Creation is silent, destruction is loud.

  • Post author:

There is power in silence. Creation starts with a single seed. It stays buried in the soil, covered in darkness, without any evidence that is there. But beneath the surface, it’s forming its root system into the ground and it’s taking in nutrients and water. And it remains there, patiently growing into something greater than it was. All without calling attention to itself.

When a tree falls in the forest, it makes a huge noise. You know something happened because of the sound and the destruction that lays in the tree’s wake.

In our modern world, we need to remember that creation is silent because there is so much noise around us. We are drowning in it. Think about people you know who are always telling everyone and anyone how great things are in their life. Or how people’s curated lives on Instagram or Facebook looks amazing. They are broadcasting themselves or showing their highlight reel and many times it’s not even an accurate reflection of reality.

When you are trying to create something, whether it’s a business or you are trying to improve yourself, know that like the seed, your progress might not be readily visible for the whole world to see. And that is totally okay. It doesn’t matter what others see, what matters is what you see and what you know. Like the seed in the soil, there might not be evidence of your growth. But if you were to peer underneath the surface, in silence, a whole new world is emerging. 

Continue ReadingCreation is silent, destruction is loud.

Be careful who you vent to. A listening ear is also a running mouth.

  • Post author:

According to a study of more than 170,000 people published at the Psychology Bulletin in 2013, the average adult’s network of friends and colleagues have shrunk over the past 3 decades. Countless recent studies have shown that we are lonelier now, than ever before, since the birth of social media – a medium that in theory should make us feel more connected to others.

I know that for me, when I have been lonely, I’ve made the mistake of connecting with other people out of desperation. And many times, the people I selected to open to, were not trustworthy. Looking back, I was so desperate to feel seen and heard, that I missed the warning signs that were there that told me that this person was not someone I should confide in.

We have all gone through periods of extreme loneliness, and I can tell you that for me personally, there have been times when I have felt overwhelmed by it. It can feel depressing and you can feel like you are the only one experiencing it. But I promise you that you are not alone.

Let’s take a look at how we can overcome feelings of loneliness, and traits of good, core friends that we can turn to for support.

Here are some tips I found helpful for overcoming my own feelings of loneliness:

1. Identify why you are feeling lonely.

There is a difference between feeling lonely and being isolated. Do you feel lonely because you are in the wrong relationships and you don’t feel like people get you? Have you isolated yourself from people and feel disconnected from the world? What do you wish you had in your life right now that would make you feel more connected to the world and to others? How do you want to connect to the world? What are the things that are important to you and bring you joy?

The answers to these questions can help you identify the root cause of what is creating loneliness and it can help you navigate to a path of connection.

2. Put yourself out there. Even when you don’t feel like it.

I can’t stress this point enough. Even if you don’t feel like putting yourself out there, do it anyway. Don’t wait until you feel okay about it. There are tons of ways to meet new people and make connections. Take a class you are interested in, volunteer for a cause you feel passionate about, join a meetup group for something that is interesting to you. Join a book club or support group. Go on a random adventure or plan one. 

The point is, start experiencing things. If you end up doing something that doesn’t really resonate with you, that’s okay, you’ve learned something about yourself.

3. Start a gratitude journal.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own feelings of loneliness that we forget to think about all the things that we do have to be grateful for. It’s amazing how we can shift our mindset and mood when we start to focus on the things that we do have.

4.  Stop spending a lot of time on social media.

Understand that most of what you see out there, are people’s highlight reels. It’s all curated and people are posting about unpleasant things they may be going through. I look back at my own posts and things seem so great in the pictures, but in reality, I was miserable. Don’t allow yourself to focus too much on what others are posting.

Here are some traits to look for when building a close circle of friends you can turn to for support. Select friends who:

  • Have similar values and/or goals.
  • Are positive reinforcers for you and who can bring balance where you are weaker.
  • Will celebrate your successes with you and are excited about your journey.
  • Challenge you to grow and think outside the box.
  • Validate you and your experiences.
  • Have shown through their actions that they are trustworthy and that they value the trust you place in them.
  • Are honest and dependable.
  • Have integrity in their own life and expect that from others, too

Obviously, you want to be a friend with those desirable traits, too.

Take a look at times when you may have vented to someone who betrayed your confidence. Did you tell this person because you were feeling lonely and needed to get it off your chest? Did you tell someone who had really earned your trust?

Video for Be careful who you vent to. A listening ear is also a running mouth.

Continue ReadingBe careful who you vent to. A listening ear is also a running mouth.

He that lies down with dogs will get up with fleas.

  • Post author:

It has been said time and time again that we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. The company we keep reflects something about us. If we hang out with questionable characters, even if we choose not to partake in certain frowned upon activities, people may deem us guilty by association. Fair or unfair, it happens. And while I am a huge proponent of you do you, don’t worry about what other people think, this brings up a question I have been asked before: How do you find “good” friends?

As social media has taken such prominence in our lives, many studies have shown that we are more connected than ever, yet we feel more alone than we have ever felt. We have tons of “friends” on social media, but we have lost real, meaningful connections with others.

When we are younger and are in school, we can form friendships easier. But as a young adult, how can you meet new people to develop great, meaningful friendships? Here are some ideas:

1.) Join a Meet Up group in your area or take a class. Having a hobby in common is a great place to meet new people that you can learn with and have fun doing something you enjoy. Maybe that’s a writing class or photography meet up.

2.) Volunteer your time to a cause you feel passionate about. Again, this is a great place where you already share a commonality and passion.

3.) Use social media to reconnect with old friends. Instead of keeping your conversations just on social media, make a coffee date and actually get together.

4.) Download a friend-making app. Apps like Bumble BFF, Hey! VINA and Atleto are places you can start to find local people who share similar interests.

Most importantly, put yourself out there! You won’t find a good tribe if you don’t put yourself out there. 

Continue ReadingHe that lies down with dogs will get up with fleas.

Ambition has no rest.

  • Post author:

Ambition can be a fickle thing.

The desire and will to succeed is an admirable virtue. How many stories have we heard about of musicians, actors or people born into poverty? But they worked hard, maybe had a little bit of luck along the way. Perhaps they gave up everything they had to pursue their craft and never gave up until they made it. As a culture, we love those stories of struggle and determination. It reflects our human spirit. And without ambition we wouldn’t have the world that we have today.

But what if I told you that ambition is living for the future? And that the future you are living for today may or may not come? Only you can decide if that is the path that you want to take, and if it is worth it to you. Maybe it is worth the sacrifice of the present, maybe it isn’t.

The dark side of ambition is that it can become all-consuming. When we come from of a place of needing or wanting more, and we aren’t enjoying the journey to success, we come from a place of lack. Having a sense of lack can be motivating or can make you miserable. There is a fine line.

What does ambition mean to you?

Continue ReadingAmbition has no rest.

Get Outside – Go for a Drive

  • Post author:

Some of us are slowly venturing out and traveling for the first time since lockdown. As much as an introvert and homebody I am, months ago, just get outside and going for a drive lifted my mood. Like they say, sometimes the best therapy is driving around listening to music.

My husband and I love to go road tripping. It’s been well over a year since we’ve been on an adventure and boy do we miss it! One thing I found that resets my mind and reminds me of why I’m focused on my goals is taking a drive, or watching videos from our past trips.

We recently started a new Channel on YouTube, called Thriving by Driving – Mindset Made Better by the Mile. As I was going through old video footage, I found this amazing drive we did through Zion National Park the last time we were out there. And for whatever reason, seeing that drive totally energizes me, resets my mindset and instantly reminds me of my why. Such as why am I working all these side hustles and trying to improve myself on every level? The reason is, I want to experience the greatness of our world and learn all I can. And I want to share our adventures with you!

So sometimes practicing self-care is getting into your car, taking a drive and listening to music. Or it can be a virtual ride. Spend some time on YouTube searching for places you’d like to visit someday. Get inspired and excited about what is to come.

There’s always room for you on our adventures, too! Check out our drive here:

Continue ReadingGet Outside – Go for a Drive

Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.

  • Post author:

Shakespeare said that “expectation is the root of all heartache.” Things in life have the meaning that we attach to it. And often times, we have some kind of idea or outcome that we want to see happen in our relationships. What messes us up and makes us unhappy are the expectations that we put on ourselves, others and outcomes.

What does it mean to have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing? It all starts with you and your own beliefs in your ability to be okay no matter what happens. It’s confidence that the Universe is unfolding as it should and that each situation that you are faced with is an opportunity to grow from. Therefore, it is actually a benefit to you to be open to everything and not attach yourself to anything.

Let’s take a look at ways you can begin to embrace this concept.

1.)  Embrace change and see the experience as something that will help you along your journey. Maybe the change that is happening is something you don’t like at all. Instead of dwelling on it and thinking about the negative, think about it as a data point. Maybe this data point has helped you understand yourself more or what you do and do not like.

2.)  Reframe how you see what is happening in your life. Tony Robbins says, “What if everything in your life, including the most painful and traumatic events, was happening for you, not to you?” If everything is happening to you, it can feel powerless. But if everything is happening for you, it is an opportunity for better understanding and growth. It is a more empowering mindset.

3.) Understand why you are attached to the outcome. Sometimes our own insecurities are hidden in our desired outcomes for a situation. For example, if I am feeling insecure about my relationship with my significant other and I want him to do something (the outcome) that will soothe my insecurity, I have just made myself dependent on something external for me to feel better about myself. That’s not good for me and it isn’t good for my relationship because it isn’t his job to “make me” feel secure about myself. By understanding your real motives, you can begin to unpack what is really driving the desire for a specific outcome and you can focus on addressing the issue within yourself.  

4.) Build a good support system. When life doesn’t go as expected, having a strong support system can make all the difference. Having people you can support during times of crisis and who can be there to help you through your own crisis can help with acceptance of what is happening. And when you have that acceptance, you can grow from it.

5.) Be gentle with yourself. Letting go of beliefs of how things should be is not easy. Trusting that you will be okay no matter what happens is easier said than done at times. Make sure you are kind to yourself through the process and practice self-care.

6.) Get excited. When you open yourself up to everything, something magical happens. It’s like the Universe knows you are ready to experience something positive. How many times have you heard someone say that if they hadn’t taken a small step out of their comfort zone, something big would have never happened? By opening yourself to everything, anything is possible. 

Here’s my challenge for you. What if you decided that just as a little test, for the next five days you are going to have zero expectations and be open to the world and all its possibilities with every single person you encounter? Would your loved ones feel more accepted by you? Would you be happier with how you are expressing love and support to those around you? 

Continue ReadingHave a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.

The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg.

  • Post author:

It’s all about what you are made of, not your circumstances. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Most of the time we can’t control the hand that we are dealt, but we can choose how we play the game.

Here are three ways we can change our mindset so we can withstand life’s curveballs.

1.) Believe that “you got this” and that you can overcome anything. I’ve heard people say, “fake it until you make it”, and it is true. When we act as though we are in control and that we can handle things, eventually we get to a place where we actually believe it.

2.) Welcome struggle and adversity. Struggle and adversity shape your character. It allows you to build confidence in yourself and grow. Instead of seeing these as hurdles, see them as allies in your personal journey.

3.) Ask for help when you need it. I know, this is hard. I hate asking for help. I convince myself I don’t really need it and I’m being ridiculous by asking for it. But we all need help sometimes. And sometimes that looks like having a friend you can vent to. Life can be hard and unburdening yourself and sharing the load can help you refocus so you can start building an effective solution. 

Continue ReadingThe same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg.