In a previous post (09.07.2021) I talked about why we tend to judge others. It’s really just a part of our human condition and a way our brain tends to categorize things so we can move on to the next thing. The problem is, when we judge someone else, we tend to make a judgment about their overall character, not about the specific situation. Our snap judgments can be deceiving. Think about it. How many times have you met a person and came to a conclusion in your head about who they are, only to find after spending an hour with them that they are totally different than what you thought?
When we become too “judgy”, what we are really dealing with is a self-esteem issue, within ourselves. Our egos love to be judgmental of others because it allows us to experience the following:
- We feel superior and better than others, which gives us a fleeting, false sense of self-worth.
- We create a protective buffer, so we don’t have to closely examine ourselves. If we are focused on shortcomings or flaws in others, we don’t have to honestly look at ourselves. Doing so may be too painful or overwhelming because we don’t know how to fix what we don’t like.
- We avoid connection and/or emotional intimacy with others. When we make snap judgments of others, we are building a barrier between us and them. For those of us who are scared of letting others in, this defense mechanism works perfectly because not only are we stopping the connection from happening, our judgments are our rationalizations as to why we shouldn’t connect with them in the first place. It keeps us more isolated from others, and we can’t get hurt.
The best way to stop being judgmental of others is to develop a curious heart. When people behave differently and it is confusing or off-putting, instead of deeming their character a certain way, get curious about their behavior. Why are they acting this way? What’s really going on with them?
When you do this, you are reframing what has happened and making it less personal. We tend to take people’s behaviors personally and many times how they act towards us has nothing to do with us. And when people behave negatively, don’t allow your soul to get entangled with their negativity. Maintain your frame and sense of self and vibrate higher.
