Every time you judge someone, you reveal a part of yourself that needs healing.

We tend to judge people as a means of making sense of why people do the things that they do. Our brains make snap judgments, so we can clear the confusion we have and move onto the next thing.

When we judge someone, we tend to make a blanket judgment about who their character is, based on only a snapshot of their behavior. Say I called a customer service line because I had a problem with an order and the person who answered was unhelpful, rude and downright nasty. I can walk away from that call and think, “wow, she is an incredibly rotten, miserable person.” Is that really a fair judgment for me to make after speaking to this person for two minutes? What right do I have to deem this person any way after only interacting with her for two minutes?

Let’s be honest. It’s easy for us to make snap judgments about other people. If we are focused on tearing someone else down, we don’t have to look at ourselves. But I can promise you that if you are the kind of person who tears other people down, it will catch up to you. People who constantly judge others are avoiding the judgment they really feel towards themselves.

If you find yourself getting a little “judgy” with others, start looking at it from more of a situational perspective. Observe someone’s behavior and get curious about what might be causing them to behave that way. Don’t make an assumption about who they are.

For example, say I walk by my colleague in the morning and say hello, and she doesn’t respond. If I was in judgy mode, I could make the assumption that she is rude or doesn’t like me. Or I can look at it and be like, “Maybe she didn’t hear me, or her mind was on something else.” It’s actually more likely that she didn’t hear me, or she was preoccupied with other thoughts. Or she could have had her earbuds in and literally didn’t hear me. Who knows?

When you focus on trying to make sense of someone and why they did what they did, challenge yourself to look more at the situation and their motivations. Get curious about it instead of just making an assumption. Give people the benefit of the doubt.