When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.

It can be such a helpless feeling to see someone you care for struggling or suffering in some way, especially when there is nothing you can do to change the situation. Sometimes the smallest gestures can mean the most, such as offering a kind word, a helping hand or some comfort when they’re hurting.

One of the most subtle, yet powerful ways to be a force for good is by lending your calming, grounded presence to those who are struggling. Just the simple act of sitting with someone and being there for them during their darkest time can make all the difference.

Giving your undivided attention and listening as they share whatever is weighing on their heart can help them to feel understood and supported. While it is natural to want to be helpful and offer advice, most of the time, people just want to know that they are heard and understood. One of the loneliest feelings in the world is to feel unheard and misunderstood.

In an earlier post, titled, “The fool speaks, the wise man listens”, I wrote about how to be a better listener. You can read it here. We tend to underestimate the power of truly listening to and hearing another soul.

When I was a counselor for Crisis Text Line, one of the first things we learned in our training was to listen to someone without trying to offer up a solution. It sounds so obvious to just listen, but it honestly takes conscious effort for most of us to not to problem solve. I can tell you that this training not only made me effective at working with people in crisis, but it helped me be a better listener to my family and friends.

As a problem solver myself, I can see how offering solutions to problems can be seen as loving. You want to help the people you care about. But like I said earlier, most people aren’t looking for someone else to have the answers. They just want to be heard and understood. And when you think about it, if the person doesn’t feel heard or understood, coming in with the calvary with a solution to their problem can feel a bit…dismissive – even though you don’t mean it that way.

When someone you care about is hurting, strive to make them feel less alone than to “fix” their feelings. Meet them where they are and just be there for them. Doing so goes a lot further than you think.