In the movie The Departed, Frank Costello tells a young Colin Sullivan that, “when you decide to be something, you can be it.” What he means by that is that other people may have ideas about what you should be or what you should do with your life, but you are the one who ultimately makes the decision.

For some of us meandering through our lives today, we feel like it isn’t just that easy. We feel stuck in our same patterns and routines. Are we really stuck, though? Well, think about it like this:

Picture yourself waking up in the morning.

Perhaps you silence the buzzing alarm on your phone; perhaps you wake up without it.

You go to the bathroom, take a shower, scrub your face and brush your teeth. You pick out your clothes (and hope no one will notice that you wore this blue shirt last week). You get going.

If you commute to work, you hit Starbucks to get a turkey-bacon sandwich and iced Americano. You flirt with the barista. You always flirt with the barista because he’s always has this fun vibe. 

You arrive at work. Check emails, calendar appointments, and do the thing you’ve been paid to do. You are very busy today. You push buttons. You go to meetings. You check social media when no one’s looking. You deliver projects on time. Most importantly, you do your job.

If you have them, you exchange pleasant words with your co-workers. Maybe you grab lunch with one of them and chat about the big thing that happened on TV last night.

At the end of your day, you travel the same route in your car home. You fix yourself some dinner, scroll through social media and do the dishes. You settle in for some Netflix. Then you get ready for bed and set the alarm for the next day. You think of all the fun things you’ll do when Friday night rolls around and you get to be with your friends.

You drift off into sleep.

This is your life.

Nothing’s terribly wrong with this picture if this is what you want it to be…But is it? You see, we stay mindlessly committed to patterns and routines. Even when they don’t bring us happiness or no longer serve us. We convince ourselves that if we put in all the work now, we will finally be able to live our dreams later in life.  

But the truth is, life is happening now. We have no idea how many trips around the sun we will have. Our time here is limited, and we are perishable items. We simply cannot afford to continue to live in potential. 

Stop waiting for the perfect time to do what you want to do. In Tim McGraw’s song, Live Like You Were Dying, he tells the story of a man in his forties who discovers that his father is dying from an illness. After dealing with the crisis from the diagnosis, his father decides to start living like he was dying. He starts doing all the things he always wanted to do in his life. He loves deeper and develops more meaningful relationships with his loved ones. He chooses to forgive people he had denied forgiveness to. He tells his son, “Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying”.

We are all dying, and no one will get a reprieve from it. We need to start living like we are dying because we are. Who we are and what we do with our lives is entirely up to us. All we have to do is decide to make our move. 

Who do you want to be? What is holding you back from being it? What steps can you take today to get closer to who you want to be?

In life, your circle means having a group of close friends with whom you do things and share similar interests. Studies have shown having a close group of friends is good for your physical and emotional well-being. But not all friends are the same, and some may not be supportive or encouraging. When your group no longer motivates you and starts to hold you back, this is when your circle becomes a cage.

It is easy to become comfortable with a set group of people. You all like the same food, same movies. You have similar fashion styles, and you know the song lyrics to all of your favorite songs and don’t mind singing them together at the tops of your lungs. You have fun together, and that’s good!

But when you start to feel like you need more, that’s when you are going to find out whether your circle is good for you or if it is hindering your growth. As humans, it is natural for us to desire growth. We often feel growing pains at different times in our lives. If you have the right circle of friends, you are going to be inspired and encouraged by them to explore these desires and grow. Maybe it is to go to college or to change careers. In any case, they are going to celebrate your achievements, and it may inspire each of them to set and achieve goals of their own.

On the other hand, sometimes your growth or optimism makes “friends” jealous. They don’t want to see you succeed because then they will feel like a failure. It is easier for them, and selfish of them, to discourage you or make fun of you in an attempt to stop you from trying something new. This is the cage door slamming shut. They like you just as you are because it makes them feel better about themselves. They don’t want the pressure to change or improve. And that is what they will feel if they see you setting and achieving goals. These people are not the right friends.

How can you recognize who inspires you and who wants to keep you in a cage? Ask yourself these questions:

1. Do they build you up or put you down?

2. Do they cheer you on or pout and tell you what you are doing is ridiculous?

3. Do they motivate you or drain you?

Who you spend your time with matters. Remember, we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. People who truly want you to succeed are positive and encouraging, and they motivate and inspire you toward greater things.

People who criticize you for wanting to improve yourself or accomplish something will hold you back. They will make you feel unworthy of something other than what you already have. They will make you feel stupid for thinking you can achieve your goals. They are anchors in your life, holding you in place right where they want you, without any regard for where you want to go.

Don’t be afraid to open the cage and spread your wings. You will find people who support you along the way, and you will be happier.

When you wake up in the morning and see that it is raining outside, how do you feel? Usually, rain causes disruption to our day and makes it more difficult for us to do what we want to do. Rain can be rather annoying, but it is also necessary for everything on earth to survive and thrive.

Life Is Full of Rain and Rainbows

The older we get, the more we realize that life is full of rain and rainbows.

We encounter many negative events or challenging situations (rain) throughout our lives that we need to learn how to handle. These events and situations can disrupt us on our journey to greater things (rainbows).

However, handling the challenges of life is easier said than done.

How to Handle the Rain

When life throws some rain your way, there are ways you can protect yourself and get yourself through the storm.

Use an Umbrella

What do you grab when it’s raining outside? The typical answer is an umbrella. Just like an umbrella protects you from getting wet, a support system can protect you from falling apart.

When we go through challenging times, it is easy for us to keep our problems to ourselves, but we are social creatures and were designed to lean on each other for support. Don’t be afraid to call a friend or family member when you’re struggling.

Jump In the Puddles

Many children love rainstorms because they get to jump around in the puddles. They find something great about something that could have made them truly upset.

When life gives you hard times, let yourself feel it, but also find something positive about the situation. Ask yourself, “what wouldn’t I have if this situation didn’t happen?” Think about what knowledge you’ve learned from the situation, what people it brought into your life, or how it’s pushing you towards something incredible.

Remember that All Storms Come to An End

When it starts raining, we usually pull out our phones to check what time the rain is estimated to stop. When things go wrong in our lives, we don’t have the luxury of knowing when it will end, but we do have the knowledge that it will not last forever.

Challenging situations can feel like they last an eternity, but they always come to an end. Find ways to remind yourself that the end is in sight. Soon, you will get to move on to something better. Soon, you will see the rainbow.

How to Celebrate the Rainbows

Life isn’t only about getting through difficult times. We also need to make the most out of our best moments.

Take A Picture

The first thing people typically do when they see a rainbow is take out their phone and take a picture. We want to be able to remember the best parts of our lives so that we can look back on those times when things are less than ideal.

Whether it’s taking a picture, writing a note, or posting about it on social media, do something to remember your good times.

Give Yourself a Pot of Gold

There are plenty of tales about finding gold at the end of the rainbow. When something good happens to you, treat yourself. Buy yourself something nice, go out with friends, or take a night to relax. You deserve it for weathering the storm.

Share With the People Around You

Everyone loves rainbows. Share your good times with the people you are closest with so they too can share in the joy of your rainbow.

Remember, the rain allows us to learn how to handle the challenges of life in order to get to our desired destination. And sometimes, the storms that come aren’t meant to disrupt our lives. They come to clear our path.

Life is hard, and sometimes we just want to give up. Do you know what it means to give up? It means to resign yourself to failure. The problem with that is if you don’t keep trying, then it is impossible to succeed at whatever you are attempting. We have all heard the saying a winner never quits and a quitter never wins.

A champion never quits because, if he or she did, they would never become a champion, right? You cannot win if you take yourself out of the game. And how much fun is it to sit on the sidelines and observe?

Sure, at some point, everyone has wanted to give up. The path they are on is too hard or is taking too long. Frustration sets in, and they start to question if what they are doing is worth the struggle.

Anything you do, especially anything that takes you out of your comfort zone, requires you to stretch. Like an athlete who stretches to prepare for a competition, stretching prepares you for what lies ahead. It enhances your performance. Life experiences and circumstances stretch you, often way beyond your comfort zone. They test your emotions, your mental strength, and sometimes your physical strength. If you are not challenged, then you remain stagnant and cannot moved forward. It is during life’s trials that you are growing the most, even when you don’t see it. If you understand this and can stick with it and refuse to give up, you will succeed.

How do you do that?

First, believe in yourself. You have talents and qualities nobody else has. Anything worth doing is going to require hard work. Accept each challenge you face and kick its behind. Do not let it stop you. The hard work will pay off. Set realistic goals and believe in your abilities to achieve them.

Next, be committed and dedicated. Visualize your goal and work to achieve it. Sometimes, being committed to something is the hardest part. What do you want and why do you want it? Is it worth sticking it out and seeing it through no matter what? Ironically, all of the hard work and sweat and effort that you put into something is what makes it worth it. Can you really be proud of something you didn’t work for?

Third, learn from your setbacks and failures. If you quit, you miss the things you were meant to learn during the process. Every failure is a learning opportunity. It is experience. Evaluate what happened and formulate a plan to avoid the same thing happening next time. And remember, you did not fail – how you did something failed. How can you do it differently next time? Try again and focus on the goal.

Any time we try to achieve something, we make ourselves vulnerable. There is uncertainty and fear. We have to accept the risk of being disappointed or let down. These are the muscles that must be worked out in order to succeed. Failure is a setback but is not the end. Giving up is not an option. Champions are champions because they refuse to quit.

In 2006, Plain White T’s released the song, Hey There Delilah. On the surface, the song seems to be just about a long-distance relationship, but the story behind it is rather interesting.    

According to Columbia College Today, the muse for songwriter and front man of Plain White T’s was a real girl named Delilah who was a student at Columbia. The long-distance storyline in the song is a work of fiction, but it was inspired by Delilah, who was on Columbia’s women’s cross-country team and won three consecutive Heptagonal Games championships.

Front man and songwriter, Tom Higgenson said he had met her five years before he wrote the song through a friend. He said, “I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I told her, ‘I have a song about you already.’ Obviously, there was no song. But I thought it was smooth.”

Delilah wasn’t interested in him, as she was dating someone else at the time. So, while nothing happened between them, Higgenson was still inspired to write the song. The two kept in touch through email as friends and Higgenson gave her a copy of the song in 2004, two years before it was released.

Once it was released, it because a hit. I remember hearing it everywhere at the time. The song spent 35 weeks on the Billboard Hot 100, including multiple weeks at number 1.

Interestingly, years later in August of 2018, Tom Higgenson announced that Lively McCabe Entertainment and Primary Wave, along with writer Jeremy Desmon, were in discussions about developing a potential series based on the song. It was described as, “a romantic dramedy telling the contemporary fairy tale of a long-distance flirtation between a struggling singer-songwriter and a New York City university student. The songwriter pledges to write a song for the young woman on the night they meet, and that promise changes their lives in unexpected ways.” It is unclear if a network or streaming service has picked up the series yet.

I love two things about this song. One, I love the real story behind it. Songwriters write fictionalized storylines in their songs all the time. But it is always inspired by something that touched them. In this case, a harmless infatuation generated a catchy, sweet, hit song that people loved. Two, who wouldn’t love for someone to write a song about building a life together? And even more so, express, “a thousand miles seems pretty far, but they’ve got planes and trains and cars, I’d walk to you if I had no other way.”

If you are a creative person, don’t ever discount the small things that resonate with your heart. They can blossom into something beautiful that can inspire or touch others. And if you are wanting the kind of romance from someone who would literally walk to you if they had no other way, don’t settle for anything less than that. You deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved.

To burn a bridge means to leave a person or relationship behind – to let them go. Sometimes, people burn bridges by promising to do something and failing to follow through on their promise. This is especially true when something they are doing affects you, and they promise they will change their behavior.

For instance, when someone constantly borrows money from you with the promise to pay it back, but then never pays it back. Eventually, you’re going to stop loaning them money. Or if someone is super critical of you, but they promise they are going to change but never actually do. Eventually you have to think of your mental and emotional well-being and cut your losses.

Other times, the people burning the bridge do not recognize that is what they are doing. This is because sometimes their own toxic behavior and dysfunction is normal to them. They somehow feel justified in their actions, and it does not cross their minds that they have crossed a line or burned a bridge. To them, they haven’t treated you poorly at all or if they have, it is because you did something to deserve it.  

When you have had enough of their constant negativity or criticism, their toxic way of talking to you or feeling like you make way more deposits and investments into your relationship than they do, they cannot understand what happened and wonder why you no longer come around. The truth is, some people are holding serious grudges against you for the shit that they did. 

Remember, people will take you for granted as long as you let them. We teach people how to treat us. Some people will use you and abuse you until you say “No more.” They will suck the life out of you and wonder why you are frustrated with them.

At that point, it doesn’t matter if they understand why you no longer want to be around them. If they are too blind to see how they treat you in the first place, chances are they are not going to understand why you left. These people typically will find a way to blame you for it anyway. Again, their dysfunction is normal to them, and they lack self-awareness to see that their behavior may be the problem. And if you try to assert any kind of boundaries with them or try to have a reasonable conversation, somehow you end up being the bad guy.

What should you do when a bridge is burned in a relationship? First of all, realize that just because a bridge is burned does not mean there has to be animosity. You don’t have to be enemies. You can still want good for them. But that doesn’t mean that they have to still have a place in your life.

Next, explain to them what has caused the break in the relationship and why you feel it is better for you to move on. You can do this diplomatically, making it about what is bestyou’re your mental health, without putting all the blame on them.

Lastly, remember that some bridges do not need to be rebuilt if they just take you back to something you need to leave behind. Don’t look back. Look to the future. Walking away from a bad situation is hard, but so is staying in it.

When you watch a superhero movie, who do you look up to? You probably answered, “the hero.” We like heroes because heroes have courage and face their fears every day. However, we don’t need to be a superhero to have courage.

Courage is found in unlikely places. And we all have the ability to be courageous; we just need to seek out opportunities to face our fears.

What is Courage?

Courage is the ability to do something that scares you. It is being willing to go through challenging or even dangerous situations despite feeling afraid.

There are many benefits to having courage including the following:

• Increases your self-confidence
• Helps you step out of your comfort zone
• Allows you to take on a new perspective
• Helps you chase your dreams
• Increases happiness

Where Can Courage Be Found?

You may read the definition above and think to yourself, “I’m just not really a courageous person.” You may imagine a courageous person climbing up a mountain or walking on a tight rope across the Grand Canyon, but courage isn’t only found in the extremes.

It takes courage to live every day of our lives. We have to do so many things that scare us. For example, we have to drive a car, let someone else watch our children, interview for jobs, pay the bills, manage our mental health, etc. There are so many courageous acts that we do every day. What is courageous for you depends on what scares you, not what scares someone else.

How to Be More Courageous

Everyone can benefit from being more courageous. Here are four ways that you can become more courageous and reap the benefits of living a courageous life.

View Yourself as Courageous

First, you need to view yourself as a courageous person. Our minds are very powerful; you need to believe that you have courage in order to do something courageous.

Think of things you’ve done in the past that demonstrated your courage. For example, maybe you fear public speaking, but you gave a presentation in class anyway. You faced your fear; therefore, you had courage. Remind yourself of the many times you’ve done something when you were afraid and recognize the courage that already lies within you.

Identify What Scares You

We are all afraid of different things. In order to overcome our fears, we first need to know what scares us in the first place.

Think about the things in your life that make you uncomfortable. Think about the things you are unwilling to do because they scare you. Then write them all down and say them out loud. Just like with any monster, you need to understand what you’re up against before planning your attack.

Take Small Steps Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Now that you know what scares you, work on making small steps outside of your comfort zone. It is common to think we need to go all-in on facing our fears but taking small steps can ease us into conquering what scares us.

Let’s go back to our presentation example. If giving a presentation to your entire class or your entire company is too scary, start by giving the presentation to one or two of your friends. A smaller audience or people you’re close to can help alleviate some of your concerns.

Bring in Reinforcements

When doing something that scares you, it is always beneficial to have someone to help. Let someone you trust know that you are working on facing your fears and let them help push you to be more courageous.

Have you ever been afraid to chase your dreams? People often live a less-than-ideal life because they fear the process of working towards their dream life. But the truth is, you need to be ready and willing to go after the things you desire in life. No one else is as invested in your dreams than you are.

Why Does It Take Courage to Get What You Want Out of Life?

Going after what you want in life is not an easy thing to do. Let’s take a look at three reasons why living the life you want takes courage.

Dreams Can Be Scary

When you think about going after your dreams, what do you feel? You probably feel excited, but you probably also feel a little afraid.

Chasing your dreams can be scary because the outcome is never certain. We like to know if things will work out in the end, and it is easier to continue on our current path because that path is more known.

Dreams Take Work

Going after your dreams takes a lot of work. We don’t achieve anything by doing nothing. It takes a significant amount of courage to put in the necessary effort to get what you want in life.

Dreams Aren’t Always Supported By Others

When you go after your dreams, other people may not support what you are trying to do. There are plenty of people who don’t like to see others going after their goals because it forces them to sit with the fact that they aren’t going after their own goals.

How to Get What You Want from Life

Identify What You Want

To get what you want out of life, you first need to identify what you want your life to look like. This is easier said than done. Figuring out what you want requires letting go of what other people want your life to look like and exploring the things that truly make you happy.

Research What You Want

Next, you need to head to Google and do some research on what you want. For example, if there is a specific career you want to have, figure out the steps you need to take in order to get that career. Knowing how to get what you want will give you a clear path to achieving your goals.

Set Goals

Now that you know what you want and know how to get it, you should set SMART goals. SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

• Specific: Your goal clearly states the desired outcome.
• Measurable: You can track your progress towards the goal.
• Achievable: It is challenging but attainable.
• Relevant: The goal is meaningful and important to you.
• Time-bound: Your goal has a timeline and an ideal deadline.

Creating SMART goals can help you ensure that you have a strong plan for getting what you want in life.

Practice Visualization

Visualization is a powerful practice for living the life you desire. Simply put, visualization is when you picture yourself working towards and achieving your goals. Practicing visualization can improve your confidence in your ability to make the life you want because you can see yourself already living that life.

Work Hard

Last, but not least, you need to work hard to get what you want in life. You have to be willing to put in the effort to work on your goals and make your visualizations a reality.

If you are struggling with finding the courage to go after what you want in life, understand that it is a process. It’s okay to feel afraid. We are often afraid of things because we’ve never done them before. Remind yourself that having courage doesn’t mean you aren’t scared. It means even though you are afraid, you are going to do it anyway.