Have you ever noticed that some of the most intelligent people in the world are also the quietest people? Have you ever wondered why that is? In this post, we will address why smart people speak less, how speaking less can make you smarter, and how you can begin listening more.

Why Do Smart People Speak Less?

There are four main reasons that smart people tend to speak less:

Listening More

Intelligent people tend to listen more to what is being spoken around them. They pay attention to the different perspectives that are shared because they recognize that listening is a great way to gain additional knowledge. If they are the ones talking all the time, they aren’t learning anything new.

Thinking Before Speaking

In addition, smart people tend to think more before speaking. They contemplate what has already been said and think about how they want to phrase their message before sharing it with others.

Being Perceptive of Surroundings

As with listening more to other people, intelligent individuals also are more perceptive of their surroundings. They are always waiting to gain additional insights and knowledge. If they were talking, they wouldn’t be able to give their attention to anything else.

Saying What is Important

Finally, smart people tend to focus on saying what is important rather than just talking to talk. They only say what needs to be said because rambling can be a waste of time and energy.

Can Speaking Less Make You Smarter?

There is some truth to the statement, “speaking less makes you smarter.”

No, you are not going to significantly increase your intelligence by not talking. However, speaking less means that you are listening more, and listening more allows you to gain additional information and knowledge that you didn’t previously have. In this way, speaking less can make you more knowledgeable.

Speaking less can also allow you to form better relationships with others as it allows you to truly listen to what they have to say rather than interrupting them or not fully listening to their perspective. Often times, when “listening”, people are really just waiting to respond.

How To Listen More

So, how do you begin listening more? Well, here are four ways you can go about talking less and getting the most out of conversations with other people.

Monitor How Much Space You Occupy in a Conversation

If you tend to be the person that talks the most in conversations, start monitoring how much “space” you take up in your interactions with other people and try decreasing the amount of talking you do.

Understand That Silence is Okay

The next step is to recognize that silence is okay. Conversations tend to have natural silences; try not to fill those silences. Instead, use that time for reflection. Reflect on what has already been said in the conversation and wait for the other person to break the silence.

Ask Good Questions

Gain further insight into what the other person has to say by asking them questions. Smart people ask good questions all the time because it allows them to get a better understanding of other perspectives and gain new information.

Put Away Distractions

Distractions prevent you from listening to the fullest. Put away your phone and have conversations in a quiet space to get the most out of your interactions.

If you want to increase your knowledge, start talking less and listening more. You would be surprised how much you can learn.

A variation of this Baltasar Gracian quote was spoken in the 2013 movie, Rush.

You can tell a lot about a person by the company he or she keeps. Someone who is wise doesn’t surround themselves with fools. As they say, we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with.

And the truth is, we tend to take comfort in the company of our friends. These are people we have selected to develop a deeper, more meaningful relationship with who we feel we can trust. But many times, with that comfort comes familiarity. Hopefully if you have friends who are thought to be wise, they also challenge you.

Our enemies require us to think harder and be better. They aren’t ‘safe’ people. While a wise man may not fear their enemies, they will certainly pay attention to what they do. Why? Because they need to be able to predict harm that an enemy may attempt to cause them.

We may spend more time trying to understand our enemies’ motives, too. What drives them? What do they really want? Why do they see you as an enemy?

The most dangerous people are those with nothing to lose. And when you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain.

A person can take the most risk when nothing else is at stake. It has been said that fighters inside the boxing ring will fight harder when they don’t have family or friends watching them. They will endure far more suffering and will fight until their last breath if they have to. But if they have loved ones around them watching them get knocked out over and over again, they have a different strategy. Their priority is leaving the ring enact over winning the match. They don’t want their loved ones to watch suffer horrible injuries or die in there.

When you compete with someone who has nothing to lose, you must understand that the struggle you will both face will not be equal. For example, someone who has a family dependent on him or her for financial security will likely take less risks that put their job in jeopardy. However, someone who is single and does not have people depending on them for survival, is willing to take more risks because they are the only one who will be affected.

In the world of social media, it can appear that physical appearances have become of the utmost importance. However, you should never underestimate the importance of being kind to others. The quote, “No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart,” emphasizes how attractive kindness and positivity truly are.

Kindness is Attractive

Have you ever met someone who looked attractive, but they were mean towards other people? How did you feel about that person?

When I was in high school, there was an older boy who was in my chorus class who I thought was gorgeous. One day we were paired up together and I was excited to have an opportunity to get to know him. Well, he turned out to be such a jerk. And not even in a charming, redeemable kind of way. After that one interaction with him, I no longer found him attractive. At all.

Studies have shown that people are attracted to kind people with good character. There are even indications that internal beauty is reflected as outer beauty.

Essentially, people like people who are nice to other people and nice to themselves.

Kindness Makes Us Feel Good

Not only does kindness attract other people, but it also makes us feel more positive about our own lives. Showing kindness to others has been shown to increase empathy, improve mood, improve health, and decrease stress.

With all of those benefits, there is no reason to not be kind to others.

How to Radiate Positivity and Kindness

Smile All of the Time

The simplest way you can radiate positivity and kindness is to smile. People feel more at ease and more friendly when they see a smile. In addition, when we smile, our brains and bodies receive numerous benefits including decreased stress, decreased pain, and improved mood. 

Hand Out Genuine Compliments

You can make someone’s day 100 times better by giving them a compliment. It is so easy to tell someone you like how they styled their hair or that you really like an idea that they came up with, and it can truly make a difference in that person’s life.

Lend a Helping Hand

There is always someone around us who could use some help. Whether it’s lending a person your pen at the post office or volunteering at your local food pantry, helping others is a great way to spread kindness and also feel more positive about your life.

Take Care of Yourself

That being said, you can’t help others if you haven’t yet helped yourself. People with good hearts tend to put other people before themselves, but self-care is necessary to be able to give other people your best. Being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to other people.

Avoid Gossip

Gossip is not kind. Gossip is typically intended to harm someone’s reputation. People that radiate positivity and kindness do not engage in gossip and discourage gossip from those around them.

Do Things That Make You Happy

If you do more of the things that you enjoy, you’ll feel more positive about life and will be able to share that positivity with other people. Do what makes you happy and encourage others to do so as well.

Share Your Talents with Others

Everyone is good at different things. You likely have skills that the person next to you lacks. A great way to be kind to others is to share your talents with them. For example, if you’re good at home improvement and you know someone who is looking to get work done on their home, offer some insights to help them plan their project.

Say “Thank You”

Expressing gratitude to the people in your life can help them feel appreciated and feel like they are important. Being grateful can also help you increase your overall happiness.

Have you ever gotten stuck ruminating about a past regret? It is so easy to dwell in the past and mull over what you went wrong or what you could have done. However, no matter how much you think about what already happened in the past, can you ever change the outcome? Of course not. When you are stuck in the past, you can’t move forward.

Reasons Why You Should Let Go of Your Past

You Make Room for the New

Change happens for a reason. The past is the past to help you create a new future. Unless something changes and the past is left behind, there is no space for the future.

Each Minute is Brand New

You have the opportunity to be brand new in each minute. You are not defined by your past experiences or circumstances. If you failed one hundred times, that does not mean you are a failure. Decide right now is when you change your life. You have the power right now to start again, to be who you want to be, and to do what you want to do.

You Let Go of Past Manifestations

Choose right now to let go of your past experiences. You get to be whoever you want to be. If you get stuck in all your past failures, you will end up believing you are a failure, and not even give yourself a chance.

We are a manifestation of our beliefs. If you believe you are not worthy of love, you will not find it. If you believe you are not good enough, you will not act with the confidence to attract what you want.

Stop reacting to physical representations of your past beliefs. Decide now who you want to be to create the future that you want.

You’re Motivated to Achieve Your Goals

Rather than thinking about your past mistakes, think about your future goals. What do you want to achieve? Where do you want to be in 3 or 5 years? What do you need to do to achieve your goals? When you think about the future, rather than the past, you can work towards the goals and dreams that you want to bring into reality.

You Learn to Make Smart Decisions

When you are clear about what you want in your future, you make smarter decisions that are aligned with your goals. For example, if you want to lose weight, but you are stuck thinking about how you failed at every diet in the past, you won’t be motivated to eat healthy. However, by letting go of the past, you can give yourself a clean slate and try again. You will be motivated to make the smart decision, like snacking on fruit rather than chocolate, because you are clear on your goals for the future.

Instead of dwelling on the past, hope for the future. When you let go of the past you can fully appreciate the present and feel empowered to create a future that excites you.

At times it’s easy to overreact and take extreme or overly aggressive action, especially when there are strong emotions present, such as fear, anger, or passion. For example, you might go through a frightening experience, and afterwards feel compelled to take extreme safety measures, simply because your fear is driving those decisions. Or you might have such a strong feeling of passion about a goal that you wish to achieve that you might take on too much, too soon in an attempt to cross the finish line sooner.

The problem with extreme reactions like these is that they are not sustainable long-term, and they are rarely even effective in the short-term. You expend so much of your energy and power so quickly that you are left feeling drained and frustrated. And what little progress you make will seem trivial when compared to the energy and effort you had to put forth in order to get it.

Even worse, pushing too hard and taking drastic measures to overcome a challenge can even cause you to over-correct and trigger a chain reaction that results in more problems and delays than you would have experienced otherwise.

Instead, it’s wiser to take a more balanced approach to action whenever possible. Rather than plowing forward with drastic measures, you will often accomplish much more by taking just a few carefully considered steps in the right direction. Your energy will be conserved, and you will empower yourself with the inspiration to take another step, and another after that.

If you have a habit of overreacting in stressful or trying circumstances, or if you regularly push yourself excessively hard when you are going after something you want, start creating a new practice of pausing for a minute or two instead of launching immediately into action. During the pause, ask yourself these questions: “Are my emotions running high right now? Are the actions I am about to take actually an overreaction? What is really driving my extreme reactions right now? How can I take a more balanced, thoughtful approach in this situation?”

Stay present and aware as you breathe deeply and allow your emotions to calm down. Usually, just connecting with the awareness that you are in a state of overreaction can help you to return to a state of clarity and calmness. Once your emotions feel stable and calm, then you can consider the best course of action and begin formulating a sensible plan to move in that direction.

Taking such a mild approach to large challenges may seem counter-intuitive at first. But in most cases, the action steps themselves may not be much different than the steps you would have taken in your state of overreaction. It’s just the magnitude and intensity of those steps will be lessened so that they feel more manageable and far less draining.

Occasionally, you may indeed encounter situations where swift, extreme action is necessary and even beneficial. However, taking a few moments to think it through and make the decision from a state of calm and clarity will help you to be more mindful throughout the process, rather than allowing turbulent emotions to drive your responses.

It can be such a helpless feeling to see someone you care for struggling or suffering in some way, especially when there is nothing you can do to change the situation. Sometimes the smallest gestures can mean the most, such as offering a kind word, a helping hand or some comfort when they’re hurting.

One of the most subtle, yet powerful ways to be a force for good is by lending your calming, grounded presence to those who are struggling. Just the simple act of sitting with someone and being there for them during their darkest time can make all the difference.

Giving your undivided attention and listening as they share whatever is weighing on their heart can help them to feel understood and supported. While it is natural to want to be helpful and offer advice, most of the time, people just want to know that they are heard and understood. One of the loneliest feelings in the world is to feel unheard and misunderstood.

In an earlier post, titled, “The fool speaks, the wise man listens”, I wrote about how to be a better listener. You can read it here. We tend to underestimate the power of truly listening to and hearing another soul.

When I was a counselor for Crisis Text Line, one of the first things we learned in our training was to listen to someone without trying to offer up a solution. It sounds so obvious to just listen, but it honestly takes conscious effort for most of us to not to problem solve. I can tell you that this training not only made me effective at working with people in crisis, but it helped me be a better listener to my family and friends.

As a problem solver myself, I can see how offering solutions to problems can be seen as loving. You want to help the people you care about. But like I said earlier, most people aren’t looking for someone else to have the answers. They just want to be heard and understood. And when you think about it, if the person doesn’t feel heard or understood, coming in with the calvary with a solution to their problem can feel a bit…dismissive – even though you don’t mean it that way.

When someone you care about is hurting, strive to make them feel less alone than to “fix” their feelings. Meet them where they are and just be there for them. Doing so goes a lot further than you think.

It’s hard to live life without a sense of who you are. When going through situations without any sense of direction or standard to live by, you can become vulnerable to what other people say.

The more you understand who you are as a person, and what you want, the easier it is to maneuver life. Without having a sense of self and knowing what you believe in or what you want, you are left to the whims of everyone else’s opinions of you and their ideas about what life should look like for you. You end up giving them the power to define you, and this often leaves you feeling frustrated. If you don’t follow their advice, will they be mad? If you do follow their advice, will you be happy?

Often, without an idea about who we are, we accept the version of ourselves that other people create. This can leave us feeling dissatisfied with our lives as we struggle to fit into a mold we were not created to fit in. It’s like trying to stuff your size 8 foot into a size 6 shoe. It just doesn’t fit right.

How do we figure out who we are and what we want?

1. Define your beliefs and values. Beliefs are convictions you accept to be true. Values are standards of behavior about what is important in life to you. This is the compass you will use to live your life the way you want. Where are your values and beliefs coming from? Are you living life based on what someone else believes or based on what you believe?

2. Decide what type of person you want to be. Who are you right now? Not the version others have created for you, but your true self? Do you limit the real you from showing because you’re afraid of what others may think? Define your likes and dislikes. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What goals do you have for yourself?

3. Take responsibility for your life. Stop letting others define what you should be or what you should do. What makes you happy? If money wasn’t a factor, what would you do? If you couldn’t fail, what would you do? Create goals to achieve what you want to do and start working toward that.

Strive to understand who you are and be content with whoever that person is. If you can do that, you’ll begin to understand your worth and what you contribute to this world. You can define your limitations and not beat yourself up for what you are unable to be or do.

If you are struggling with figuring out who you are, I wrote a post with questions you can ask yourself to rediscover who you really are. You can read it here.  Remember, you were created as you are for a reason. You waste time when you try to be someone you’re not. Stand tall and be proud.