We tend to hold onto the things we have, even when they no longer work for us, simply because we are used to them. The idea of changing things up when we don’t know what the outcome will be is scary. So, it is understandable that we would stick with what we know.

When I first started this blog, it went by a different name. It was similar in concept to what it is today, but I ended up shutting it down and starting over. I won’t go into the reason, as it is personal and had to do with my family. After many weeks of feeling torn about what I should do, I ultimately decided that it would be better to start fresh and be more anonymous here on the interwebs.  

The domain I had before had been around for a while and had a decent following. The older the domain, the more authority it has with the good old google. I had ads running on it and was actually making a small amount of money on it. To start over with a brand new domain meant that it would take much longer to build it back to where it was before. It would also mean no advertising. But I decided to make it the change anyways, if for no other reason than my own peace of mind.

So, Mindset Made Better was hatched in February of 2021. I re-designed the site and gave it a much better look and feel. I was able to incorporate self-care ideas and all sorts of things the previous site lacked. And to my surprise, within a year of launching, we have the same amount of visitors and views that I had with the old site. And has been steadily growing. I had expected it to take two to three years to build back to that, but to my amazement, it happened much sooner. And it is all because of readers like you, so thank you so much! It means the world to me. 

What I discovered, though, was that while all my worries when I restarted this journey were valid, taking the leap of faith was worth it. I love the new story of this blog. And I honestly can’t imagine having stuck with the old site and format of it. I’ve grown so much as a writer and editor over the last two years, and I’ve learned a lot. I also discovered that should I decide to advertise again, I want to make sure whatever it is, is valuable and a good fit for our readers.

It is okay to start over. Starting over allows us to carry the wisdom from previous ventures or relationships to our new endeavors. It’s experience that can propel us in a better direction. And of you start over and find that you don’t like your new story, then start a new one! New opportunities and adventures await, my friend. You just have to be willing to start again.  

Sometimes people make it difficult to love them. Usually, it is because they are fighting battles and demons we cannot understand. Or it is because they were never loved properly and do not understand how to give and receive love. It is easier for them to push people away than to let someone in. Allowing someone to know your pain requires you to be vulnerable, and that can be pretty scary for some folks.

For them, sharing their secrets or inner most thoughts are too much of a risk. They may fear that what they share will be used against them. So to protect themselves, they build walls around themselves and keep people out. They may even preemptively behave in ways that are hurtful so that you never get too close. This is what makes it hard to love them, but this is also why they need it the most.

What makes someone act this way?

Perhaps they were hurt by someone they love. Maybe someone told them they were unlovable. Or maybe their heart has been broken, trust has been broken, and their life has been destroyed. Maybe they suffered abuse as a child from someone who said they loved them, so now they equate love with pain.

There are many things that can happen in life that can make someone hard to love. But there is one universal truth about pain. When you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

How can you love someone who is hard to love?

1. Love them without expecting anything in return. Often, we love someone because we want to be loved. We place expectations on someone who is incapable of meeting our needs, and this leads to frustration. Remember, expectation is the root of all heartache. If someone is difficult to love already, you have to accept that they may not be able to love you back the way you want them to. Give your love freely, without needing them to love you.

2. Be patient with them. For someone who struggles with showing and receiving love, the very act of being shown love can feel overwhelming to them. They may not know what to do or how to act, and this can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. Take a step back and try again. Perhaps trust has to be established before they start to let their guard down and receive what you are offering them. Don’t force a relationship. Let them be accepting of your love in their own time.

3. Don’t judge them. Unless they have told you what or who has hurt them, you probably don’t understand why they struggle with love. Judging them or making them feel bad for how they feel will cause them to become more withdrawn and retreat further away from you. Be understanding of their feelings. Be respectful of their limitations. This builds a relationship and can lead to trust being established, which may lead to them opening up and talking about their experiences. This is how healing begins.

4. Consider their needs. Do they feel forgotten, rejected, unlovable? What can you do to meet them where they are? Go above and beyond what you think is normal in order to meet their needs.

Remember, loving to someone who is “hard to love”, is not easy. If we can take a step back and not personalize their response to us, we may find it easier to understand where they are at and where they are coming from. Perhaps we will be able to understand the baggage they carry better and how we can best support them through their journey.

In 1994, Weezer released their debut album, titled the Blue Album. Say it Ain’t So was the third single off the album. The song had already been completed musically, and it is said that front man for the band and songwriter Rivers Cuomo, only had one phrase to work with for the lyrics, which was “say it ain’t so.” He ended up connecting the phrases and feelings he had to an incident he experienced while in high school.

One day he came home and found alcohol in the fridge. Cuomo has been quoted saying that he believed his mother and father’s marriage ended because his father was an alcoholic. And seeing this made him worry that the marriage between his mother and stepfather would end this way as well. Today’s quote, “Your drug is a heartbreaker”, became part of the chorus.

This song is about alcoholism, the damage it can do to a family and the fear it can inspire with other people who drink and even fears about going down the same path.

When you live with someone who is in active addiction, it is one of the loneliest places to be. It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love destroy themselves. As selfish as it might feel, you have to shift your focus onto healing yourself and protecting your own mental health. Believe me, when an addict is ready to stop, they will want to stop and get help. And until that day comes, you will be running around in circles trying to control something you have no way of controlling.

You can continue to plant seeds of how their life can be different if they choose to get well, but you can’t continue the vicious cycle of trying to fix them. All you can do is continue to better yourself and lead by example in how you live your life.

There are few experiences in life that are as unsettling as endings. Depending on the kind of situation that is coming to an end, it can be messy and painful, or even downright terrifying.

The one good thing about endings is that they are always followed by new beginnings, and your own attitude and expectation often determine what happens next.

If you focus only on the loss, then of course you will feel sad and empty, or perhaps angry or afraid. But if you instead choose to see the ending as a precursor to a bright new beginning and an opportunity to receive something even better, you will have an easier time letting go.

More importantly, if you choose to see the ending itself as a necessary part of the process of receiving something that you want, you will effortlessly surrender to the universe’s wisdom and empower yourself to move through the changes with grace and ease.

Obviously, some endings are more painful than others, such as the loss of an important relationship in your life. In cases like this, you may need to first give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with the loss before you will be ready to look ahead with any sense of optimism or hopefulness. But once you have come to a place of acceptance about the loss, then you will be ready to begin the work of choosing what comes next.

The first step is to get clear about the situation or condition that has just ended. Was it really serving your highest good? Were you truly happy with it, or had you just grown comfortable with the way things were? Most often, reviewing the situation objectively can help you to see that a deeper part of you was probably yearning for something more, whether it’s more excitement, passion, or meaning in that area of your life. On some level, part of you was probably ready to let go of the old, even if it hurt a little to do so.

Next, think about the type of condition or situation that would serve you better than the one that just ended. If you could flip through a catalog and choose something new to take the place of what was lost, what would it be? Perhaps it is changing career paths. Write down a detailed description of this exciting new addition to your life. What will it look like and feel like? Why will it be a good fit for you? Allow yourself to get excited about the possibilities.

Finally, start spending a little time each day expressing your positive expectation for this wonderful new beginning in your life. Speak of it as if it is inevitably going to happen. Anticipate that it’s going to show up at the right time, and in the best way possible. Expect that it’s going to be easy, smooth, and fun the whole way through. Train your mind to be open to everything and attached to nothing.

With this kind of trusting attitude, you immediately open up to the endless wonderful possibilities that could not have happened if you had continued clinging to the comfortable and familiar. Eventually you will find that you no longer fear endings, but rather see them as a welcome signal that something better is on the way to you.

Pain is inevitable. We are all going to experience it in our lifetimes. There is a lesson in the pain, but most of us want to rush through it or escape it altogether. By doing so, we miss the lesson. When we experience pain and trials, working through them leads us to personal growth and, oftentimes, something we were not expecting.

Take sandpaper, for instance. It is an abrasive material that is used for scraping things to make them smoother. When you rub it against your skin, it hurts. It feels like a rough scratching. But when applied to furniture, it removes imperfections. It scrapes the item and smooths the surface.

Life is like sandpaper. Circumstances and trials hit you hard and cause you pain. It can be overwhelming, and you may feel like you cannot catch a break or catch your breath before another trial hits you. Scrape, scrape. Every life event that hurts is creating something in you that you may not see just yet. It is smoothing out flaws. It is building character. It is sloughing off layers of negative thoughts and emotions. And every time life applies pressure, you have the choice to give in to it and learn from it or resist it. Many people do not know what they are made of until they are faced with a challenge.

But pain hurts, and who wants to be okay with hurting? Here’s how you pain benefits you:

• Painful circumstances can make you smarter. Any time you are faced with having to figure your way out of a situation, it challenges you to expand your thinking.

• Hard times can make you more empathetic. When you walk through hard times, it makes it easier to show compassion toward others who are going through the same thing.

• Suffering can make you stronger. When you make it out of a difficult time, not only have you gained knowledge and experience, but you have more confidence and feel mentally and emotionally stronger.

Without hardship, you may never discover what you are made of. Without suffering, can you ever learn to appreciate joy? When you endure pain, you come out on the other side with insight and experience you would not have had otherwise. You are better off for having gone through the painful situation, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

Back to the sandpaper and furniture for a minute. If left unsanded, furniture that is old or has chipping paint will have an uneven surface that may be considered unsightly. It may lack character. This is true of humans, too. But when pressure is applied, layers are stripped away, and what you are left with is a beautiful piece that is smoothed out, strong, and ready for whatever else life hands them.

Don’t get lost in your pain. Don’t give into it. Know that it serves a purpose. Grow through what you are going through. Know that the friction is smoothing out the rough spots and turning you into a beautiful work of art.

Finding one’s purpose or mission is likely one of the biggest stressors in everyone’s life. We all want to know who we are, why we’re here, and what we are meant to do with our lives. The quote, “You must go on adventures to find where you truly belong,” reminds us that in order to find our true life’s purpose, we need to be willing to put in time and effort to explore what makes us feel alive. 

Why Do We Need a Purpose?

There are numerous benefits to having a purpose in life.

Helps You Make Important Decisions

When we understand our purpose, making difficult and important decisions becomes much easier because we know the direction we’re heading. Having a destination in life allows you to make decisions that lead to that destination.

Gives You Drive and Motivation

A life’s purpose is the driving force of your life. It is the reason you get out of bed in the morning. Understanding what you are meant to do with your life can help get you through tough times and get you to keep going despite how difficult the journey is.

Helps You Set Goals

Having a life’s purpose helps you set goals that you actually want to achieve. Our goals are often influenced by other people’s expectations, but knowing where you belong can help you set goals for yourself, not for other people.

Makes You Happier and Healthier

Purpose, or meaning, is a main component of the PERMA Model of Happiness for good reason. Having a purpose in life has many health benefits that lead to a happier and healthier life including better sleep, improved stress management, reduced anxiety, decreased likelihood of disease, and higher tolerance to pain.

Linked to Living Longer

Perhaps the most convincing finding that we all need a life’s purpose is that having a purpose in life is associated with living longer. One study involving almost 7,000 participants found that those with a stronger purpose in life had decreased mortality (risk of death).

How To Find Your Purpose

If you aren’t quite sure what your purpose is, there are several ways you can go about determining your purpose.

Volunteer Your Time

One great way to find your purpose is to volunteer. It can be difficult to explore your interests in your work because it is generally frowned upon to jump from one job to the next. By volunteering, you can test your passions with a much lower commitment, and you can try a bunch of different things in a short period of time.

Explore Your Options

Sometimes we get stuck on one idea and forget to explore other options. If you have found a purpose in life that you are certain of, that’s great. However, there is nothing wrong with exploring to see what other passions and purposes you might discover.

Talk to People

The people around you are a great reference when trying to learn about your purpose. Your friends and family spend a lot of time with you and have likely noticed things that you are good at, things you get excited about, and things you do that impact others. Ask them what they think your purpose is, and try leaning into those passions.

Take Risks

You will never find your meaning in life without taking a few risks. You have to be willing to invest some time, energy, and resources to try different things and see what works. Don’t be afraid to test some ideas out.

Our life’s purpose typically doesn’t fall in our laps. Going on adventures allows us to get out of our day to day patterns and comfort zones and experience new things. Do some exploring to find your purpose and meaning in life and enjoy the many benefits of living a fulfilling life.

In Finding Nemo, Dory says that when life gets you down, you just have to keep swimming. In other words, she means that you must keep going, even when you don’t feel like it.

It is easy to feel like giving up when what you want seems so far out of reach. When this happens, you have to remind yourself of why you started the journey you’re on to begin with.

You see, sometimes the struggle you face is a test to see how committed you really are to your goals.

Our difficult journeys shape our character. Who we are is defined by facing adversity and handling all the obstacles that cross our path. With each challenge comes and opportunity to rise back up, stronger and wiser than we were before.

When you feel like quitting, watch this:

One of the most common ways that people create stress and frustration for themselves is by becoming overly rigid and controlling about their life circumstances. They usually have a step-by-step plan in mind and a clear preference about the way things should unfold, and they try their hardest to make their outer conditions adhere to these expectations.

If you have ever done this yourself, then you probably already know that trying to control every tiny detail yourself is exhausting and futile. Life tends to throw curve balls without warning. I can personally attest to many plot twists in my own life. Despite your attempts to plan and direct everything, you rarely end up where you thought you would.

It takes courage to let go and trust the currents of life to carry you where they will. And when you do, you will often find that your destination ends up being even better than the one you were so carefully trying to orchestrate.

There are two key skills that can be helpful in creating a more relaxed approach to life:

The first skill is flexibility. Being flexible means gracefully bending and flowing with life’s changes, without trying to direct and control the unfolding of events yourself. This does not mean that you can’t make plans or set goals, or even have a higher calling or vision for your life. You can still have a general idea of where you would like to end up, and even what the conditions of your life will look and feel like when you get there.

But being flexible about it means loosening your grip on the details and allowing the universe to do some of the heavy lifting on your behalf. Rather than trying to orchestrate every tiny detail, you can focus more on the feeling of the outcome you want to receive and understand that there are probably millions of different ways for you to end up with something that makes you happy. Most of the time, if you will let go and trust the universe to work out the details for you, the outcome ends up being far better than you even could have imagined.

The second important skill to hone is adaptability. This allows you to change directions quickly when something unexpected happens, such as receiving an inspiring idea that you wish to pursue or reaffirming your commitment to a goal when things don’t work out as you planned. Adaptability ensures that failure is not a possibility because you simply take each experience as it comes and keep moving forward, even if you need to sidestep onto a different path every now and then.

If you are willing to approach most of your life experiences with a flexible, adaptable mindset, you will likely find that you are much more relaxed. Life starts to feel like there are many more opportunities out there. No longer will you be trying to resist the changes that come your way or trying to control the uncontrollable. Instead, your inner resistance will lessen, and you will become receptive to an endless flow of opportunities and possibilities in all areas of your life.