We often take how others treat us to heart and believe that how treat us is a statement about our value or worth. But most of the time, how people treat us has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with how they feel about themselves.

Other people’s negativity can only affect us if we are on the same frequency. How we deal with crappy treatment, hurtful comments or overall negativity is 100% on us. We can determine how we respond. And when you internalize that we are truly responsible for our own thoughts and feelings, it is easier to take a step back and not take things personally.

When people cope by projecting, what they are doing is protecting their ego and sense of self-worth by attributing traits, feelings or actions that they don’t like about themselves onto someone else. For example, if a spouse is cheating on their partner, they may accuse their partner of being unfaithful, when there is no evidence of it.

People who project onto others often have this anxiety inside them because they are uncomfortable with the feelings they have towards themselves. By projecting onto others, they release some of the anxiety related to it, without actually addressing the real issue – which is how they are feeling about themselves. It is an ineffective coping mechanism. Think of it as a pipe under immense pressure and each time the person projects, some of the pressure is released by the valve. The problem is, because the real issue is never being addressed, the pressure builds right back up. 

Obviously, this behavior is not okay. But when you see it for what it is, you aren’t as easily offended or hurt. You can take a step back and respond to the person in a way that makes you feel proud of yourself. You can be the light and vibrate higher. 

People who spend their time looking for flaws in others do so as a mental buffer to protect themselves from what they would see if they looked at themselves. It’s easier to point out shortcomings in others than it is to honestly look at their own flaws, take responsibility for how they feel about themselves and take action to improve themselves.

When a person spends time looking for flaws in others, they reveal that there is something inside of them that needs healing.

What I think many people don’t realize, is that when they criticize others, they are actually feeding their own insecurities and making them worse. They feel a temporary ego boost and illusion of being superior to someone else, but it is very short lived. They keep repeating the behavior to “feel better”, because that is how they have learned to feel good about themselves – except they never really do. And inside they know they are being cruel, which makes them feel worse about themselves.

When dealing with these kinds of people, try not to take their negativity personally. Hurt people, hurt people. Vibrate higher. Don’t lose your luster and stay in the light.

We tend to need some kind of closure when there has been an end to a significant piece of our life. Whether is a relationship, death of a loved one or job change, the finality of it all can be overwhelming and painful. Afterall, whatever had been part of your live was real and meaningful.

Closure allows us to let go of what once was. It is acceptance of what has happened, honoring what was once there and integrating it into our lives. This integration allows us to move forward without self-imposed limitations and offers us opportunities in our lives that we might not see if we stayed stuck in the same place.

With relationships, it is completely human to want answers from someone if they ended the relationship abruptly. We go into puzzle-solving mode, trying to understand where things went bad and where the red flags were that the end was coming. We keep seeking information until we are satisfied. But the truth is, most of the time we will never get all the information we seek. Maybe the person who ended it has ghosted us and they aren’t going to tell us anything we want to know.

Here’s the thing about closure: Closure is an inner-self journey of healing. It only requires you and you have to find peace on your own. And not all situations are going to look the same. It isn’t a linear process – it can be pretty messy.

It’s also important to note that everyone is different when it comes to closure. We all have distinctive ways in how we heal. Some need closure and peace of mind more than others, and that’s totally okay.

Here are some ways you start to get closure for yourself and restore your peace of mind:

1.) Give yourself the freedom to feel all the emotions you have – without judging yourself.

Some find it helpful to journal their feelings and some prefer talking to a friend or therapist about how they are feeling. There is no right or wrong way to feel and you have every right to feel how you feel about it.

2.) Express your feelings in a way that promotes healing for you.

If you know that confronting the person involved will bring you peace of mind, see if they will speak to you about it. If they aren’t, respect their boundary and write a letter to them and don’t send it. If you are seeking closure from the loss of a loved one, I find that sometimes saying the things that you wish you had the chance to say to them in person through a letter helps, too.  

3.) If you wronged someone, apologize.

If you did something or said something that was hurtful, acknowledge and own what you did to the person involved. Whether it’s in person, on the phone or through email, express it. If the person doesn’t want to talk to you, respect their boundary and write a letter of apology and save it for a later date or just discard it instead of sending it.

4.) Practice gratitude and focus on what you learned from the experience.

Say your ex ended your relationship out of the blue and you didn’t see it coming. Practicing gratitude and focusing on what you learned from the experience helps integrate what happened. Perhaps the relationship was an opportunity to learn more about what you like and don’t like in a partner. Maybe looking back you see some red flags that were there, and you can use that knowledge in future relationships. Relationships that end, while painful in the immediate, provide an amazing amount of opportunity for introspection and personal growth.

5.) Be patient with yourself.

Like I said earlier, creating closure for yourself isn’t a linear process. It takes time. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and stay open to all possibilities that lay ahead.   

In so many success stories, we hear about how major movements towards goals didn’t happen until the final hour or until the person literally had nothing else to lose. These kinds of odds and triumphing over these challenges is what makes success stories so compelling – and inspiring.

The thing about the energy of chaos is that it has the ability to catapult us in the direction we want to go. All we have to do is recognize it and harness that energy to work for us, rather than against us. And it all begins in our minds.

We know that rock bottom will teach us lessons that mountain tops never will. We learn more about who we are and what we are truly capable of in these dire moments. We become more resourceful and resilient. We take chances we may never had taken before because we literally have nothing to lose. And the chaos of rock bottom and how we respond to it, is what determines our outcome.

We need to condition our minds to see rock bottom or chaos as an opportunity. And that is so much easier said than done when things have completely gone off the rails. But the truth is, sometimes how we tend to look at events that happen to us is more influential than what happens to us.  

Our brains actually have a filter that creates guidelines as to how we perceive information. What we believe about ourselves and the world around us is what creates the filter we have. We determine the parameters of that filter by what we decide to focus on and what we believe. This idea is basically the science behind the Law of Attraction. The good news is, we can train our mind to see chaos as opportunity.

If you choose to see chaos as something that paralyzes you and you truly believe that, it will indeed paralyze you. But if you choose to see it as an opportunity to take a risk because you don’t have anything to lose, you will see it as an opportunity. And if it doesn’t work, you will see it as an opportunity to try something else. 

Remember, your only constraint in how you see things is your mindset. What you focus on consistently, you create. What you believe consistently, you create.

Choose to focus and believe in opportunity and your own strength and ability.   

It can be hard to see your struggle as a test when you’re in the middle of it. It’s in those moments of wondering if it’s really even worth it to keep going, that you have to dig deeper and rely on discipline, rather than motivation. You aren’t going to be motivated 100% of the time about your goal. You have to trust that staying disciplined, even when it is the last thing you want to do, will carry you through those moments of doubt in yourself.

When you feel like giving up, remember this:

• When you feel like quitting, remember why you started.
• The only way out of it, is through it. Keep going.
• Sometimes not getting what you want in a moment, is actually a wonderful stroke of luck.
• The most critical decision is made when you feel like giving up.
• You haven’t come this far to only come this far.
• It doesn’t matter how slow you go, just don’t stop.
• You haven’t failed. You’ve just found ways it won’t work. Just keep trying.
• No one has the power to shatter your dreams unless you give it to them.
• If your plan isn’t working, change it. Stay focused on the goal and flexible on how you get there.
• Be patient. Sometimes you have to go through the worst to get to the best.