I love this scene in Breaking Bad when Walter White says this quote to his wife, Skyler. It completely takes her by surprise. She has just told him that if he is in danger from his business dealings with Gus, they should go to the police. She is adamant and Walter is not having it. She goes on to say if they have to worry about him getting shot when he opens his front door, they need to do it because he isn’t a hardened criminal. He is in over his head. She tells him that it’s the truth, and Walter says it isn’t.

Walter likes being a criminal. And Skyler insists that he isn’t one that he needs to admit he’s in danger. And Walter loses it. Maybe it is just me, but I was so proud of Walter for what he said to her when he says, “You clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!”

Clearly Walt is upset that Skyler didn’t see him as the threat that he was to others. Every man wants to be admired and respected by their wife. Walter sheds his meek persona when he gets into the meth business. He is doing something dangerous, and it kills him that his wife sees him as the old version of himself.

He likes the confidence he has being “Heisenberg”. This new version of himself makes him feel alive. And he just wants his wife to appreciate him.

The lesson here is that sometimes people are not going to see us as we want them to. No matter how much we show that we are different, sometimes they just don’t want to see it. Skyler didn’t want to see Walt as the danger. It terrified her.

Everyone faces challenges in life, and sometimes they can be so overwhelming and taxing that we doubt our own ability to make it through. You can probably recall at least a few big hurdles that you have had to overcome in your own life that may have tested your endurance and patience far beyond anything you had gone through before.

While you probably sought support and guidance from the people who are closest to you, such as your family and friends, you may also have found yourself looking for encouragement from other people who have gone through something similar. Maybe you searched for stories like yours on the internet, or you joined a support group to connect with others who were facing similar challenges.

These connections can often boost your courage and determination to tap into your inner strength reserves much more than you would have on your own. The success of others quickly becomes your own success too, simply because they helped you to remember that you already have within you whatever you need to overcome any challenges.

However, you may be surprised to discover that you can also serve as your own best source of inspiration, even if you can’t seem to find that encouragement from other people. One good way to do this is by engaging in a little bit of make believe.

Imagine that you have just overcome your biggest challenge and you are feeling extremely relieved and proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. Now you are going to write your story and share it with the world so that you can inspire others.

Use a notebook or journal, or a document on your computer, or even record yourself speaking as if you were a guest on a podcast. Start at the beginning and tell your story. Where did you start, and how did the challenge first appear? How did you feel as you faced this challenge? Did you experience any self-doubt or worry that the problem was insurmountable? What finally convinced you that you could overcome it? What did you do to push through to the other side? How has the experience changed you and made you believe in yourself even more than you did before?

Write your story as you would like it to be, a compelling drama that portrays you as the hero or heroine, and imagine your readers or listeners being enthralled and inspired by your journey. Then read this tale to yourself out loud every day, even multiple times a day.

You will find that it inspires you just as much as, or even more than hearing about someone else’s triumphs in life. It will awaken your own inner strength and empowerment so that you end up living your story just as you have written it. Even though some of the details might differ, the ending of the story will be the same, which is you powerfully overcoming any challenge that faces you.

Once your fictional story has actually become a reality, consider sharing it with the world for real, even if it’s just a simple blog post or a podcast segment. Your personal victory just might be the very thing that someone else is desperately wishing for to help them persevere through their own challenge.

I selected this quote from Breaking Benjamin’s song, Dairy of Jane, which was released in 2006. It’s an old saying, though. And throughout history, many have remarked that there seems to be a fine line between love and hate.

But is there really? Surprisingly, the answer is yes. Some of the same nervous circuits in the brain responsible for hate are the same that are activated during love.

For starters, love and hate are both intense emotions. I know when I have been really hurt by someone I love, I have felt hate towards them in the moment. And it quickly fades away after the pain subsides. The intensity and duration of these emotions will vary from person to person. For me, it’s actually hard to stay mad at someone for too long. I’m the kind of person who, while still being mad at you, will think of something randomly that’s hilarious, go to call you and then stop because I have to remind myself I am mad at you.

While your individual mileage may vary, both emotions are strong in that when you love someone, you don’t say, “I love you a little bit”. Or when you feel hate towards them, you don’t say, “You know, I kind of hate you”. You feel it strong. And these intense emotions can be tricky because when you feel them, it can be hard to remain objective about the relationship.

When it comes to feeling love, we are more vulnerable to feeling hurt if their love isn’t reciprocated the same way. Or they do something to hurt you, whether it’s intentional or not. The sting from that kind of pain can quickly change your feelings for them from love to hate.

When you love someone, sometimes you find yourself putting up with all kinds of things you wouldn’t ordinarily put up with. Or perhaps you have chosen to move across the country for them to a place you don’t really like, but he or she wants to be there. We will move mountains for love.

If you hate someone enough, they could go over and beyond to right a wrong and it doesn’t matter to you. Both emotions cause us to go in extremes, and it seems like it can change in an instant.

What Makes You More Vulnerable to Cross the Line From Love to Hate

There are a few feelings that are apt to cause you to cross the line between love and hate. By being mindful of these things, you can temper your emotions.

Rumination

When we dwell on past hurts, we are inching closer to that fine line. We may find ourselves wondering why that person hurt us over and over again. The more you ruminate and fixate on it, you will seek answers in regular conversation. If your partner doesn’t pick up on it or says something insensitive, you may feel hatred towards them for not getting how much they hurt you. If you have chosen to stay and work through the hurt, make sure it is fully resolved before moving forward.

Jealousy

Jealously can rear its head when we are feeling insecure. If we suffer from low self-esteem, we may feel like we aren’t worthy of being loved back. To protect our egos, we prepare ourselves for the worst outcome. That is why we start reading too much into innocuous things, like the way your boyfriend smiled at the barista at Starbucks. It likely was him just being nice, but perhaps you worry that he’s interested in her. Your love may turn to hate because you feel so wounded by “his behavior.”

Possessiveness

Possessiveness is a natural outgrowth of insecurity. We get possessive when we seek to control someone else, so that we feel at ease. It’s ineffective and you end up pushing the other person away because they don’t want to be controlled. You might find yourself controlling where they go, who they hang out with or even manipulating situations to ensure that your partner stays away from other people. This kind of behavior has the potential for both of you to cross the line from love to hate.

How Do You Avoid a Love/Hate Relationship?

The most effective way to avoid this dynamic is work on your self-esteem and understand your attachment style. Knowing how you attach to others can help you understand your own vulnerabilities in relationships. It will give you a map and compass on what you need to do to become more emotionally independent. I wrote a post a couple of years ago all about attachment styles and how you can break unhealthy patterns. You can check it out here. 

In addition, it is helpful to understand what a healthy relationship really looks like. Unfortunately, our culture is constantly altering the image of how a good relationship should be and it doesn’t help that we have less examples around us to show us.  

I also wrote a post a couple of years ago going into detail about the ten components of a healthy relationship. I’ve listed the ten traits below, but you can read in depth about each here.

1. You can be happy and whole on your own.
2. There is trust on both sides.
3. Each person is authentic, and they love and respect who each other is at their core.
4. You both know how to effectively communicate.
5. Each person takes personal responsibility for their own feelings, actions and thoughts.
6. You treat each other with respect.
7. You both welcome boundaries and aren’t offended by each other setting them.
8. Each partner makes the relationship a priority and actively put forth effort.
9. You both know how to resolve conflict.
10. Both show gratitude and appreciation for each other.

Life is a constant cycle of ebb and flow. There are periods of time when abundance and goodness are flowing freely, and also periods when things are fading and disappearing from your life, such as relationships, jobs, and money. These periods of ebb can be frightening because it often feels like you have been cut off from your source of good. You may wonder if scarcity will become a permanent fixture in your life, so you hold your breath, anxiously waiting for the next cycle of flow to appear.

But just like ocean waves, abundance never stops flowing. There is always another wave of abundance and new beginnings on the way. Even as you are making your way through loss and transition, there are fresh new ideas, exciting opportunities, and deeper connections already making their way to you.

Rather than fearing periods of ebb, it may be helpful to see them as a natural pause in the flow of abundance, much like the pause between each inhale and exhale. Just as you don’t worry about your ability to take your next breath, you can also train your mind to trust that your next inflow of goodness will be just as natural and effortless.

Spend a few minutes each day appreciating the natural cycle of ebb and flow in your life and the world around you. Notice the way nature exemplifies this cycle beautifully. The seasons come and go, and nature easily demonstrates the wisdom of releasing the old to make way for the fresh and new. Think about your previous ebb and flow cycles, and how you were able to allow something much more meaningful to blossom in your life once you let go and surrendered that which was no longer serving you.

Affirm to yourself that all is well, even when things are changing, and uncertainty is knocking on your door. Breathe deeply and remind yourself that this is just another cycle of ebb, but there is never a reason to fear because the next cycle of flow is already on the way.

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of anyone or anything that is transitioning out of your experience. Be fully present with any feelings of sadness or emptiness that arise. Appreciate and honor those feelings as a normal part of human experience.

Then begin looking forward with anticipation to the next inflow of abundance. Say to yourself, “I let go of the past and I create space for the goodness that is on the way to me now.” You can even clarify your ideas of the goodness you would like to receive next, such as a wonderful new job, partner, or opportunity. Or simply stay open to all forms of goodness, in all areas of your life.

Remaining relaxed and detached about the cycles of ebb and flow in your life will help you to keep your balance no matter what is happening around you. You will be able to endure your moments of transition with grace and calm, and enjoy the moments when goodness is flowing abundantly to you, knowing that both are a necessary part of the cycle.

In the show Arrested Development, G.O.B. Bluth is often seen uttering the words, “I’ve made a huge mistake.” We also see other characters saying it from time to time.

G.O.B. has the propensity of finding himself in all sorts of situations that lead him to the conclusion that he made a mistake.

While his misfortunes are funny and are played for laughs, there is a lot we can learn from G.O.B.

What are mistakes, really? If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you likely already know what I am going to say. Mistakes and failures are merely experience. That’s it. It isn’t a statement about who we are. A mistake is an action and something we have done. It provides invaluable experience to us, as we learn more from our mistakes than our successes.

Remember, making mistakes along your journey is not failure. Failure is refusing to get up. When you make a mistake, make the decision that you aren’t going to let it discourage you. You’re going to get right back up and you’re going to keep trying.

Mistakes people have made along their way to success is part of their journey. All their failures and mistakes taught them what not to do to achieve success. These events helped propel them to greatness. In a post, talked about how well some people we all know have risen after falling down. You can read it here.

We often spend a great deal of time on positivity and keeping our mindsets in a good and peaceful place. And no matter how hard we try; negativity sometimes creeps in and gives us a run for our money. Whether it’s from someone we know or someone we don’t, it can be tough to drown out the negative chatter and stay focused on our mission.

The best way to combat the not-so-positive counterparts is this: “Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” While that may be easier said than done, it’s worth exploring some ways you can stay focused on your path when faced with negativity and criticism from others.

1. Understand if what you are hearing is negativity or constructive criticism. The first thing to consider is whether the negativity you’re experiencing is intentional or constructive criticism. The difference between the two lies in delivery and intention. However, sometimes words can hurt regardless of intent.

It’s usually apparent when someone acts maliciously towards another. But, sometimes, our sensitivities make us feel disheartened when a person is trying to give sound advice.

Think about what the person is saying. Then, accept it and apply where necessary if you think it’s something that furthers your growth. And if it’s not something worthwhile, simply dismiss and move on to better things.

2. Detach yourself. Being emotionally attached to the negative energies that surround you can be draining. That’s why detaching can help alleviate stress and allow you to relax. In addition, doing this can get you away from drama and unnecessary situations that promote a pessimistic outcome.

If you’re experiencing negativity from an outside source in your life, it can be hard to keep yourself grounded. During these times, detaching emotionally and physically can provide some assistance in staying focused. Here are some tips for detachment.

• Construct boundaries and enforce them
• Communicate your intentions
• Practice meditation
• Find a quiet place to relax
• Do a social media cleanse

3. Look for the positive. Looking for the positive while in a negative situation might seem difficult. Negativity tends to consume, and reactions and emotions often run amuck until a calmer state is reached. So, understandably, finding the light is easier said than done in some situations.

For example, a young man had a rough childhood because his parents weren’t there for him as a kid. And when they were in the picture, it was always messy, and challenging situations often arose.

When he got older, he decided to go to therapy, and the first thing he told the doctor was that he could be angry at times. He could walk around living his life being mad at everyone who had nothing to do with his upbringing. However, he decided that this wasn’t the path he should follow, as it sounded exactly like what his parents had done with him.

Wise beyond his years, he concluded that he respected his parents for one reason alone: They collectively taught him who he shouldn’t become as an adult.

Not everyone has this same story to tell, but because he changed his perspective, he changed his life, and it’s entirely possible for anyone to flip the script.

4. Read between the lines. Sometimes, people are mysterious, and they tell us who they are without knowing what they’re doing. For example, an “I hate you” from the mouth of your teenager translates into “I’m mad” or “my feelings are hurt.” And it’s often the same for adults.

So, it makes sense when you’re faced with a nay-sayer to stop and pay attention to the context- even if you don’t know them. Their negative attitude and criticism may be based on something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. And reading between the lines can bring you peace in an otherwise toxic situation.

5. Let it go. Let all the negativity roll off your shoulders like raindrops. Not only will you find peace in toxic situations, but it can be incredibly liberating to cut off ties to things that weigh you down.

Our brains like to hold onto things that have no use in our daily lives. So, while this is the most crucial step, it’s also the most difficult. And if you’re wondering how to begin this step, here are some things to try.

• Keep a journal
• Keep self-care on the top of your list
• Find a way to get closure
• Practice mindfulness

Remember, inner peace is difficult to achieve. And when negative energies come through and try to wreck the peaceful village you’ve built, it’s upsetting. But here’s the kicker. You can’t control the negative from outside sources any better than you can control the weather. However, putting things into place like detachment and finding the positives can help deflect from straying from your path.

In Breaking Bad, while talking to Walt, Saul explains how if you are committed enough, you can make any story work. He then says, “I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.”

I’ve written extensively about how what we believe, both consciously and subconsciously, deeply influences us. There is a lot of truth in what Saul says. If you convince yourself of something, you will believe it. Even if it isn’t true.

This got me thinking back to a new story I read early last year. This 9-year-old boy from Brazil, boarded an airplane alone without a ticket or going through security. He travelled over 1,500 miles across the country before anyone noticed. How did this happen?

After googling “how to get on a plane unnoticed”, the boy snuck out of his house and headed to the airport. Where was he going? Turns out he wasn’t running away. He just really wanted to visit family living in another part of the country.

You can read the story in full here.

What can we learn from this?

1. There is no real security at the airport (only Zuul). But we knew it was just theater, precious. Yes, yes, yes!

And

2. This kid believed it was possible to do this, so he did. He googled it and gave it a shot. And it worked.

He wasn’t accompanied by anyone, didn’t have a ticket and didn’t have any luggage, either. And no one asked any questions until this kid was on the other side of the country after he was reported missing by his family.

Not only did he believe he could pull it off, but all the people he encountered on his journey believed this unaccompanied 9-year-old was where he was supposed to be. Maybe they just didn’t want to believe he was travelling solo.

What I love about this story is that it highlights that children are more apt to believe that these things can be done, when most adults don’t. Children aren’t constrained by the same filters and reasoning that adult possess about why something won’t work.

And sometimes that is a good thing. But it can also prevent us from seeing incredible possibilities and opportunities simply because we don’t believe they are possible.