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How they treat you is how they feel about you.

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Actions speak louder than words. People can say all the right things, but at the end of the day, how they choose to treat someone else through their actions says it all. I am a big believer in observing people and what they do, rather than what they say – or what they say they are going to do. I like to look for patterns of consistency with what they say and how they act.

Hopefully you have relationships where how people say they feel about you is consistent with how they treat you. But many of us struggle with this in our relationships.

I touched on the beliefs I used to have about myself in a previous post. I’ve listed them again below:

  • I give people the benefit of the doubt too much or too many second chances.
  • I worry about offending my partner if I stand up for myself.
  • I have a hard time recognizing when I am being disrespected. Sometimes it takes someone else pointing it out to me.
  • When someone hurts me, instead of setting a boundary with them, I feel like I need to prove my worthiness and why they should value me more.
  • When someone hurts me, I need them validate me and my feelings by admitting that they were wrong or disrespectful.
  • I don’t even know what respect feels like in a relationship.
  • I feel guilty when setting boundaries and worry that I am being unfair. Sometimes I even convince myself that by setting the boundary, I am overreacting.
  • I would rather put up with shitty treatment than be alone.   

It’s important for us to examine the beliefs we hold about ourselves and what we deserve. If you hold any of these beliefs above, start challenging them. If a friend believed these things about himself/herself, what you say to them? I’m sure you would tell them that they are worthy of being treated with love and respect…And you do, too.

Take a look at your close relationships…Do you find that those people are consistent in their actions with how they say they feel about you?

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