Everyone has regrets, and you can probably recall some poor choices you’ve made during your lifetime, maybe even things that still make you feel deeply ashamed or embarrassed, even years later. If you have been carrying a heavy load of guilt or mentally beating yourself up for bad judgment calls that you’ve made in the past, it might be time to begin thinking about them in a healthier way.

First, it’s important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and everyone acts impulsively at times, either because they’re upset or they’re just not thinking ahead to the potential consequences. Expecting yourself to always know the right thing to do or say in every situation just isn’t realistic. You’re going to make mistakes and feel regretful about them, just like the rest of humanity.

Forgive yourself for any mistakes or poor choices that you’ve made in the past. Decide right now that you’re going to set down that heavy load of guilt you have been carrying. Acknowledge that you would have made better choices if you had known then what you know now.

It helps to remember that the good judgment you enjoy now is a direct result of the bad judgment you’ve exercised in the past, so be thankful for those experiences. Even though you would probably love to go back and do things differently so that you could have avoided the pain those experiences caused, doing so would also erase the powerful lessons that you learned through them.

What did you learn from your mistakes? How did those experiences change you for the better? How have the experiences changed the way you live your life today? Write these insights down in a journal or notebook. Read it over a few times so you can absorb the wisdom that these experiences gave to you, which should help you to let go of any guilt or regret that you’re still carrying.

Next, think about your current circumstances, and notice if there are any patterns where you keep repeating the same mistakes. Ask yourself, “What is the lesson that I’m not getting here? What can I do differently to finally move past this pattern?” Consider the ways your life would look and feel if you were making better choices in those areas. As you stay focused on that vision, you will start to receive ideas and insights for ways that you can improve them.

Finally, use the skill of foresight before taking any actions in the future. As you’re getting ready to move forward, pause for a moment and consider whether the decision you’re about to make or the action you will be taking is the healthiest and most productive, for yourself and everyone involved. Sometimes it’s impossible to know for sure but do your best to predict the most likely outcome.

You may still make mistakes along the way, simply because you can’t predict absolutely everything that might happen. But at least by considering the potential consequences you will be able to make the best possible judgment call, based on the information you have in that moment.

Empire Strikes Back is hands down the best movie in the Star Wars franchise. When Luke Skywalker travels to visit Yoda on Dagobah, he lands his X-Wing in the middle of a swamp. It eventually sinks to the bottom and Luke determines that they’ll never be able to get it out.

Yoda sighs and says, “Always with you, it cannot be done.” Luke says that moving around stones with the Force is one thing but raising his X-Wing from the swamp is totally different. Yoda says that it isn’t different – it is only different in Luke’s mind. He tells Luke that he must unlearn what he has learned and Luke replies half-heartedly, “Alright, I will give it a try.” Yoda raises his voice and says, “No! Try not! Do or do not. There is no try.”

Luke sets his mind to it and attempts to lift his X-Wing, but only manages to slightly raise it. It falls back into the swamp and sinks to the bottom. He tells Yoda he can’t raise it, it’s too big. Yoda gives him a pep talk about the Force and how it is his ally and Luke tells Yoda that he wants the impossible and walks away and sulks. Yoda then raises the X-Wing out of the swamp and moves it to dry land using the Force. Luke runs over and is amazed at what Yoda did. He proclaims, “I don’t believe it!” and Yoda replies, “That is why you fail.”

Now failure is part of the process and experience you gain when setting out to accomplish anything. However, for Yoda, he wants Luke to surrender to the Force. Why? Because a Jedi must trust the Force and believe in it. He must become one with the Force. Luke’s lack of belief is exactly why he fails.

When we don’t fully believe in ourselves and our abilities, we may not apply ourselves 100% because we don’t believe we will have a successful outcome. We may be impatient, like Luke was. Luke had only just begun his Jedi training…he still had so much to learn. Sometimes we tend to give up quickly because we aren’t seeing the results we want to see right away. Perhaps it is our own beliefs that get in the way of us learning how to become more.

Our initial beliefs about what we can and cannot do set the foundation for how we see ourselves and our abilities. When Yoda says, “Do or do not. There is no try”, he is imploring Luke to commit to the belief that he can do it. His biggest obstacle training Luke is Luke’s own beliefs about what is and is not possible.

Do you believe that what you want is possible? If you don’t, why don’t you believe it? What is standing in the way?

We often think of jealousy as coveting the achievements or material success that someone else has. But feelings of jealousy are often rooted in fear about our own perceived inadequacies.

We might look at a successful, wealthy person and feel a sense of shame or embarrassment that we have achieved so little compared to them. We might feel disappointed in ourselves because we haven’t yet lived up to our full potential. We might even worry that other people are judging us because we aren’t as successful as some other people.

Maybe you have experienced thoughts and feelings like these when you were confronted with the achievements of another person. When you see a person who seems to be more successful than you are, do you often feel resentful or cynical about it? Do you ever feel like certain people don’t deserve their success because they haven’t worked hard for it, or because they’re not a kind person?

If you were to examine your feelings and beliefs beneath the jealousy, you might discover that some part of you feels as if the other person’s success is a slight against you. Maybe you even feel like you will never be able to achieve the same level of success, which makes you feel defeated and stuck.

The thing to remember in situations like these is that no one else has control over your destiny except you. You have the same ability to achieve anything you want, any level of success you desire, and to create the exact type of lifestyle you wish to have.

One of the best ways to empower yourself in moments like these is to look at every successful person and see them as shining examples of what’s possible for you too. Maybe your success will look a little different, or come about in a different way than theirs did, but remind yourself that it’s still possible for you to become as successful, wealthy, happy, and fulfilled as you wish to be.

Every time you see a person demonstrating success, mentally give thanks for the reminder that you also have the potential to be as successful as you wish to be. Even if you have experienced a distinct lack of success so far in life, that does not need to be the trend moving forward.

Express a genuine feeling of appreciation and gladness for this person and their tenacity in overcoming the challenges they may have faced along their journey. Say to yourself, “I’m glad that this person has such a great life, and I know that it’s possible for me to do the same.”

Remember, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. Even though you might not be where you want to be right now, know that this is all just part of the process. When you feel like you are going backwards, like the arrow, you are about to launch towards something great. Don’t give up – your time is coming.

In a world filled with people posting all of their best moments on platforms like Instagram, it’s easy to compare yourself to other people. You may even become discouraged because your life doesn’t look like what you see on the screen. Comparing yourself to others has real-life effects on your mental health, including anxiety, negative thoughts, depression, and even overspending.

It’s so important nowadays to remember that for many people, social media is a highly edited place where only the best days, angles, and experiences are shown. I call this their highlight reel.

When you water your own garden, you are caring for your mind, body, and soul. And when you focus on this, your life will continue to blossom. If you stay busy focusing on things that make you happy and efforts that propel you forward, you won’t have the time to focus on what other people are doing and if they’re doing more than you. Plus, the only person you should ever be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday – not other people.

Remember, small steps add up in significant ways. If you’re unsure where to go or what to do, start with little things that can lead you in the right direction. That’s how the universe works––energy flows where attention goes. You will be rewarded and guided to bigger and better places by putting effort into yourself.

Ready to become the version of yourself you’re obsessed with? Here are 4 practical tips to stop comparing yourself to others!

Practice Gratitude

Reminding yourself of the things you are grateful for can change your life. It allows you to find joy in things, both little and big. It also trains your mind to focus on the positive, making it much easier when something negative arises. When you focus on the good, more good will come your way.

Focus On Your Strengths

Just like you remind yourself of things you are grateful for, remind yourself of things you love about yourself. A great exercise that can help you with this is to write down three things every day that you love about yourself. It could be your work ethic, kindness, or anything in between. By doing this, you will cement this in your mind, and negative self-talk will slowly dissipate.

Complete With Yourself, Not Others

Like I said earlier, the only person you should be competing with is the person you were yesterday and the goals you have already achieved. Every time you accomplish a goal, make a bigger goal. This is how to truly become unstoppable!

Take A Social Media Break

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just take a break. If you’re constantly comparing yourself to other people, maybe it’s time to set down the phone for a little while. It can be extremely healthy to focus on your day-to-day life instead of getting caught up scrolling on Instagram for hours. Use that time to work on yourself, what makes you happy, and your goals!

It wasn’t until I got into college that I fell in love with Shakespeare. One of the first works I read was Henry IV, Parts 1 and 2, which are both history plays. This quote is a variation of what King Henry IV actually says, which is, “uneasy is the head that wears the crown.”

When you are the king, you carry a lot of responsibilities. Your kingdom depends on you and naturally, this can be stressful. However, in King Henry’s case, there were many things that contributed to his “heavy crown” during his reign. 

Henry seized the throne from Richard II after defeating him with an army and throwing him in prison. Shortly after that, Henry claimed that Richard refused food and starved to death, but it is likely that he was murdered. His reign is beset by rebellion, his crumbling kingdom, his son’s poor behavior and his own guilt about usurping the throne. Not to mention the fact that Hotspur and the Percys are wanting to seize the throne from Henry. Most of Henry’s troubles stem from that fact that his reign is illegitimate. And his ineffectiveness is demonstrated throughout his time wearing the crown.

I often say be careful what you wish for. Henry was so set on obtaining the throne that he didn’t seem to think through how the consequences of his actions would weigh on his entire reign.

As Ben Parker says in Spiderman, “with great power comes great responsibility.” To be the king means that everything that happens while you are in power is on you – both the good and the bad. And with that comes much worry and countless sleepless nights.

Today, I see this quote applying to leadership. When you become a leader two of the things you can always count on is criticism and judgement. Empathy will be expected from a leader, but it will be seldomly given. If you are in a leadership role, how do you do an effective job?

I think knowing that you cannot possibly do everything on your own and building a good support team is important. Many times, myself included, people struggle with delegating or letting go of control of the smaller things. While your team can’t help shoulder the burden of being the leader, they can help you and your business become successful. This in turn will make you a more effective leader. 

When it comes to your responsibilities, are you a good leader? Do you struggle with letting go of controlling the small stuff?

When you approach life from the perspective of thinking you know everything you need to know, you automatically shut down your ability to receive new ideas and insights. The more you think you know, the more closed your mind will become. And the more predictable and boring your life will seem to be.

As a result, your relationships may feel flat and one-dimensional. Your work and creative activities may seem boring and uninspired. Your entire life experience can become mundane and regimented. In a sense, you begin living your life enmeshed within a set of rigid viewpoints, and you are unable to see beyond those boundaries.

When you approach life with curiosity and non-judgment, you become like a sponge, absorbing all kinds of interesting and thought-provoking ideas. This allows you to engage with life in a deeper, richer way. Your relationships become more fluid and harmonious. Your creative inspiration soars. Your mind begins to open and expand, giving you access to information that was unable to penetrate your mind before.

Have you gotten into the habit of presuming that you know certain things about yourself, other people, and life in general? If so, allow a sense of gentle curiosity to open your mind again. When you catch yourself making assumptions about any person, situation, or event, pause and ask yourself the following questions: “Is this really true? Are there other possibilities? How might I see this in a different way?”

When you begin questioning everything you see and experience, your mind begins to open. You start to see things from more than one limited viewpoint, and you embark on a journey of learning that makes life so much more interesting. Remember, until you change how you think about things, you will always recycle your experiences. 

Beyond questioning your personal experiences, you might also want to spend some time being open to bigger ideas and concepts. Sit quietly and breathe, allowing your mind to settle down and become still and quiet. When you feel relaxed and centered, imagine your mind expanding and opening. Imagine your consciousness flowing out far beyond the boundaries of your physical body and traveling out into the far reaches of space.

As you persist with your daily mind-opening practice, you will notice change in how you see things. You may also start receiving inspired ideas that can help you to improve the quality of your own life and as well as your relationships with others.

Would you consider yourself to be a good listener? Do you give your full attention to people while they’re speaking, or do you sometimes end up missing part of the conversation because you’re distracted or focusing on what you’re going to say next?

It’s a sad fact that most of us are not taught how to be good listeners. We may be taught the importance of staying quiet and waiting our turn while we allow others to speak, but there is much more to being a good listener than that. Good listening skills are crucial in forming healthy, meaningful connections with others, in both personal and business settings. If your listening skills are unrefined, other people might see you as rude, disrespectful, overbearing, or uncaring.

Sprucing up your listening skills is actually quite easy to do. The first important step is to make it your goal to treat other people with the same respect that you like to receive. Think about the way you feel when someone keeps interrupting you, or if they seem distracted while you’re trying to speak to them. If you have ever experienced that, you know how frustrating it can be, so do your best to avoid doing that to other people. Avoid glancing at your phone or any other distractions in your environment. Give your full attention to the person who is speaking.

As much as possible, refrain from interjecting, including indications of agreement like, “Right,” or “Yes.” Simply listen, and perhaps nod your head to indicate your understanding or agreement. This is more challenging when speaking on the phone, since they can’t see you. In that case, you might occasionally agree by saying, “Mm-hmm,” but try to do this only when there is a pause in the conversation, rather than repeatedly talking over the other person.

Also remember that words are not a complete or perfect form of expression, and sometimes people use words that are misleading or inadequate in communicating their true meaning. You can learn much more by paying close attention to their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice as they speak.

Being a good listener is much more about discerning what the person is really saying, even beyond the words that they are speaking. What message are they trying to convey to you? Are they asking for your advice or assistance? Are they seeking validation or encouragement? Or do they simply want to be heard and understood?

When the other person has finished speaking, you may want to ask a question or two for further clarification. This not only helps you to understand their message even more completely, but it also demonstrates to them that you were actually listening to them. You can also repeat their message back to them, to be sure you fully understand what they are trying to say.

Doing these simple things will not only help you to develop a deeper understanding of the people in your life, it will help them to feel more accepted, supported, and most of all, respected.

Everything you experience is filtered through your own perceptions, beliefs, and expectations. You might have the same experience as another person, but you will each see it in very different ways. Why? Because your life experiences up to this point have caused you to believe certain things about yourself, other people, and the world around you.

Most of your existing beliefs are formed by your life experiences and the conclusions you drew from them. For example, if you were mistreated or betrayed by someone at an early age, you may have developed the belief that everyone is out to take advantage of you. The next time you encounter a situation that feels that way, that early belief will be triggered. And then you will see your present situation through the lens of unfairness. I’ve talked a lot about this lens in a previous post that you find here.

What we believe about ourselves and the world around us, deeply influences the lens or filter in which we experience life. If you believe you are unworthy your brain will actually seek out data to confirm what it already believes. No matter what happens in your life, even if it is a neutral event – the experience will be colored by whatever lenses are active in your belief system.

The good news is that you can choose to view your life experiences through any lens you wish. You can start seeing your life experiences through the lens of empowerment, or resilience, or goodness. You can train your mind to look at any situation and ask, “What do I want to see here? What do I want this experience to mean for me? How can I shift my perspective so that it benefits me?”

It is also important to begin seeing yourself through a more positive lens as well. Rather than seeing yourself as a person who will be taken advantage of, change that perspective to a person who trusts their instincts, or a person who has healthy boundaries in place. Begin seeing yourself as a person who is worthy of love, kindness, and respect; a person who is blessed and fortunate in endless ways. It sounds too simple, right? Does just changing your beliefs really make your experiences and perspective different?

The answer is yes! But it does take some time.

When you begin changing the way you see yourself and your life experiences, you deactivate those old beliefs that have conditioned you to react in unproductive ways. In the process you create an opening for intuition and insight to emerge. You start to become aware not only of what you are observing, but of yourself as the observer, and how that influences what you see around you. You develop a keen awareness of the moments when your past conditioning is influencing your current experiences. You develop the ability to choose more productive lenses just by choosing to do so.

Remember, the human brain will always seek out data to confirm what it already believes – good or bad. When you start seeing yourself and the world around you differently, you will see opportunities and perspectives that you never saw before.

As you begin to see yourself in a healthier way, you will start gravitating toward better-feeling lenses, like gratitude, openness, trust, love, and faith. Life starts to feel less threatening and more inspiring. You start recognizing the positive aspects of every situation. You are able to look past the struggles and obstacles and grasp the blessings and opportunities. And all of this, young padawan, is very empowering.

With enough practice, you will come to know that every experience in life contains both positives and negatives, benefits and drawbacks and lessons and trials. And you get to keep the ones you choose to see.