Sometimes it’s easy to become hyper-focused on making positive improvements in your life. You might be working on getting your next big degree or professional credentials, or maybe you’re tirelessly growing your fledgling business into the next great success story. Maybe you are constantly challenging your body to reach that next level of fitness, or you’re striving to achieve your next big goal that provides a rush of satisfaction and accomplishment.

It’s obviously a good thing to set goals and keep striving to improve in all areas of your life, but it’s also easy to fall into the trap of focusing so much on the outer conditions that you forget to work on the most important project, which is your own self-development.

Any successful person will tell you that it’s not just the actions you take and the results you achieve that create true success. It’s not about ticking off boxes and completing a massive to-do list, or even a so-called bucket list. Rather, success is defined by the caliber of person you become as you strive for better in your life.

Devoting some attention to not just doing better, but actively trying to be better will pay far greater dividends in the long run. Being better means developing yourself as a person, releasing limiting perceptions and building a rock-solid belief in your ability to achieve whatever you desire. Being better also includes consistently expanding your skill set and becoming more focused and efficient so that the actions you take will be more effective.

Developing your character and integrity is also a vital part of self-development, so that you are not pursing success for the sake of wealth and accolades alone, but rather you are committed to being a force for good in the world.

When you make your own development your most important project, you free yourself from the trappings of the self-serving ego. You begin to engage with others from a stance of love, compassion, and humility. You begin focusing more on ways that you can help other people be more successful, rather than just yourself. You start seeking opportunities to leave a lasting positive legacy in the world that will remain long after you are gone.

Interestingly, this selfless approach to achievement actually draws more success back to you as well, because you cannot help but attract that which you are. The more generous you are to others; the more life will give to you. The more you care about others, the more appreciated and supported you will feel as well. The more you strive to be the best person you can possibly be, success will be inevitably drawn to you in everything you do.

Making it your mission to keep developing yourself personally, professionally, intellectually, and spiritually will help you to see your goal-setting activities from a healthy new perspective. No longer will you believe that your outer conditions determine your success, but rather your inner state of success will enable you to affect far greater change in the world that benefits everyone, including yourself.

Most everyone has seen the movies where the main character is living their best life (or so they think), then catastrophe strikes, knocking them down from their podium. Like clockwork, they go through several different phases and set out on an eye-opening pilgrimage to turn the tide and try to get back to the life they once knew. However, in most cases, the universe has different plans. And because the universe is savvy, these characters are forced to learn lessons from their cataclysmic event that sets them on the path they’re meant to follow.

Much like these characters, we all suffer in some capacity. Whether it be a break-up, the loss of a loved one, or something more tragic. And we all cope differently. Some turn to unhealthy lifestyles, and others let themselves be consumed by their tragedies, never to recover. However, it may come as a surprise to know that suffering or hitting rock bottom can be a valuable learning experience – but only if you’re willing to accept the lessons. After all, sometimes, it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough.

Failure Is a Must

Failure often gets a bad rap, and the word holds negative connotations. But, if you change your view of failure to mean valuable experience, you’ll easily access the lessons you need to learn. Failure can be a powerful tool that can allow you to learn from mistakes and come back even stronger.

Although it can be a harsh blow to deal with at first and take a while to realize, you must understand this. Especially if you’re at rock-bottom, having a positive outlook on failure can save you from further despair.

Self-Awareness

Many people go through life without truly knowing themselves. And when you’re in a rock-bottom situation, all your emotions are amplified. So, you must pay attention to all of the emotions you’re feeling and try to figure out why you’re feeling them. Understanding yourself can give you new and different perspectives, and finding a deeper meaning to all of your nuances can help you start putting the puzzle pieces in their rightful spots.

This Is Not Permanent

Although suffering is a part of life, and it might feel like you’ll never climb out of a rough situation, understand that nothing is permanent. Sometimes, we need a little chaos to level up mentally, physically, and spiritually. As they say, chaos is either a pit or a ladder. However tragic the problem is, remember that there are positives even in the most chaotic situations. 

Don’t Rush Through Rock-Bottom

This might sound strange. And when you’re going through it, you’ve probably wished to be out of the woods more times than you can count. However, it’s critical to go through all the stages you need to take in the lessons you’re supposed to learn. You were built for great things and allowing yourself time to process is well-deserved.

Embrace Change

Adapting to change can be extremely taxing, and most people resist change because they’ve become comfortable. However, embracing change can help you get on your feet and try new things. It can help you develop different perspectives and reach goals you never thought possible. Sometimes, you have to take risks to see rewards, so welcome them with open arms when change comes your way.

Remember, life has many plot twists, and some of these twists can lead you to low points. However, these problematic blips are often monumental. But the lessons you can learn from it are endless and can catapult you into places you never thought possible. So, take the time to learn, and listen to yourself. Breakthroughs are never far behind from rock bottom.

It’s a painful fact of life that not everyone will understand or appreciate you for who you are. During these moments, you may be tempted to try to be more like others so you will fit in. But that’s not an effective long-term solution because it’s virtually impossible to make genuine connections with others while pretending to be someone you’re not. As a result, you end up feeling even more isolated and alone, no matter how many people are around you.

Feeling chronically misunderstood can even drag you down into a much darker place where you begin to question your own value as a human being. You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. You may ask yourself why you have to be so different, and why you can’t be more like everyone else. Maybe you even begin to feel ashamed about who you are, which can cause you to withdraw and feel even more lonely and isolated.

During times like these, it’s important to avoid internalizing the close-minded behavior of other people. The reality is, there is no way to know for sure what’s really going on in their minds. They might be laboring under stereotypical beliefs that lead them to make false assumptions about you. They might be unfairly grouping you in with other people that they dislike, for any number of unknown reasons. Or maybe they simply feel uncomfortable because they have never met anyone like you before.

Regardless of their reasons, it can help to do these three things whenever you feel misunderstood:

First, forgive the other people for misunderstanding you. It’s easy to feel hurt and angry when you have been rejected, especially if they have been blatantly unkind to you in the process. But remind yourself that their ignorance and close-mindedness is hurting them far more than it will ever hurt you. Accept the fact that not everyone will “get you,” or appreciate or like you. Let it be okay that you just won’t click with everyone. Even better, remind yourself that they are probably not the kind of people with whom you would want to forge a closer relationship, anyway.

Next, practice radical self-acceptance as much as you can. Don’t let anyone try to convince you that there is anything wrong with you, or that you are lacking in any way. Remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility to make other people feel comfortable. You don’t have the ability to change anyone’s perception of you, and you certainly shouldn’t have to change yourself to please them. Work on developing an unshakable, healthy love and acceptance for yourself, no matter what other people think about you.

Finally, seek and connect with people who will love and appreciate you. Look for people who share your quirky sense of humor, or your daring fashion sense, or your passion for obscure music and art. Join some groups or start your own. Visit places where your ideal friends would most likely gather and start making connections. Simply by daring to be authentic and open, you will attract many more people who will appreciate and love you for who you are.

In The Dark Knight, Harvey Dent says this quote while discussing Julius Caesar being appointed Consul of Rome. Caesar was only supposed to take power to protect the Republic for a short period time. Instead, he ended up not wanting to give up his power and didn’t until he was assassinated.

Dent goes on to say that whoever the Batman is, he doesn’t want to be the Batman forever. He is looking for someone to take up his mantle.

The moral of the story is that heroism isn’t eternal. As a vigilante, Batman may be perceived as a hero now, but it doesn’t mean he always will be. In theory, he has to die while he is the hero, or eventually he will become the villain in the public’s eye. And by the end of this movie, he is seen as a villain – even though he shouldn’t be.

Ironically, this quote foreshadows Dent’s downfall. He is Gotham’s District Attorney and a good one at that. He has done a lot to rid the city of corruption and violence. But as his journey unfolds in the movie, he is met with many misfortunes. These eventually lead to him becoming the villain, Two-Face. Even if you have the best intentions and are pure in your motivations, the path of the hero can lead you in the wrong direction. Things can happen along your journey that lead to unintended consequences.

I can be pretty stubborn. I’ve stayed in relationships much longer than I should have. I thought that the person would change (spoiler alert – this hardly ever happens!) and eventually we would be happy together.

As humans, we tend to accept the love we think we deserve. We may be dissatisfied in our relationship and intellectually know that we deserve better, yet we will stay in it. And the reason is because on some level, we are okay with receiving less than what we really deserve from our partner. We may even have rationalizations about it or seek to try to change the situation into what we want it to be.

But the truth is, when you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t. And this is really the key here. I was finally able to let go of chasing the wrong things when I changed how I felt about myself. It wasn’t the latest fight or mental injury my partner caused. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with how I was beginning to see myself.

Instead of engaging in the vicious cycle of trying to get him to see how valuable I was, my focus switched to how I really felt about the situation. You see, I am convinced that we tend to focus on our partner’s wrong doings and chasing affection as a buffer to protect ourselves from how we are really feeling. At least it has been this way for me.

When I started sitting with my own feelings and the loneliness I felt, I was able to objectively look at the reality of our relationship. It was clear that what I needed from my partner, I wasn’t getting. Yet I was showing up every day giving my best and constantly trying to improve the relationship. I was more invested in creating a deep bond and real intimacy than he was.

After spending time wondering why I was okay with this, I shifted to focusing on the one thing I knew I could control, which was myself. Instead of focusing on what I felt about my relationship, I started focusing on what I believed about myself. I also started focusing on building my self-worth and I took steps to improve my own life. I began exercising more, eating better and spending time with people who were supportive and uplifting. I started working on creative projects that I poured my heart and soul into, which brought me joy. In short, I stopped focusing so much of my time and energy on a relationship where I felt like I was doing most of the work.

When I made these changes for myself, the idea of trying to get him to see my value became unappealing. I didn’t want to spend my time engaging in fights about how I felt because it often ended with him telling me that my feelings weren’t fair, or that I’m the one not really plugged in, etc. It was a completely ineffective endeavor.  

He was also scared because he saw a change in me and how I was treating myself. And one day, I just decided to end it. There wasn’t a huge fight. I was rather calm and measured. I had just realized this wasn’t working for me anymore and it couldn’t be fixed. The fear of staying in a relationship where I felt so alone was greater than my fear of actually being alone.

In the end, I wasn’t mad that he couldn’t provide me with what I needed. We’re all different. And our needs and ways of connecting with others are different. And honestly, that is okay. If anything, I was more frustrated with myself for not valuing myself like I wished I had. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. But it was a good life lesson and one I am glad to have learned.

Have you ever tried your best and done everything in the most perfect way possible, but it still all falls apart?

For example, think about planning a party. You can order decor, plan the food, agonize over every tiny detail as much as you can, and invite all the guests. It could all be perfectly planned. But things can still go wrong. The guests show up late, there is a fire in the house next door, and the power goes out. Even if you don’t make a single mistake, it doesn’t guarantee anything. It’s just another plot twist in our lives.

We have seen this even more clearly in recent times with the pandemic. Many of us had life plans all laid out that completely got destroyed, at no fault of our own. Life happens, and we cannot predict what the next moment will bring us.

Here are some things to remember about life.

1. Life isn’t always fair. One of the most important and helpful lessons to remember about life is that it is not always fair. Some of us have grown up in more difficult situations than others. Everyone has a different set of challenges that they are born with.

And these challenges will continue throughout our lives. Someone might get into the college you wanted. Someone might try less for a job and still get it. Or maybe someone just eats the last cookie in the cookie jar!

While this can feel discouraging and pessimistic, it can actually help us move forward if we let it. It is a lesson of acceptance. When we accept that life is not always fair, we can try to deal with the situation logically and most effectively, rather than getting stuck in burdening questions like “why me?”.

2. Chase success even when you fail. Failure can be hard. No one enjoys losing, especially when they made no mistakes. But that does not mean we shouldn’t try anymore. True failure is only when we give up, because there is always another chance for success. So don’t give up. Remember, failures and losses are just part of life. Continue persevering!

3. Mistakes will be made. Even though it is true that if you don’t make a single mistake, it is still possible to lose, it’s also important to remember another truth: mistakes will be made. At the end of the day, we are all human. We will mess up from time to time.

We might say the wrong thing at the wrong time or send a personal text to the wrong person after a tiring day. We might forget an anniversary or a birthday. We might not get as good grades on the test we hoped. We will make mistakes, and it is important to remember that while also showing ourselves compassion.

So, remember, be kind and gentle with yourself the next time you make a mistake.

The truth is, the universe is immensely complex, and life reflects that. We cannot account for everything no matter how hard we try. It’s important to accept that sometimes even when we try our best, stay dedicated, and make no mistakes, we might lose. Life throws us curveballs. It’s our choice, however, to decide to give up or not. We decide if we take it as a lesson and experience and try again, or to take it as a failure and a weakness.

Life is full of choices, and we don’t always know which way to go when we come to a fork in the road. We can easily get stuck going making a wrong decision and going down a path that isn’t healthy, supportive, or right.

However, one wrong decision doesn’t need to define your life. No matter how long you have traveled in the wrong direction, you can always turn around.

Signs You Are on The Wrong Path

There are tell-tale signs that will indicate that you are on the wrong path.

You’re Constantly Anxious

When you aren’t going the right way, you’ll experience constant anxiety. You might be anxious about paying your bills, hating your job, not spending time with people, etc. If you feel like you can never relax, you might be going in the wrong direction.

You’re Not Satisfied

People who are on the right path find satisfaction in the things that they do including work, hobbies, and social life. Feeling a lack of satisfaction may mean you need to find a different path.

You’re Doing What Someone Else Wants You to Do

Are you living life for yourself or for someone else? Sometimes we get stuck following the path that someone else has decided for us rather than the path that is right for us.

You have a Short Fuse

People who aren’t where they want to be can get angry easily and frequently. If you aren’t happy with where your life is headed, it is common to have a short fuse.

You Feel Like Something is Off

We often refuse to trust our instincts, but they can tell us a lot about what’s right and what’s wrong. If your gut feeling is that you are on the wrong path, you are most likely on the wrong path.

How to Turn Your Life Around

If you have found yourself on the wrong path, the good news is that you can always turn around. You are never stuck where you are, and you can use these steps to change your direction.

Identify Where You Want to Go

Realizing you are on the wrong path can be stressful, and the best way to turn around is to identify where you really want to go. Write down what is wrong with your current situation and find out what you need to do to get out of where you are.

Listen to Your Instincts

As noted above, your instincts exist for a reason. They are a great indication of where you are supposed to be and where you are not supposed to be. Learn to pay attention to the way your body and mind react to the choices you make.

Have Confidence in Your Decision

Wherever you decide to go from here, have confidence in your decision even if you have to fake it. Confidence propels us forward and helps us make choices that serve us well. Just because you made a wrong choice before doesn’t mean all your decisions will turn out wrong.

Make a Plan for the Future

Finally, you need to plan for your future. Planning is a powerful skill as it allows us to prepare ourselves for what is to come. Plan your next path and create a backup plan in case that path doesn’t work. You might go down a few wrong paths before you find the one that is right for you.

Remember, paths work both ways; you can go forward, but you can also go back. You always have the choice to change your direction because as long as you are still breathing, there is still time to change the road you’re on.