What is rationalization? Rationalization is commonly described as a “socially acceptable explanation for an otherwise socially unacceptable act.”

According to Freud, rationalization is a defense mechanism. It’s a way to avoid addressing the underlying reasons for a behavior. For example, you might procrastinate on a project that is due tomorrow. When you rationalize it, you avoid dealing with the real reasons why you procrastinate – which in this case might be fear of failure. 

So why is rationalization ‘bad’? While rationalization is not harmful, it is a form of self-deception. It allows you to make excuses for bad behavior. It also strips you from your power because you end up becoming the victim of your life. 

How can you stop rationalizing? 

Stop making excuses 

If you do something wrong or make a mistake, rather than making excuses, own up to it. When you start to make excuses and create some explanation that sounds good, it not only lowers your credibility in front of others, but also towards yourself. You make something else the problem, which results in you taking away your own power. 

Take responsibility 

We are responsible for where we are today. We can blame other people, whether it is our parents, our bosses, our friends, or our dog, but at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own actions. 

If we aren’t happy about something in our lives, whether it is where we live or the relationship we are in, there is no use in trying to rationalize why we are stuck. Once we take responsibility, we can take back our control over our lives. 

Stop justifying 

Let’s say you are angry or upset. The more you harbor these negative feelings, the stronger they grow. So what’s the solution? To step out of these negative emotions and forgive. 

But, if you keep justifying that you have a right to be upset, you will continue to become angrier. 

This is why angry people continue to explain and elaborate on the reasons for their negative feelings. Instead, if you accept a situation and move on, you can clear your mind, calm down and release negative emotions. Then you can do something to actually change the situation. 

For example, let’s say your boss fired you. If you get angry and constantly talk about it, rationalizing why you are angry and why you will disgrace the company on social media, you just increase those negative feelings. 

But if you accept the situation and stop analyzing it and justifying your anger, you will feel calm much faster, your feelings of anger will dissipate, and then you can focus your attention and energy on finding a new (and possibly better) job!

Remember, rationalization can be a helpful way of coping with difficulties, but if we constantly rationalize, it can also keep us stuck in our lives. When we rationalize our mistakes, negative emotions, or negative situations, we remove the possibility of growth. By rationalizing, we give a reason to why we are stuck and why we cannot change. If you want to grow, it’s important to stop rationalizing and start taking responsibility.

Most of us have been taught that it’s best to be prepared for the worst possible scenario, which makes sense. However, dwelling too much on all the terrible things that could possibly happen can have a detrimental effect on your overall mood and mindset.

Fear has a way of creeping into your mind and taking over, so that everything begins to look and feel like a threat. You start worrying and obsessing about whether this awful thing might happen, or that scary thing might come to pass. While it’s true that these unpleasant scenarios are always a possibility, there are also plenty of positive things that could happen. Afterall, it is said that 99% of the things we fear never happen. By focusing too much on the negative what-ifs, you actually end up investing your energy into them, so that they become more likely to show up in your life.

Does that mean that you should never worry about potential threats, nor take steps to be prepared for them? Not at all. Denial only strengthens feelings of fear and helplessness, while a more balanced perspective will encourage feelings of security and confidence.

It is wise to think ahead about potential challenges and take steps to safeguard the well-being of yourself, your loved ones, your home and belongings. But once your preparations are complete and you have done all you can to be ready, continuing to dwell on the scary possibilities will only keep you feeling fearful and powerless.

Instead, make a deliberate effort to pivot your thoughts to focus more on the positive possibilities, and the good that already exists in your life. Look around and feel a sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything that’s wonderful about your life right now. Recognize just how blessed you truly are. No matter how big your challenges might be, you probably still have many more blessings and good things in your life than the negative stuff. Keep reminding yourself of that and allow yourself to feel genuinely grateful for it.

Also try to keep a sense of healthy optimism about the future. Optimism isn’t about denying that there are potential threats out there, but rather it’s a deliberate choice to focus on the good and expect the best, rather than fearing the worst. Say often, “Good things are coming my way. This situation can still lead to something better.” You may not always fully believe that in the moment, but simply by practicing the thought consistently, you are investing your energy and intention into those positive possibilities.

Finally, keep building an inner foundation of trust. Trust in the goodness of life, trust in a loving universe, and trust in your own capabilities. Remind yourself that no matter what, you have the strength and resilience to handle any challenges that could potentially come your way.

Rather than living in a state of constant fear about the possible storms in life, you will enjoy a sense of confidence that you are as ready as you can be for whatever might happen next. You will be fully attuned to the goodness that is already all around you, and the never-ending stream of goodness that is always flowing to you, if you will just trust and stay open to receive it.

In the movie Creed, Rocky tells Adonis Creed to get into his stance and look into the mirror. He says, “You see this guy staring back at you? That’s your toughest opponent.” Rocky goes on to say that he believes that both inside the ring and in life.

Don’t ever waste your time comparing yourself to other people. The only person you should ever be in competition with his who you were yesterday.

If you find yourself focusing on what you don’t have or what you haven’t achieved yet, remember that a wise man does not grieve the things he has not, but rejoices for those that he has.

If you feel discouraged because you feel like you’re taking steps backwards, think of yourself as a slingshot. What might feel like steps backwards may just be the steps needed to catapult you forward to something greater. Stay focused on your own journey and don’t give up.

Can you remember the last time you got angry and it felt good?

You probably can’t, right?

This is because anger is inherently a negative feeling, and while it may be directed towards someone or something else, the one person it harms is you. And that is because we tend to hold onto anger for too long.

Now anger isn’t necessarily “bad”. It is an emotion that can also be healthy. For me, anger can motivate me to make positive changes in my life. Sometimes finally getting mad at being mistreated by someone can be just the emotion to catapult you into raising your standards of how you expect to be treated.

The problem with anger arises when we hold onto feelings of anger and resentment because we want the other person to feel bad or even suffer. We want justice, because what the other person did is simply not okay. While that is a valid sentiment, at the end of the day, anger hurts us the most, not the other person. In fact, sometimes the other person could care less, while you suffer in your boiling rage.

Why is holding onto anger so bad for us?

It Snatches Away Your Peace

Holding onto resentment causes agitation and takes away your peace. We might think we are “winning” by holding onto a grudge, but all we end up doing is filling our head space with negativity and robbing ourselves of peace. As we stay angry, we fill ourselves with bitterness that not only weighs us down but causes tension and stress.

Holding the Grudge Intensifies the Negativity

When you hold onto a grudge or constantly think about how someone hurt you, it just amplifies the feeling. In fact, studies show that the inability to forgive negatively affects one’s well-being. Additionally, when couples hold on to anger and resentment, their negative feelings only intensify and separation becomes more likely.

For example, maybe something your partner does really irritates you. Accepting it can be hard, but once you do, you won’t feel so angry anymore.

On the other hand, imagine you talk about it to your girlfriends. As you describe the situation, the anger flares up once again in you, and just makes you feel even angrier. You relive the unpleasant situation again. But does it help solve the problem? Probably not. Does it help you feel any better? Nope.

So what’s the use? Let go of the grudge and prevent it from growing in intensity.

It Affects Your Physical Health

Anger not only affects our mental state, but holding onto anger also has an impact on our physical health. Anger creates tension in our bodies, increasing the stress hormone cortisol, disabling our body’s repair mechanism, reducing our immunity, and increasing inflammation. It can literally be poison to our bodies. 

Your Anger Doesn’t Affect Them

Not only does anger harm you, but it also has no impact on the other person. The bitterness you carry that weighs you down, agitates you, and affects your mental and physical health often doesn’t even affect the other person. So, what’s the use of harming yourself?

Remember, anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than on to anything on which it is poured. It harms only you. The next time someone makes you angry, choose to forgive them. Even if they were the ones who committed the wrongdoing. Don’t punish yourself for what someone chose to do. 

Make peace with the situation and try to move on. Not because they deserve it. But because you do. And remember that forgiveness does not mean that you are okay with someone hurting you. Forgiveness means letting go of negative feelings. You can forgive and also choose to protect yourself from the hurtful person or situation. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to stay in situations that aren’t good for you. 

Have you ever felt like you are going through the same situation in your life repeatedly? Maybe you end up in a string of similar relationships that are bad for you? Or maybe you are stuck in a loop of being healthy and then spiraling out of control?

We often end up re-living certain challenges repeatedly. Whether it is because we subconsciously manifest it, it is part of our destiny, or because the universe wants to teach us a lesson, sometimes it feels like certain situations just don’t leave us.

In those times, it can be helpful to remember that every experience we have has a purpose, a lesson, something to teach us. Every moment, good or bad, brings us something. And until we learn from it, it will continue to recycle our experiences.  

What To Remember During Life’s Challenges

Life Is a Teacher

Life is meant to be a learning experience. We all come to life brand new, experiencing life for the first time – at least in our current bodies. No one has done life and returned to do it again. As long as you live, you will keep learning from experiences, people, mistakes, events, and celebrations. So, take each experience, good or bad, as an opportunity to learn.

Every Challenge Has a Lesson

No matter what bad thing happens, it can always teach us something. So take every struggle or obstacle as a blessing or a valuable lesson. It’s an opportunity to grow, in strength and wisdom.

Face the Situation and Lean Into the lesson

Remind yourself that you are here to grow, to learn, and to expand, which means that you need to work through things as they come up. If there is a problem, rather than running away from it, drinking it or sleeping it away, face it head on to see what you can learn from it. When you face a challenge, remember that it has a message for you when you take a deeper look into what it is trying to teach you.

For example, say you don’t have a good relationship with your parents. So, you avoid holidays and family-gatherings. You stay busy in your work, your routines, and your social life. While that is one way to avoid the situation, it will keep repeating itself until you face the challenge head-on.

Instead, when you face the situation and take uncomfortable action to speak with your parents and fix your relationship, you might learn a lesson on forgiveness, acceptance, or empathy.

Nothing Leaves Until We Do Something About It

Sometimes we just need to get up and do something about a situation. It won’t leave unless we take action. In fact, it may even get more difficult with time.

For example, say you are trying to lose weight. You can keep watching Youtube videos about the best diets to follow and you can make a comprehensive workout plan. But unless you get up and change your diet and exercise habits, nothing will change. You need to take action – even if it is just baby steps at first.

Remember, the reason why we often stumble upon certain challenging situations is so we can learn how to overcome them and learn something from it. When you find yourself encountering difficulties, rise to the challenge. Tackle them head on and use them as a learning opportunity. Don’t be afraid of the challenges and lessons, as they are part of our journeys. Be brave and know that all the things that come your way are meant to challenge and strengthen you.

When it comes to the accumulation of things, it’s often true that we want the feelings that are associated with the thing more than the thing itself. In our quest to feel happy or confident, we will buy things we think will make us feel that way. And they might in the beginning, but those feelings are temporary at best.

There’s nothing wrong with buying things you need or even want. But when you find yourself buying things because you are convinced it will make you feel more confident or happy, it’s time to re-evaluate your strategy. Or, if you find yourself doing it to impress other people. The wisdom of Tyler Durden rings true: “We buy things we don’t need, to impress people we don’t like.”

I can’t tell you how much money I have spent over the years on beauty products that I really thought would make me feel more confident. In the immediate, maybe I did feel a little more confident, but it quickly faded away. My makeup looked great, but I didn’t feel so great on the inside.

Understanding your true motivations will help you determine what you are really looking for when you consider purchases. Maybe you really need the item or just want it because you’ve been dying to get that Millennium Falcon Lego set (with the lighting kit, thank you very much!) for quite some time now. And that’s totally fine. But if you are looking to fulfill your emotional needs through these things, again, it’s time to consider what you are really wanting to feel.    

Case in point. When I was in high school, one of my best guy friends was dating this older girl. She didn’t like me in the least. I tried to befriend her, because I thought it was the right thing to do, considering he was my friend.

She wasn’t a happy person at all, though. She cared a lot about image, as in only wearing designer clothes, and she seemed to look down on other people who didn’t wear the same kind of clothes. I didn’t get his attraction to her because she wasn’t very nice and there was always some kind of drama going on.

One day my friend called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a wedding with him. I laughed and asked about his girlfriend. I think by then he was getting sick of her personality. He sighed and said, “I just think I would have a better time with you.” He went on to say that I didn’t care about status and expensive things like she did, and he would have a better time with me. Since he was still dating her, I politely said no because I didn’t want to get involved in drama. But this quote makes me think of her. And I wonder what kind of feeling she was looking to feel from all those things. She certainly wasn’t happy, and she seemed to feel threatened by my friendship with him…so who knows.   

But let’s take a look at five reasons why we can’t buy feelings:

1. Feelings are temporary. Yes, you might feel excitement and happiness the moment you can call something yours. But that feeling will quickly vanish. Once the excitement wears off, it will feel like just another item. If you want the feelings, you’re better off harnessing them within or connecting with others than invoking them through items.

2. You will never be satisfied. Once you buy something and get excitement from it, and then that feeling wears off, you’ll look for it again. It’s a cycle that makes you a hamster on a wheel. You’ll never be satisfied because you’ll always want the next best thing. And in our current culture, there is always something bigger and better to buy.

3. Happiness is about doing. Happiness isn’t about buying. It’s about doing. It comes from doing the things that you love. It comes from passion, adventure, and the journey. When you pursue your passions, that is how long-lasting happiness thrives.

4. Money can’t buy friendship. At least not genuine friendship. And friendship is the true bread and butter of life. A good friendship and happy family are something you have to work for. Although relationships are not the only source of happiness in life, they are undoubtedly correlated.

5. Buying something does not provide a purpose. Most people desire to find a purpose for their lives. They want to do something that has meaning. Money and buying things can give you security, freedom, and a path to reach some of your goals, but it does not provide you with purpose.

Problems and challenges can often provide powerful motivation for change. But often when you are trying to correct a problem in your life, your thought process is confined to the conditions of the existing problem. Your field of vision is narrowly focused on the current limitations, rather than being open to bigger and better possibilities.

On the other hand, when you allow yourself to be led by the inspiration of your dreams, you are open and receptive to many more possibilities that reach far beyond the current challenge you are trying to resolve. You are able to see the big picture and even glimpses of the possible future that your creative ideas could produce.

One good way to harness the power of inspiration and use it in your daily life is by keeping an idea journal. Use any blank journal or notebook, or even a document on your computer, and spend time each day jotting down all of your ideas and dreams. These can be the things that you would like to do or experience in your life, either now or in the future.

These can be very simple ideas, such as small improvements that you would like to make in your life. They could also be fun experiences you would like to have, and those bigger, thrilling, life-changing dreams that have been lurking in your heart for years. You can even write down some positive expectations for the upcoming day, such as, “I will receive abundance in unexpected ways today,” or “I will receive a great opportunity today.”

Write your ideas out in full detail and allow yourself to feel excited about them. Don’t try to figure out how to make them happen, because that will only lead to confusion and frustration. Instead, focus on generating strong, positive energy and channeling it toward the most exciting, fun, gratifying, uplifting ideas that you can imagine.

Then set your journal aside and continue with your normal routine. You don’t have to make anything happen just yet. Simply enjoy the pleasant feelings connected to your ideas. As you continue to do this daily, you will probably start to notice that you are receiving more and more inspiring ideas as you go about your normal activities. Your vision will continue to expand. You start seeing the world in a whole new way, and those changes that you want to make in your life suddenly start seeming more possible.

Most surprisingly, spontaneous solutions to those pesky problems will start showing up just when you need them. The right people will cross your path with perfect timing, ideas will continue to flood into your mind, and new opportunities will appear no matter where you go.

As magical as these changes might seem, they are not caused by magic. When you remove your attention from problems, challenges, limitations, and the things that are not the way you want them to be, you begin to weaken their presence in your life. When you then start opening your mind to better ideas, expanding your vision for what is possible, and tapping into your natural source of inspiration, you generate powerful creative energy that leads you straight to the fulfillment of your dreams.