After you have gone through a painful experience, do you usually try to forget about it, put it behind you and keep moving forward? While this may seem like the most practical thing to do, it can actually prevent you from moving forward as you intended.

With every troubling experience, emotional energy is generated and held in your body. Trying to push forward without first allowing yourself the time to heal and repair your emotional scars will cause that energy to keep repeating in your future experiences.

This can create ongoing turmoil in your relationships, your work dynamics, finances, and even your physical health status. You may find yourself overreacting to minor situations, or experiencing emotional upset at the slightest provocation. Unresolved feelings can also be turned inward towards yourself, leading to feelings of depression, rage, and self-loathing.

Rather than moving forward too soon, you may want to create a process that helps you to work through your feelings, heal emotional scars, and repair any damage that was done to your belief system as a result.

This can be done in three simple steps:

First, give yourself permission to fully express your feelings. Whether you feel angry, hurt, betrayed, rejected, abandoned or anything else, your feelings are valid and need a loving space for expression and release. You can do this by writing in a journal about the experience and the way it made you feel, or you can sit quietly and be present with the feelings, allowing them to flow gently through your awareness.

Next, as you begin to feel a bit lighter and more at peace about the situation, then you can begin healing any emotional scars that may have formed. With your eyes closed, mentally scan through your body, starting at the top of your head and moving your attention slowly downward, all the way to your toes. If you notice any areas that feel heavy, tight, constricted, or empty, it’s a sign that emotional energy could be lingering there. Focus your attention on that part of your body and imagine flowing a warm current of love through it. Speak directly to the emotional pain and say, “It’s okay to let go and heal now.” Continue flowing love to this wounded part of you and notice how the constriction softens and releases. Repeat this until the area feels light and open.

Finally, examine the beliefs that you hold about yourself, especially as they relate to the painful experience. For example, do you now have the sense that you are unlovable, not good enough, or that you are being punished by the universe? If you notice any faulty beliefs like these, make a conscious decision to release them. Say, “I let go of this belief that I am not good enough. That is not true now, and it has never been true. I’m letting go of this faulty belief. I choose to know that I am good enough. I have always been good enough, and I am good enough now.”

It may take some time to work through these three steps, but doing so will free you from emotional baggage and wipe the slate clean so that you can move forward feeling whole, healthy, and eager about the wonderful experiences that await you.

When Anna sees Olaf melting in the movie Frozen, Olaf tells her that some people are worth melting for. What he means is that some people are worth dying for. Anna ends up sacrificing her own life to save her sister Elsa.

What we can take away from this quote is that some relationships are worth fighting for. When you really love someone, you are willing to make compromises and sacrifices. They are worth it to you.

What are some good indicators that a relationship is worth fighting for?

• They support and encourage you no matter what you do.
• They are honest with you.
• You know that no matter what, they’ve got your back.
• They want to keep your heart safe.
• They love you and all your flaws, quirkiness and weirdness.
• You don’t feel like you have to chase love and affection with them.
• They don’t want to lose you.
• They forgive you when you make mistakes.
• They give you space to grow and learn new things about yourself.
• You can trust them completely.
• They don’t judge you.
• When you are having a bad day, they will join you as you sit in the dark.

When you take a good look at the people you’ve chosen to include in your life (your team), what do you see? Do you see people who support your decisions, treat you with kindness, and want what is best for you? Or do you see people who look for your weaknesses, pick on your insecurities, and hope for your failure?

The quote, “Make sure everybody in your boat is rowing and not drilling holes when you’re not looking,” means that you need to be careful about who you choose to be on your team because not every teammate is a good teammate.

The Importance of Choosing Your Team Wisely

We all get a say in the people we choose to spend our lives with. Some even refer to their friends as their chosen family or their home team. Finding the best people to fill your team isn’t always easy, but it is extremely important.

Not Everyone Has Your Best Interests in Mind

Real friends always want what is best for you. They want to see you thrive and live your best life. On the other hand, you might have some people in your life who don’t want to see you succeed and may even work to get in the way of your success.

Not Everyone Makes Your Life Better

Real friends are supposed to improve your life. They bring additional joy, happiness, and positivity, and they strive to make you feel the best you possibly can. People who aren’t true friends can tear you down, increase your insecurities, and make you doubt yourself.

Not Everyone is Trustworthy

Real friends value your privacy and keep any information you share with them to themselves. Fake friends tend to share your private information with other people to ruin your reputation or prevent you from receiving certain opportunities.

Not Everyone Influences You in a Positive Way

Real friends influence you to make good decisions and build positive habits. Other people might influence you to build unhealthy habits and persuade you to make a decision that negatively impacts your life.

How to Spot Bad Energy

Clearly, choosing who is a part of your team is important, but how do you spot fake friends among real friends? Well, here are a few tips for spotting bad energy on your team.

They Only Come to You When They Want Something

A friend who always takes from you and never gives anything back is not a real friend.

They Never Offer Support

A fake friend is never there for you when you reach out for support.

They Make Everything a Competition

Fake friends always try to one-up everything you do and make it well known that they are “better” than you are.

They Gossip About You

If you hear that someone shared private information about you with other people, they are not a true friend.

They Make You Feel Exhausted

When being around a person makes you feel exhausted (and not in a good way), they likely aren’t a good influence on your life.

They Don’t Celebrate Your Accomplishments

Fake friends will downplay your accomplishments and make them seem smaller than they actually are. Pay attention to how the people in your life treat you. How they treat you is how they feel about you. You’ll find that your life significantly improves when you eliminate the bad energy from your life. Build a strong team of real friends so that you know everyone in your life has your best interests in mind.

I have a confession to make. I am a Goonie. Through and through. Growing up The Goonies was my favorite movie. I’ve probably seen it 500 times, no joke. And whenever we visit Oregon, we make the trip out to Ecola State Park and Astoria to revisit filming locations from the movie. It is non-negotiable.

In this 1985 movie, Mikey Walsh (played by Sean Astin) and his friends are outsiders, but they stick together. They live in a community that is called the Goon Docks. It is set to be purchased by a wealthy realtor who wants to develop the land that is on their home into a country club. Homes in the Goon Docks are facing foreclosure. Mikey and his friends, the Goonies, gather for one last weekend together.

On this last weekend, they go up into Mikey’s attic and come across an old treasure map. The map supposedly leads to the treasure of legendary pirate One-Eyed Willy, and it is believed to be located somewhere nearby. The friends go off on an unforgettable adventure and end up saving their parents’ homes from foreclosure by finding the treasure.

We can learn a lot from the Goonies. Even though they are facing foreclosure and an end to living close to one another, they see an opportunity to change their outcome and they take it. They take matters into their own hands. They have nothing to lose. And in the end, they win. Never ever give up on your dreams. Whenever you set out to pursue anything in life, you will be challenged. You will experience setbacks and failures. There will be a lot of dark days and lonely nights. But don’t quit. Because Goonies never say die.

Through the years, I have met a lot of attractive men and women. Unfortunately, for some of them, their outward “beauty” didn’t match who they were on the inside at all. For some, it was almost like because they were so attractive on the outside, they had the expectation of getting away with bad behavior or not having to do things that was their responsibility. Yes, precious. Very unattractive qualities, my love.

The truth is our current outward appearance is temporary. Our weight is temporary. Our wrinkle-free faces are temporary. These things don’t matter as much to me because it is going to constantly change. That’s not to say you shouldn’t try to put forth effort on your appearance, because that is important for our own self-esteem, too. But there are always going to be physically attractive people around. And who you are on the inside is so much more important than the physical.

To me, I don’t really care about how a person looks. I care about who they are at the core. There have been guys that objectively my girlfriends didn’t understand at all why I was attracted to them, but I was because I liked their “vibe.” Their kindness, playfulness, respect, and loyalty made these guys very attractive to me. All of a sudden, I was physically more attracted to them because of who they were and how they carried themselves. And I couldn’t see them any other way.

What you find attractive with someone on the inside (and outside) is something only you can determine. What are the personality traits you value? What is important to you? Have you decided what qualities are important to have in a long-term relationship or possible marriage? What about if you have children? What qualities would you like the mother or father of your children to possess and impart as they get older?

Presentations. Bills. Work. Deadlines. Our futures. Relationships. Tests. Success.

These are just a few of the many things we human beings tend to obsessively worry about. Some of us tend to worry more than others, but at the end of the day, we are all easily worried. But have you ever thought about what the benefit is of worrying?

Let me tell you: there is none.

As Baz Luhrmann said, “Don’t worry about the future, Or, worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum…”

Worrying about something doesn’t help you. In fact, it uses up your mental energy, so that you are less likely to find a solution. Imagine if instead of worrying, you used that time and mental space to focus on a solution to your problem. Yeah, I know, much easier said than done!

The truth is, worrying about something will never change the outcome. Here are some things to remember when you find yourself stuck in a cycle of worrying.

Worrying Steals Your Present

For example, if you are worrying about the fight you had with a friend a month ago, you are robbing yourself of the present moment. You are stealing your present from yourself. The same thing happens when you worry about something in the future. So whenever you are worrying about something, ask yourself, “Is this a situation in the present moment or am I time-traveling right now?”

There is no point in worrying about the past. After all, no matter how hard you try, you can’t change it (unless you learn how to time-travel, and if so, let me know!).

Interestingly, the same goes for the future. No one has seen the future and you have no idea what it will bring you. Sure, you can try to prepare yourself, but there is absolutely no point in worrying.

Worrying Makes You Suffer More

Worrying causes you to suffer unnecessarily. For example, let’s say you are worried about failing a test. By worrying about it right now, you are suffering. However, when you actually fail the test, you will suffer, too. So what’s the point of worrying and suffering right now?

Additionally, a lot of the things we worry about don’t even end up happening. They are just our minds coming up with the worst-case scenarios, in an effort to keep us safe. However, it causes us more harm than good. Instead of protecting us from pain in the future, we end up causing more pain in the present.

Find a Solution, Don’t Worry

If you truly want to take action to either fix something in the present moment that is a result of something that happened in the past, then dedicate some time to coming up with a practical solution. Don’t waste time and energy worrying. For example, if you had a fight with your friend and you are worried that she hates you now, stop worrying. Instead, you can call her up and clear the air. Maybe she isn’t even as mad as you thought she was.

If, on the other hand, you are worried about an exam in the future, ask yourself what you can do on a practical level to ease the worry. Perhaps it is studying a little bit every day. So, instead of wasting time worrying, spend that time studying instead.

Remember, our minds often end up worrying about problems that don’t yet exist, or that we can’t even control. This results in unnecessary suffering. So, be mindful about your thoughts and redirect your focus from worries about the past or future and return to the present moment. With practice, you will see there is a lot less to worry about than you thought.

When first conceived, there are certain aspirations that are so big and daunting that they seem virtually impossible to achieve. But if it’s an idea that has awakened your passion and inspiration, you may have a hard time letting it go. Your thoughts may keep returning to it again and again, trying to come up with a plan to make it happen, but instead you only get more confused and frustrated because you simply can’t see a clear path to follow.

Although focusing on the big picture can be exciting, it’s also easy to fall into the trap of overthinking and make the journey much more complicated than it needs to be. Like the old saying goes, “Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.” Most likely, you have never climbed a flight of stairs by leaping from the bottom straight to the top. Instead, you took one step at a time until you reached the landing above.

Your big goals and dreams can be approached in exactly this way. Rather than trying to accomplish the entire goal in one big leap, focus on the smaller steps that will lead to the big outcome at the end. Even better, don’t focus too much on the steps that will happen later, because from where you stand now, you can’t possibly know every individual step that will lead to your desired outcome. If you try to plan every step in advance, there will be too many gaps and holes in your plan, which will breed doubt.

As difficult as it may be to believe, you do not need to know how the entire journey will play out. You only need to know which step makes the most sense to take right now. Once you take the step that is right in front of you, the next step will become clearer. With every additional step, more ideas, insights, resources, and courage will be drawn to you, so that you can keep moving forward consistently and naturally to the end result.

Needless to say, a certain measure of trust and patience will be needed as you go along. Trust the process. Reassure yourself with the knowledge that there have been countless people before you who have achieved great things, even goals that seemed impossible at first glance. If you were to ask them how they did it, they would probably tell you that they never could have predicted the twists and turns that they experienced along their journey to success. They simply trusted in their vision and focused on the next step that was right in front of them. They were led consistently to the next idea, the next resource, the next opportunity that they needed to keep advancing. And in between those successful steps, they failed. A lot. But they kept going.

Be willing to adopt this same attitude of trust and patience as you take that first step yourself. Even better, revel in each step and count it as a victory. Pat yourself on the back and say, “I’m proud of myself for doing what I can, with what I have available to me today. What can I do next?” Then wait for inspiration to strike. Before you know it, the next step will become visible, and you can move forward again. Repeat this same process for every step of your journey and before you know it, you will arrive at the culmination of your desire.

Have you ever been with a group of people, but felt alone? Imagine everyone knows each other, are talking to each other freely, and laughing over inside jokes, while you stood awkwardly feeling like you are invisible.

How did it feel? Pretty bad, right?

Now imagine if someone reached out to you and made a special effort to make you feel included. How amazing would that feel?

When we are on the “inside” we tend to forget about being actively inclusive. Only when we are the ones on the “outside”, do we realize how bad it feels and how grateful we are for that one person who includes us. So be that person for others. Be the one who makes others feel included.

Not only will this make someone’s day, but it even helps you. According to studies, people who make others feel good are more central to their social networks and more people consider them to be friends.

3 Ways to Make Others Feel Included

Ask Questions

The best way to include someone is to ask them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and when you ask them something about their lives, you show that you are interested in them.

Find Common Ground

One of the most natural ways of connecting with others is to find something you have in common with them. Human beings gravitate towards what is familiar. When you can find something that they enjoy doing or talking about, they will feel more comfortable and included.

Look for ways in which you can relate to someone, whether it is their hobbies, the movies they like watching, their favorite music, or even similar life experiences you have had. This helps break down walls and create a stronger emotional connection.

Actively Listen to Them

When trying to include someone, be active while listening to them. Don’t be distracted by your phone or lost in your own thoughts. While listening to other people talk, we often start zoning out and thinking about random things like what we are going to eat for lunch or how we will respond to what they say. The key is to be engaged in what the other person is saying and really listen. When you don’t actively listen, people pick up on it and feel even more left out.

We can all agree that it’s good to be a kind person. It isn’t hard to be nice and take a few extra steps to make sure someone feels included. While it may not be a lot of effort for you, you never know how much it means to the other person. Including others and being kind is a beautiful way of opening your heart and sharing love, and in turn also being open to receiving it back, whether from the same person or from another source. So be intentional about making sure everyone feels included, and the loving kindness you give will come back to you.