively, creating a positive impact on your relationships and helping you resolve disagreements.

Sharing Truths with Empathy

Empathy plays a crucial role in conveying truths with care. Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes helps you better understand their emotions and reactions. This awareness enables you to choose your words wisely and frame your thoughts with a more compassionate tone.

When you discuss challenging subjects, it’s essential to express yourself with sensitivity. Incorporate phrases like “I understand how you feel” or “It might be difficult to hear, but” to show that you care about the other person’s feelings.

Remember these simple steps to apply the concept in your daily life:

• Choose your words carefully
• Speak with empathy and understanding
• Be prepared to listen and respond to the other person’s feelings

By following these guidelines, you can share the truth with others thoughtfully and compassionately. This will ultimately strengthen your interpersonal relationships and foster trust among your peers.

A clear conscience is often considered the softest pillow, ensuring a peaceful mind and restful sleep. This simple yet powerful concept highlights the importance of living a life with honesty, integrity, and moral values, which in turn, creates a comforting sense of inner peace. When you hold yourself accountable for your actions and remain true to your principles, you can rest assured knowing that you have not caused harm or distress to others.

The role of your conscience in decision making cannot be overstated. Whether it is in personal relationships or professional endeavors, your conscience serves as a guiding force, helping you navigate through challenging situations while staying true to your core values.

In a previous post, I talked about how cheating on a final exam in high school literally haunted me for YEARS. Every now and again, I have a dream about getting caught cheating on the test by the teacher or of the reaction to my family having found out I cheated on the exam so I could graduate. While I can laugh about it now, the guilt I carry having done it is quite a hefty price.

The truth is, in those moments of knowing that I needed to pass that test to graduate, I threw all my integrity out the window because it was easier. And because, well honestly, I wasn’t prepared to deal with the natural consequences that my own behavior and choices had created. I wasn’t ready to take responsibility for my actions. I’m sure some of you have made similar mistakes.

While we can’t retract the decisions we’ve made, we can affect the decisions we’re going to make from here. We can learn an important lesson that can guide us through all other decisions we make.

Role of Conscience in Decision Making

The Mental Faculty of Conscience

Your conscience acts as a mental faculty for evaluating moral decisions. It’s a crucial aspect of your cognitive system that helps you determine right from wrong based on your values, moral principles, and beliefs. By having a clear conscience, you can make decisions with confidence and without fear, knowing that you are acting with integrity and upholding your personal standards.

You can think of your conscience as a guide to ethical behavior and decision making. It serves to alert you to potential moral dilemmas and encourages you to consider the consequences of your actions. As you cultivate your conscience, your judgment becomes more refined, allowing you to make better moral decisions in various situations.

Distinguishing Right from Wrong

Developing your conscience enables you to distinguish right from wrong more effectively based on your personal values and beliefs. Your conscience prompts you to pause and reflect on the moral implications of a situation or decision, factoring in your understanding of right and wrong.

When faced with a dilemma, your conscience plays a critical role in guiding you to make choices that align with your values and moral compass. By making decisions with a clear conscience, you can have peace of mind knowing that you have acted with integrity and made the best choices possible in any given situation.

By focusing on cultivating a clear conscience, you can strengthen your ability to navigate life’s complexities with confidence and moral clarity. This will enable you to sleep soundly, knowing that your decisions are in line with your values, and you have done your best to act ethically and responsibly.

Additionally, having a clear conscience provides several other benefits, such as:

• Improved sleep quality, as your mind can rest easy knowing you have done no wrong
• Increased self-esteem and self-respect, since you hold yourself to high ethical standards
• Better relationships with others, as trust and respect are established
• Lower stress levels, as you have fewer justifications or rationalizations to maintain
• A greater sense of inner peace and contentment

Maintaining a clear conscience can ultimately lead to living a more fulfilling and authentic life. And remember that it is totally okay to make mistakes and have lapses in judgment. Those are the moments in our life that teach us our greatest lessons and help shape us into better versions of ourselves. We learn so much more from bad decisions and failures than we do from getting it right all the time. Be gentle with yourself.

While I think we all intellectually know that one of the definitions of insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result, it is much harder to see that when we are too close to the situation. 

The truth is, change is inevitable, and often necessary for growth and progress, whether in our personal or professional lives. However, many people find themselves stuck in repetitive patterns, hoping for different results without altering their actions. This mindset can lead to stagnation and missed opportunities for positive transformation.

To break free from this cycle, one must recognize the need for change and be open to embracing new experiences, perspectives, and behaviors. By modifying old habits and incorporating fresh approaches, you can set yourself up for success in various aspects of life, including love, relationships, learning, and education.

The Need for Change

Embracing the Reality of Change

Change is a natural law of life, and accepting this reality can help you face the future with courage and energy. No matter the situation in your life, things will never stay the same. In fact, the only constant in our lives is change.  

Beliefs and opinions that may have served you in the past might not be the best guides for a rapidly changing world. By staying open to new experiences, challenges, and realities, you can transform your life and develop more strength and inspiration.

Growth and Progress Through Change

To truly grow and progress as an individual, you must embrace change and even seek it out. When things in your life seem stagnant, take another look at your current situation and ask yourself if you are doing the same old thing.

To move forward, evaluate your actions and determine if they align with your desired future. If not, don’t be afraid to change your direction. As Jimmy Dean said, “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” Making these adjustments may require courage but know that it is this energy and desire for change that will lead you to a brighter tomorrow.

Reinventing yourself regularly is essential for growth. Keep in mind that change, both inside and out, is a permanent part of life. Accept it, adapt to it, and harness its power to become a stronger, wiser, and more resilient person. In this way, you can not only face the challenges of an ever-evolving world but also create a better future for yourself and those around you.

Love and Relationships

Embracing Change in Relationships

Change is a natural part of life, and it applies to love and relationships as well. As you journey through the world, you’ll find that circumstances and desires often fluctuate. Embracing change in your relationships can bring about newfound energy and opportunities.

Take a moment to reflect on past instances where change has occurred in your relationships. Have you ever felt compelled to pick up a pen and rewrite the script of your life? Or have you taken control of your future by making necessary adjustments in your love life? Keep an open mind to change, as it can bring about unforeseen but positive experiences.

Falling in love can feel amazing, but maintaining that love requires personal growth and adaptation. Just as a child grows and learns through books and experiences, it’s crucial to recognize your own role in your love relationships.

Your personal development is essential for maintaining a healthy connection – embrace the pain and fear that often emerge in the process of change. This shift could range from learning to communicate more effectively to addressing deep-seated fears that have held you back in previous relationships. As you navigate this complex emotional landscape, remember that your growth will ultimately benefit you and your partner.

As you take charge of your love life, remember that change is an inevitable part of the journey. Strive to face challenges with grace and acceptance, as this approach will foster a stronger and more fulfilling connection.

Dealing with Resistance to Change

Overcoming the Fear of Change

Most of us fear change because it makes us feel uncertain. We grow accustomed to our comfort zones, forgetting that while it can be a nice place to be, nothing ever grows there. But I can promise you that by choosing to stay there, life isn’t going to get easier. You see, life is hard for two reasons: because you’re leaving your comfort zone, or because you are staying in it.

To overcome the fear of change, challenge your attitude by considering different perspectives. Read a book that offers fresh insights or talk to others who’ve successfully faced change. Embracing different opinions can help you gain the intelligence and inspiration needed to approach change with courage.

In addition, understand that waiting for the perfect moment to change is futile. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, make this moment perfect because there really is never a perfect moment. Start now. You are a perishable item, and your time here is limited. You cannot afford to live in potential.

Breaking Ineffective Repetitive Patterns

Many of us continue to do the same things out of habit. Habit formation and repetition have a strong impact on our lives. They shape our behaviors, thoughts, and feelings over time. While some habits can be beneficial and help us develop a sense of routine, others might be detrimental, limiting our personal growth. Being conscious of our habits and making a conscious effort to change them when necessary can lead to positive changes in our lives.

To break repetitive patterns, you can use various strategies such as problem-solving approaches specific to your circumstances, developing stronger interpersonal skills, and increasing self-awareness. It’s essential to identify the root causes of the patterns and find solutions that work best for you. Reflecting on past experiences and learning from mistakes can play a significant role in breaking these patterns.

The things that tend to break our hearts also give us clarity. Throughout our lives, romantic relationships and friends will come and go, we will experience loss of loved ones and all sorts of tragedies.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I became very aware that the kind of treatment I needed to have to survive would come at a great price. I was diagnosed young but would need to be on medication for years to ensure my survival. It also that meant that it would be impossible for me to carry a child to term without serious consequences to the baby while on that medication. To be honest, out of all of heartbreak of finding out that I had cancer, nothing broke my heart more than knowing that it was unlikely that I will ever become pregnant. Growing up all I wanted to be was a mom.

The thing is, before my diagnosis, I always that I would have the time to get pregnant. We all think we will have time, yet we use time the worst. We put things off because we believe we will have enough time. Someday I will travel the country. Someday I will go into business for myself. Someday I will have a child.

But before you know it, time has passed. And as they say, tomorrow is promised to no one.

You see, “someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. Life is happening now. All we really ever have is right now. We can’t wait for “someday”.

The truth is you are never going to be 100% ready to do anything. You can prepare as much as you’d like, but there will always be some kind of variable and curveball that you didn’t account for. Like Lemony Snicket says, “If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” And honestly, we cannot afford to live in potential.

While it pained me so much to know that I will likely never be able to carry a baby, I also gained invaluable clarity. While this was a lesson I never wanted to learn, I needed to. I discovered what was really important to me and began to prioritize those things. What once was filed under “someday” or “when I have reached X milestone” became my top priority.

In a previous post, I wrote about how I used to save things for special occasions. What I’ve learned along my journey is that being alive is a special occasion…and I am worthy of reaching for all my dreams, right here, right now, as I am. I refuse to wait for someday.

When we are going through hardships, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that they are preparing us for an extraordinary destiny. We tend to focus on what is happening in that moment and can’t see the bigger picture.

This is one of my favorite motivational videos I like to watch when I feel overwhelmed by struggle:

Here are some things to remember when you feel overwhelmed by a bad day or situation:

• You are okay and have already survived 100% of what has happened to you.
• You are stronger now for having gone through it.
• This obstacle is the way.
• What lesson can you learn from this? What is the universe trying to teach you?
• You can move forward from here.
• The struggle isn’t found on the path, it is the path to greatness.
• Things are only as bad as you think they are.
• The light in your life will always outweigh the dark.
• You’re capable of more than you think.
• If there is no rain, there are no flowers.
• It’s okay to not feel okay right now.
• Bad days build better days.
• You have to fight some of the bad days to earn some of the best days of your life.
• Keep your head up. God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.
• Our worst days are only 24 hours.
• It’s okay if all you do today is survive.
• In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.
• Taking the next step is always worth it.
• You still have many blessings that you can make count.

It is human nature to want to see results quickly. We tend to start new diet plans and workout plans with high motivation. The problem is that motivation isn’t always going to be there. You will have to value consistency and discipline over short term intensity.

Simon Sinek simplifies the power of consistency:

When working to be healthier, consistency will always allow for a true lifestyle change. It is sustainable. You don’t have to never eat a sweet again or go long periods of time not having something you really want. You can have it in moderation. As long as you stay consistent and don’t give up because you overate or made a bad choice, you will see results over time.

If you struggle with believing that consistency is really key to success when it comes to food and being healthy, I hear you! For a very long time I had a disordered way of looking at food and my choices. For example, if I overate in one meal, or made a suboptimal choice, I would feel like the day is ruined so I should just start over tomorrow. And it sure sounds crazy as I write this, but it was literally how I thought.

One of the things that snaps me out of that kind of thinking is this idea:

Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat.

Would you seriously shell out $800-$1,000 for a new set of tires for your car because you got one flat? Of course not. You’d be grateful that you only had to replace one of them.

The same can be said when it comes from overindulging or not being on point for a couple of days when working out. Accept that what happened, happened and that you are not going to punish yourself for being human. Then get back at it.

If you do get it right 80% of the time, you will see more results than if you found the “perfect” plan to get healthy. Like Tim Ferris says, “The decent method you follow is better than the perfect method you quit.”

If you dish back what a toxic person gives you, be prepared to be cast as the villain in their story. You see, toxic people condition you to believe the problem isn’t the abuse itself, but instead the problem is your reaction to their abuse. It is gaslighting and crazymaking at it’s finest. And this kind of person is the same one who will stab you, then turn around and tell the world that they are the one who’s bleeding.

While toxic people are master manipulators, they also believe their own bullshit. So, if you do give a toxic person a taste of their own medicine in the hopes of helping them see how they are being hurtful, they likely won’t see it at all. They will see themselves as the victim and you as the abuser.

My advice for dealing with a toxic person is don’t give them a taste of their own medicine, no matter how tempting it might be.

Stephanie Lyn Coaching has a great video on how to effectively respond to a toxic person that you can check out here: