Have you ever seen a very wealthy person, who seems to ‘have it all’, be extremely discontent and unhappy?

On the other hand, can you think of someone who has almost nothing, happy with the bare minimum?

We all have to face life and its variety of offerings, including both the good, the bad, the highs, and the lows. However, how we view the events in our daily life is what determines whether it becomes a struggle or a blessing.

Many times, we will not have control over the hardships we face, or the tragedies that will happen to us. All we have control over is our response to it. We all have a choice to decide how things affect us. In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” We can’t change what happened to us. But we can change how we respond to it.

But when things are really bad, how do you see it as a positive thing?

1. Practice gratitude. Even in difficult times, we all have something we can be grateful for. Whether it is our health, our bodies, the sky, our loved ones, or something tangible like our phones or wifi! By actively practicing gratitude, you will develop a more positive outlook towards life, even when bad things happen.

2. Find the silver lining. Oftentimes, a bad situation can also have good sides. For example, you may have lost your job. While people are quick to say that it is “bad”, it could also be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps this enables you to find a better job with more flexible hours and a kinder boss. Or maybe you decide to start your own business! Or imagine if you find the love of your life or your soul sister at your next job!

The possibilities are endless, and we can always strive to see the silver lining of every bad situation. So, what determines if the event was good or bad? Your perspective.

3. Accept the situation and look for solutions. When something unexpected happens, it’s easy to get frustrated and complain, blame, or sulk. However, a much more beneficial response would be to accept the situation. Acceptance is one of the pillars of mindfulness and is key in living a more positive life.

For example, if you are stuck in traffic, rather than complain, it would be more beneficial to you to accept that you can’t do much about the situation. Then you can try to find some ways to enjoy that time, like calling a friend or listening to an interesting podcast.

4. Add more joy to your life. Try to create some more joyous moments in your life. For example, create an indulging morning routine where you get to enjoy a cup of coffee and your favorite book. Or, perhaps you decide to watch the sunset every weekend. Put on your favorite song as you drive to work!

These small things will help you feel more positive throughout the day, reminding you of the little joys that life has to offer, so that even when you are faced with some hardship, you can view the situation with more perspective. Sometimes when something goes wrong, we tell ourselves that everything is going wrong. But that’s not true. Adding joy to your everyday life gives you small reminders that not everything is terrible.  

The truth is, when you make the decision that life is hard and difficult, and then something bad happens, you will just reinforce this belief that life is a struggle. And you will keep seeing that belief proven repeatedly. For example, you might get stuck in traffic, and feel like life is terrible. Then you enter the parking lot and you can’t find a parking spot, so you feel life sucks.

However, if you were to believe life is beautiful and joyous, then when you enter traffic, you feel grateful that you have this chance to call your mom. You reconnect with her, and you feel even better about your day. Then, when you can’t find parking, you drive around and appreciate the beautiful sky, and your favorite song comes on the radio. You have a mini dance party in the car, and head to work enthusiastically!

Life is always going to throw us a variety of situations, but ultimately, we have the power to decide if it is good or bad. So what do you choose?

When you try to fit in with the people around you, it usually requires altering your behavior and mannerisms to mirror theirs. Whether you’re with a group of friends and acquaintances, or your boss and co-workers, or even your close family members, you may feel like you can’t open up and show them who you truly are. You may find yourself obscuring certain parts of your personality and amplifying others, so that you can fit in and feel like you belong.

However, curtailing aspects of your genuine self actually prevents you from connecting deeply with the people around you. You end up hiding behind a mask, a false persona that will not allow anyone to truly get to know you. This can make you feel isolated and lonely, even when you are surrounded by people.

Even worse, you end up feeling a constant low-level sense of anxiety because in the back of your mind is always a worry that somehow you will be exposed as a fraud, and they will discover that you are not the person you are pretending to be. Needless to say, this can make your relationships feel tense and uncomfortable.

Trying to fit in with other people usually means that you are operating from a state of fear. You might believe that your loved ones or work associates wouldn’t accept you for who you really are. You might worry that they’ll ridicule or reject you, and you try to avoid that pain at all costs, even if it means shutting everyone out.

Belonging, on the other hand, means that you are comfortable being your authentic self, no matter who you are with at the time. Whether you are at work, in social settings, or meeting new people for the first time, you don’t feel concerned about the possibility of rejection or ridicule, because you have fully accepted yourself already. You know that you have a lot to offer in your relationships, and you are focused on building meaningful connections rather than merely fitting in.

Developing this sense of belonging always begins within first. To be liked and accepted by others, you need to like and accept yourself first. What do you like about yourself? What are some of your best traits and qualities that other people probably value? What do you have to offer other people?

Grab a notebook and a pen, and make a list of the things that make you wonderful and unique. Spend time getting to know yourself on a deeper level than you may have before. Then begin sharing your authentic self with people you trust, the people you feel would be most likely to accept you for who you are. Open up and be willing to be vulnerable, even in small ways at first.

Keep reminding yourself that it’s not your job to make everyone like you. Your only job is to be yourself and connect with those people who do appreciate you for who you really are. For anyone who does not, simply bless them and let them go.

Over time, as you grow to love and accept yourself more fully, you will find that you automatically feel a sense of belonging in all settings.

In 1946, Winston Churchill gave a commencement speech at the University of Miami, where he uttered the words, “Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” 

We don’t have to look very far to find success stories. They’re everywhere. And I have talked about all the failures successful people have had along their journeys in many posts.  

But let’s break down what Winston said:

Success is not final.

The measurement of success is unique to each individual. Whether it’s generating wealth, having a growth mindset, or both, only you can cultivate your idea of what it means to be successful.

So, what happens when you find success? Do you enjoy it, and then you’re done? Of course not. Just like we are always growing, and our lives are ever-changing, how we define success and what we ultimately want is going to change over the years. It’s a constant process and we will always be putting forth effort. Even if you get to a point where you are happy where you are, it will take some effort to maintain where you are.

Failure is not fatal.

As I have mentioned many times before, failure is just experience. Every successful person has a long list of failures along their journey. Failure is part of the path to success.

There are lessons in failure that help you assess how to move forward. And if you’re willing to set aside the disappointment, you’re much closer to success than you think. In short, failure is a gift if you treat it as such.

Remember, true failure is not falling down. It’s refusing to get back up. 

It is the courage to continue that counts.

Having courage means being afraid or discouraged and still showing up anyway. It takes courage to chase your dreams, fight for them, and keep coming back when you get knocked down. It also takes perseverance. Courage and perseverance are what makes successful people the outliers. 

The courage to continue is the most important lesson here. At some point, you’ll get tired of failing or feeling like you’re not getting anywhere. It’s in these moments that you must keep going against all odds and persevere. You cannot rely solely on motivation to carry you through these times of doubt. You must become disciplined within yourself. I talk about how discipline is the key to continuing to move forward when all you feel like is giving up. You can read it here.

In modern day society we tend to glorify perfectionism because we believe that it will drive us to perform better and achieve more. This seems admirable at first glance, since most of us are striving to improve ourselves in some way. However, there is usually a darker side to perfectionism, and that is shame. Beneath the desire to perform better is often a belief that we are not good enough as we are. Brené Brown notes that perfectionism is a way of thinking that says if I am perfect in certain areas of my life, then I will avoid or minimize criticism, blame and ridicule. It is really a shield we use to protect ourselves from feeling hurt.

Consider your own life experiences up to this point. Do you feel a sense of disappointment that you haven’t achieved as much as you aspired to when you were younger? Do you often push yourself to work harder or become better at what you do, even to the point of skimping on sleep or suffering from burnout? And even after you have worked excessively hard or pushed yourself to the limit, do you still feel like it’s not enough? If so, you may be caught up in the endless loop of perfectionism.

Exploring your beliefs can help you to determine what may be at the root of your perfectionism. Do you believe that you are a valuable and worthy person beyond your accomplishments? Do you believe that success must be earned through hard work and sacrifice? Do you believe that you deserve to be as successful as you want to be? Your answers to these questions can help you to discover whether you have any shame-based beliefs that are holding you back.

If you do discover some underlying shame, there are two important areas that may need healing. First, you may feel ashamed about the things you have done in the past, or the things you avoided doing. Maybe you made some reckless mistakes that caused problems for you, or you procrastinated so much that you were not able to make much progress. If you feel shame or disappointment about any of your actions or choices in the past, forgive yourself. All you can do is learn from those experiences because you can’t go back in time and change the past. Decide that you are going to release yourself from that bondage and move forward with a fresh start now.

Next, consider whether you feel any shame about the person you are. This is a much deeper shame that can be destructive and painful, even far beyond your achievements in life. Then, spend time building a more loving self-image each day. Stand before a mirror and say, “I love and accept myself exactly as I am right now. I’m a good person. I have a lot of value. I’m worthy of love and happiness. I don’t need to prove anything. I just need to be myself, and love myself for who I am.” It is also important to examine the people you spend the most time with. Are these people who support you and lift you up? Or do they reinforce the negative things you feel about yourself?

As your self-acceptance grows stronger and deeper, your attachment to perfectionism should fade. You will stop feeling the need to try excessively hard or portray the perfect image in order to be loved and accepted by others. Afterall, what makes us interesting and beautiful souls are our imperfections and battle wounds. Not only will this help you to feel less stressed in your life, but you may even find that your performance actually improves because you will be acting much more from passion and inspiration, and from a state of love rather than fear.

We are what we focus on, and we are the sum of our daily habits. When we don’t have a clearly defined goal of what we want to accomplish in a day, we are unfocused and unintentional. Our day becomes consumed by doing mindless things, that in the end, get us no closer to what we say we want. And it’s fascinating how loyal we become to such mindless activities. Even when we state we would rather be doing something else that will get us closer to what we want.

I know I have found myself looking up news or reading things that I don’t even care about for extended periods of time during my day. It’s something that I have done for a while and am used to, so I’m on autopilot. Hours go by and then I wonder where the day went!

Life transformation happens when the little things you do everyday support your stated goals. Even if those things seem small or that they aren’t significant because you aren’t seeing a huge results right away. But they are the building blocks that eventually get you where you want to be, and they are necessary.

Aside from the typical responsibilities and things that you absolutely must do every day, how can you be more intentional with your time?

The first thing you need to do is define what your goals are. Then you have to honestly assess what you need to do daily, weekly and monthly to achieve those goals. Make a list of them. Whether they are short-term or long-term, you need to have an idea about what you need to do to do them and how much time you will need.

Get into the habit of prioritizing those tasks for your day and do them first. If they are longer tasks, break them up into smaller manageable chunks and focus on them. Learn how to say “no”, or “yes, I can do it, but it will need to wait a couple of hours”. I know for me, when someone needs help with something, I am apt to drop everything I am doing and help them. Otherwise, I feel like it’s hanging over my head or I am inconveniencing them. I had to get comfortable with saying no altogether if I didn’t want to do it, didn’t have the time to do it, etc. and making people wait a little while.

You also have to re-evaluate what you “waste time” on. If spending time on social media or cruising around the interwebs looking at kittens isn’t getting you closer to your goals, limit the time you spend on it. 

Are you spending your time intentionally? What small step can you take today to be more intentional?

This quote is well known because it is in the lyrics of Bob Marley’s Redemption Song. This song is considered to be one of Marley’s best works. Interestingly, when he wrote this song in 1979, he had been diagnosed with cancer. He was still performing but was secretly in a lot of pain. A few years later, his illness would take his life. But his music and the meaning behind this song, still resonates with us, even decades later.

You may be more aware of the restrictions in your outer life, such as a lack of time, money, or opportunities, and the ways those things limit your ability to live the life you want. But what about the more powerful inner restrictions you have? Such as rigid thoughts, beliefs, and expectations? Both of these restrictions can keep you in a state of chronic imprisonment for most of your life.

These rigid thoughts can affect much more than your immediate goals to lose a few pounds or start a new business. The whole big picture of your life, including the person you are and the life you are living can be influenced as well. I talked about this in-depth with the science behind the law of attraction. 

Take a moment right now to consider the ways in which you may be holding yourself prisoner. Are you being the person you really want to be, or are you being the person that others expect you to be? Are you living your life in a way that feels safe and won’t rock the boat too much or upset the people around you?

The truth is, many of us are living in cages with the door wide open. When you begin examining your rigid beliefs and subsequent actions, you may realize that you have been holding yourself in a state of mental slavery simply because you have some negative expectations about what might happen if you were to set yourself free.

For example, if you were to start being the person you really want to be and living life on your own terms, how would your friends and family react? How would your neighbors and business associates react? If you worry that they might not like it, you’ll be more tempted to hold yourself back.

However, remember that your negative expectations and fears are simply stories that you are telling yourself. They may or may not be true. Very often, when you start changing your expectations to be more positive, you will start seeing more positive results that reflect your expectations. When you expect people to react badly, they often will. When you expect them to react positively, they often will.

Regardless of their reactions, the fact remains that no one can free you except yourself. To emancipate yourself from mental slavery, you will need two important things: clarity and courage.

First, clarity. Take some time to get very clear about what freedom would look like for you personally. Would it mean living somewhere other than you do now? Having a different career? Being more authentically yourself in all situations? If there were truly no limits for you, what would you want to do? What would your life look and feel like?

Once you have clarity about these things, next comes the need for courage. Are you willing to free yourself mentally and physically, and start living a life that makes you happy no matter what anyone else says about it? Are you willing to let go of negative expectations and forge your own path anyway? Are you willing to be afraid and do it anyway?

If any of these changes seem overwhelming, remember that emancipation can be a gradual process, and you do not need to make drastic changes all at once. The most important step is to free your thoughts and beliefs first, and then let them lead you to the right action steps to express your newfound sense of freedom.

We tend to lose sight of this idea when we are feeling alone, hurt or sad. In the poem, Desiderata my favorite lines are:

“Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.”

You can read the full poem here. It has been an oasis for me in times of sadness and self-doubt.

I am a firm believer in the idea that we are all here for a reason, and we all have our own part to play in this life. In a strange way, I feel like everything is connected even if we can’t see it. This is why miracles happen and why when you need something the most, even if it isn’t what you want, something happens, and the Universe provides it.

The world needs who you were made to be. Somewhere on this planet, somebody, somewhere is depending on you to do what you have been called to do. And you matter just as much as everyone else.

If you have ever shied away from taking a risk because it felt too big or scary, you know a little something about choosing comfort over courage. And let’s face it; it’s perfectly sensible to avoid certain risks sometimes, simply because they could lead to unacceptable negative consequences if they don’t work out in your favor.

However, consider whether avoiding risk has become a lifestyle for you. Do you go to great lengths to avoid all risks, or just those that seem intimidating? Have you slipped into a rut of mediocrity because your comfort zone has gotten a little too comfortable? Maybe the last time you took a risk, it didn’t work out well for you, and you vowed to play it safe from now on.

With every decision you make, you are choosing either courage or comfort, and there are benefits and drawbacks to both. Of course, you want your life to be comfortable, but too much comfort breeds boredom. And remember, your comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. Risk-taking can be exhilarating but carried to the extreme it can result in anxiety and recklessness. Try to aim for a healthy balance between the two.

Consider your life circumstances right now and notice any feelings of boredom or stagnation. Maybe you’ve held the same job for years and you have never really liked it. Perhaps your life hasn’t really changed much in decades, and you move through your days on autopilot.

Living more courageously is as simple as deciding to take more risks. But they do not need to be big risks, especially when you’re just getting started. Instead, think about some small steps that you might take to build up your courage.

While you may not be ready to completely change your career, perhaps you could send away for information on certification programs that would help you start moving in the right direction. Maybe you’re not quite ready to start dating again, but you could join a support group, read some books, or take a course on healthy relationships. If you will commit to challenging yourself in small ways every day, your courage will grow and you will feel less intimidated about taking bigger risks.

Before taking any risk, ask yourself these questions:

• Do I stand to lose anything if I take this risk?
• Am I willing to accept those consequences?
• Do I stand to gain anything if I take this risk?
• Am I willing to forgo those rewards?
• Which is the wiser choice in this situation, courage or comfort?

Your answers to these questions should help you determine whether the potential negative consequences for moving forward would be too great, or if you’re just nervous about stepping out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you will decide to move forward, and sometimes you will decide against it. Either way, be proud of yourself for at least being willing to confront your fear and build your courage.

Most importantly, cheer yourself on whenever you do decide to take a risk, no matter how it turns out in the end. Keep reminding yourself that you are brave and strong, and you will find yourself acting like it more and more of the time.