When you trust in yourself, and feel confident in your position, there is no need to argue or prove that you are right. You trust that the truth will unfold as it should in due time, and you don’t have to respond to everything going on around you.

Easier said than done sometimes, I know. When dealing with someone who is loud, brazen and insistent on something, it can be tempting to get into the ring with them. But the truth is, you don’t have to prove yourself or your point, especially when they are not wanting to receive what you have to say. They are more interested in what they have to say and being right.

When you engage with a loud, insecure person, you are participating in their own issues. Let them figure out their own issues and rise above it. Vibrate higher.

Video on the REAL Secret to Confidence

About the expression: Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.

This popular adage contrasts true confidence with behavior associated with insecurity. The saying suggests that confident individuals don’t feel the need to boast. They aren’t overly flashy, seek attention, or assert themselves to prove their worth. Their self-assurance is inherent and doesn’t require external validation.

On the other hand, the phrase implies that insecurity can lead to overcompensation. You know the type, of course. They brag about themselves. There is no conversation they cannot take over. Often, there people act out to draw attention. This helps them cover up self-doubt or to convince others of their value.

I chose this saying to highlight the idea that quiet confidence is more authentic. On the flip side, loudness can be a facade for underlying vulnerabilities. I hope you found the advise above helpful. And that it encouraged you to reflect on how you carry yourself.

Resources to help you gain greater confidence

If you want to improve your self-assurance to exhibit more quiet confidence, I put together a list of resources that should help.

First, I’ve written about confidence in other posts. Here are a couple I recommend to learn more:

Confidence isn’t walking into a room and thinking you’re better than everyone. It’s walking in and not having to compare yourself to anyone at all

How to Build Resilience and Confidence in Yourself

Second, I have a few books that I can suggest.

“The Gifts of Imperfection” We are our own worst judge. I know that is true for me. If you struggle with seeing all of your flaws, this book can help a lot. If we choose to embrace our imperfections, they lose their power to cripple our confidence.

“The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt” If you know about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) this book will be very familiar. It complements the Brené Brown book above with more strategies to help you overcome insecurities and build genuine self-confidence.

“Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway” This is an older book, but the message is still so relevant today. I have benefited from the exercises and strategies Susan Jeffers shared.

If you have read any of these books, or have other ones you would suggest, please send me a note, or leave them in the comments.

Please note, the books linked above use affiliate links from Amazon. I only refer books I find useful. If you choose to buy one using the links above, I may receive a small commission. Using these links helps me cover the costs of hosting and maintaining the site. Thanks!

Healthy people don’t go around tearing others down to make themselves feel better. Dimming someone else’s light doesn’t make our light shine brighter. Most of us feel bad when we realize that we did something or said something that made someone else feel bad or insecure. It’s often unintentional on our part. But perhaps we need to start being more intentional with how we connect to others.

But in our modern era, those we care about most often don’t feel like we understand or support them. Truly seeing someone and showing them that they are heard and supported is a gift we are all starving for. It is rare that we 100% show up for someone in a way that leaves them feeling like they are the only thing that matters in that moment. We are bombarded by constant interruptions and thoughts of what we need to get done, and that inevitably shows when we interact with them. If this sounds inaccurate, next time you go out to eat, observe how many people are on their phones while dining with others.

The next time you go out with your significant other, friend or family member, I dare you to put away your phone. Be 100% present with them. Make eye contact, really listen to what they have to say rather than thinking about how you will respond. Fully understand them, validate their experience. Let them know that you support them and that you have their back. Showing up in this way for others, and having them show up this way for you, too, can make all the difference in your relationships.  

As a society we are taught that having more equals happiness. We seek higher paying jobs, fancy cars and big houses. We see these things as symbols of success. In Fight Club, Edward Norton’s character says, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” When we start needing the next greatest thing in our life, we become slaves to constantly needing more. And often times, it becomes about keeping up appearances.

No one really says on their death bed that they are happy with all the things they have accumulated through their life. What matters most are the relationships they have built. Yet we live day to day, chasing after things that don’t really matter. And in our culture today, if we aren’t accumulating the stuff just yet, we like to pretend that we are.

In the last couple of years, I’ve seen news stories about grounded private jets being rented out for people to come and take Instagram photos. And in one case a retail store in Los Angeles that offers an actual set of inside a private jet in the store that can be used by patrons for their Instagram pictures. We are living in strange times, indeed.

Why does excess and the accumulation of stuff mean so much to us? Things are just things. And they can be taken from us in a heartbeat. When we are so busy living for the next greatest thing, we miss living in the moment. We are so focused on the future and what we will have or get to experience, that we can’t even enjoy the present. And when you think about it, the present is all we truly have.

With the current coronavirus pandemic, social distancing has forced us all into our homes. We have less options in our grocery stores and even on Amazon. We have even less options in toilet paper these days! But at the end of the day, what really matters? To me what matters is that my family is safe and healthy. And that we are making the best out of a situation that we can and getting through this crisis even stronger than we were before.

There is power in contentment with less. Having less frees us to work on the things that really matter, which are our relationships and experiencing the beauty in this world. And those are the things that money can never buy.

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% of how we respond to it. Yet when we are really struggling, we lose sight of how temporary any trial or difficulty truly is. And more so, we forget all the blessings we have received because were blinded by the challenge in front of us.

If only we engraved our blessings in marble and our trials in sand………

Here are some things to remember when going through dark times:

1.) Accept the situation as it is. What matters now is how you are going to rise from this. And remind yourself that the intensity of what is happening now will not last forever.

2.) Practice gratitude. Focusing on our blessings and on what is going right in the situation can help you keep a balanced perspective.

3.) Focus on changing what you can, even they only feel like small fixes. Remember, it is the small, everyday things that we do consistently that make the biggest impact in our lives.

4.) Try to be positive. Being positive isn’t making light of what the situation really is. Staying positive is a strategy on how you are going to continue to put one foot in front of the other to get through this.

5.) Be gentle with yourself. It is okay to not be okay right now. You are allowed to feel how you feel, regardless of what it is. Practice extra self-care because you need it.

There is a natural ebb and flow in life, or ups and downs. Sometimes those ups and downs are more level and other times, they can be mountain peaks and valleys. There have been times when I have literally had nothing – including a place to live. There have also been times when I have felt like I had everything – nice cars, a nice home, ability to travel for months at a time with plenty of money saved up. 

You learn so much more about yourself when you have nothing. This is the place where you discover who you really are and what you are made of. You ask yourself if you are willing to do the work to get to where you want to be? Are you willing to discipline yourself? Are you willing to forgo the things that you might want now and be patient and earn it? Are you willing to get up every day and do what needs to be done to reach your goals even when you don’t feel like it? Are you willing to put in the time and effort that is needed before you start to see the results that you want?

When you feel like you have everything you could want, how do you treat others? Are you kind or do you have an attitude of entitlement? How do you treat people who can’t do anything for you? Are you willing to pay it forward with zero expectation from someone else, and help them because you are in a position to do so and everyone needs help every now and again?

Both our peaks and valleys define us. These extremes test us and reveal who we really are…Who are you when you have nothing? Who are you when you have everything?

I’ve written before on the importance of your attitude. If you found this post helpful, consider reading my thoughts on the expression: Attitude is Everything.

Our thoughts are like seeds in our minds. They can take root and flourish. Our minds are incredibly powerful. What we think about, we focus on. What we focus on is what we give our time to. What we give our time to ultimately becomes our reality. How? Because who we are is determined by our daily habits. Our daily habits are actions we take based on what we are focused on.

If you are a positive person and your focus is on self-improvement, I am willing to wager that your daily habits encompass positivity and working towards your goals. If you look at the world through a negative lens, you probably experience a lot of lack and see bad intentions where they may not even be.

I’ve known people who just see the world as a negative place. A place where they are a victim, where everyone is out to get them and are always experiencing some kind of slight.  I’ve even witnessed them hearing things from others that objectively are neutral statements, but that they heard as negative and a dig against them. It’s amazing how if you focus on feeling slighted by the world, everything that happens can be interpreted that way and now confirmation bias has been created to confirm that your world view is accurate.

Our focus has so much more power than we realize. What do you focus on? How do you see the world? Is your cup half empty or half full? Or is your cup refillable? 

Yes, we all have heard that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. But the real question is, how to do get to the point where we can handle stress well so that we can grow from it and become stronger?

The answer lies in how we process our emotions during those times of distress and high emotions. How many times have you looked back at how you handled stress and wished you had handled it better? There have literally been times I have cringed thinking back to how I responded to stress. Those were definitely not my proudest moments.

How can we slow things down in moments of stress and handle them more effectively?

1.) Know that hardships and setbacks are inevitable. Stress is going to happen. Instead of focusing your thoughts on the stress itself, try to focus on what steps you can take to improve things.

2.) Keep things in perspective and avoid catastrophizing. Reframe what is happening and know that intensity of the situation will subside.  

3.) Take care of yourself. Physical activity has been proven to reduce stress and help you get a good night’s sleep, which is important when dealing with stress. Eat well and hydrate. Putting your physical body in the best possible position to handle potential stress is key.

4.) Distract yourself with healthy coping mechanisms when things get too overwhelming. Sometimes spending time with friends or watching funny YouTube videos when we are overwhelmed can help balance us and get us to a better place mentally.