In the 2009 movie, Law Abiding Citizen, Jamie Foxx plays a prosecutor who tells Gerard Butler’s character that he really played him. Without revealing too much of the plot, Foxx offers Butler a way out. He tells him, “A man I cared about once told me that we can’t retract the decisions that we’ve made, we can only affect the decisions we’re going to make from here.” Foxx is telling Butler that even though he’s done some bad things in the past, he can make better decisions going forward.
Sometimes when we make a series of bad decisions, we lose sight of the fact that we can change directions at any point. Perhaps we stay in a state of regret where we ruminate about the decisions we’ve already made. But as long as you are still here and breathing, you can change your direction at any time. It’s never too late.
Here are some ways you can feel more at peace with decisions you’ve already made:
1. Think about “the sleep test”. An African proverb says that, “A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.” Chances are, if you’ve done something that goes against your personal integrity, you’re going to have a difficult time sleeping at night. But that goes the other way, too. If you can sleep well at night without excessively worrying about what happened, you’ve probably made the right choice. If you find it hard to sleep at night, try to learn as much as you can about what you are really feeling about the decision that you made. Think about ways you might be able to improve the situation. If nothing can be done about the current situation, look at this misstep as an opportunity to learn more about how to handle things going forward.
2. Tune into your intuition. If you close your eyes and focus on your heart, how does it feel? When you think about what happened and how it affects your present reality, do you feel open and expansive, or tight and restricted? If you feel aligned with your decisions and maintain a feeling of ease, then, yes, you made the right decision.
3. Understand that things happen for a reason. If you find yourself regretting a decision you made, try to find the opportunity in it for you to grow. Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall into place.
4. Focus on the lesson. A close corollary to the above point is that if that’s how life was supposed to unfold, what did you learn about yourself? About others? Or, life in general? It may be helpful to take out a pen and jot down some of the wisdom gained.
5. Practice self-compassion. Most humans do the best they can with what they have in any given moment. And you, dear reader, are no exception. (Most humans also have a nasty tendency to beat themselves up, wishing they could’ve done better). If this sounds like you, take heart. If a friend made a similar decision (and didn’t feel at peace), what would you say to them? Could you say something similar to yourself? On the bright side, there is a finality about the past that brings relief. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of letting things go. Afterall, every ending has a new beginning. And all we can do is focus on what we have control over and make better decisions going forward.
