While this quote might feel a bit harsh to read, there is truth to it. When we fall into the habit of complaining about a situation, we inevitability make ourselves a victim. By just complaining about it and not doing anything to change it, we become powerless. We give away our own power to someone or something else.
Let’s take a look at what the word victim means. A victim is defined as “a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, killed, cheated, or fooled by someone else, or harmed by an unpleasant event.”
While we all experience injuries like these throughout life, what matters most is how you respond to it. If you have a victim mentality, you may feel like your always being victimized, no matter what the circumstances are. You may often feel like there is some kind of injustice happening to you when there really isn’t.
The truth is, martyrdom is like crack – highly addictive and very destructive. It is really easy for all of us to fall into that kind of mindset. Why? Because as humans, when tend to default what we don’t have, and that was kind of engrained in us as kids. If Sammy had a cool toy and we didn’t, we felt a lack. As adults it may present itself as us throwing pity parties for ourselves, feeling like life isn’t fair (in fairness, life isn’t fair, but you just have to roll with it) and have a woe is me mindset.
And honestly, it is okay to cry about things and feel overwhelmed at times. But you start treading dangerous waters when you stay in that state.
Signs You Have a Victim Mindset and How to Overcome It
You may not even realize that you have developed a victim mindset. Below are some tell-tale signs of this kind of ineffective mindset. You may feel:
All Your Problems are Catastrophic
You may catastrophize all your problems, believing that it is the end of the world. You may feel like there really isn’t a solution to your problems and you are just stuck having to deal with them.
By believing the worst possible outcome, you teach your brain to look for the worst in every situation. And because you are looking for the worst in everything, the Universe as a funny way of delivering just what you are focused on.
When you find yourself catastrophizing, slow things down and fact check. Are you jumping to conclusions? Is what you are saying really true or is it based on an emotion like fear?
Powerless
Whenever we allow something that someone did or the way an event unfolded to control us, we give away our own power. People who feel like victims are very aware of how vulnerable they are.
They may even engage in self-sabotage to try to control an outcome, so they aren’t disappointed. They experience a feeling that Brené Brown calls “deep foreboding.” These feelings just feed into that feeling of powerlessness.
If you find yourself overwhelmed with feelings of powerlessness, remember all that you have gotten through and survived. Redirect your focus from outward and look inward. Trust yourself. You have survived a lot and you will survive whatever is coming.
Negative Self-Talk
When you feel like a victim, you tend to tell yourself things that confirm the belief that you are a victim. It can show up as self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. Like I said about feelings of powerlessness, this kind of negative self-talk can cause you to sabotage yourself, which even further confirms the negative beliefs you have about yourself. It becomes quite the vicious circle.
Try to be compassionate with yourself, like you would be to someone you love. Challenge the destructive beliefs you have about yourself. You also deserve the kindness and love that you give to others.
You Feel Bitter
People who feel like a victim, tend to hold onto bitterness and anger – even from things that happened years ago!
If you find yourself replaying things from your past that you cannot change, challenge yourself by asking what you are getting by holding onto these negative emotions. Forgive those who have harmed you, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.
While you may not be able to control all of what life throws at you, you are in control of how you respond to it. And that is where your power truly lies. Remember, whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.
