I love being the person that others feel comfortable going to for advice or help. Seeing others happy, makes me happy. And I am a peacemaker. I am the girl version of Michael Bluth (Arrested Development reference) in my family. But in all seriousness, I recognize that focusing too much on other people’s happiness can be problematic for me because I will over give, without even realizing it.
When we focus too much of our time on other people’s happiness, their priorities and meeting their needs, we fall short of doing those things for ourselves. And as the saying goes, one cannot serve from an empty vessel.
The problem with being the person who keeps everyone happy is that because we are such amazing givers, we have a really hard time with allowing others to give to us. When people ask us how we are doing, we always respond that we are great, even if we aren’t. When we are feeling overwhelmed or anxious, we stuff it down and smile so we aren’t an inconvenience to others. We worry that asking for anything makes us a burden. And we end up going through things alone, when we really don’t have to. It’s just what we know and where we feel comfortable – even though it sucks.
It is okay to not be okay all of the time. And you deserve to be supported. You don’t have to go it alone.
There are two things we need to do to free us from feelings of loneliness.
1.) We need to care for ourselves the way we care for others. We can still make others happy, but we also need to focus our energy and efforts on the things that make us feel happy, too. We need to prioritize meeting our own needs.
2.) Take the chance and lean on someone else. Just do it, even if it is with something small. I have found that when I can honestly say what is really on my mind when asked how I am doing; the support is there. I often fear that it won’t be, but it is there. And just after saying it out loud to someone else, I feel a little better. Many times, I leave the conversation feeling less alone because that person can relate to how I am feeling.
Your turn…Are you keeping everyone else happy? Are you happy? Do you feel like you’re going through this all alone?
