Southern Utah is home to Zion National Park. Within the boundaries of Zion is a well-known hike called Angels Landing. Many YouTubers have documented their visits to the top of the peak. That’s how I first discovered this amazing place.

The summit is a place of intense beauty. Atop Angels Landing, hikers delight in the view of the canyon below. And Zion is a stunning park.

But make no mistake, this hike is not for the faint of heart. Over the two and a half miles from trailhead to summit, hikers gain nearly 1500 feet of elevation.

Further, the trail has a series of switchbacks. This stretch punishes hikers. Each step creates a little more strain on their legs. And at this top of the switchbacks, there is still more to go.

This next section is the scary part. The trail grows narrow. On both sides are sheer drops. It’s thousands of feet down to the canyon floor. People clutch the chains as they put one foot in front of another.

Once beyond this stretch the final ascent is a little less terrifying.

I grew fascinated watching people make this climb. Many of them confessed their fears of heights. They struggled with the chains. Exhaustion wore them down. But at the summit, it was all worth it.

Watching their stories, I learned several things about myself.

Many people live life in a rush. They hurry along to get the next best thing. That view of the world always faces forward. In many ways it is a kind of tunnel vision. That hurry blinds us to many valuable things.

It is like the feeling the climbers had at the summit. When you reach a mountain peak, it feels fantastic! This is the moment of achievement. But the time atop the mountain is short. We often forget the work we did to reach such heights.

Angels Landing pushes people to their limit. In making the climb, hikers overcome self-doubt.  They gain strength even when they felt weak. The victory was not at the pinnacle. These hikers won by facing all the fears, doubts, and challenges along the way.

That truth applies to you and me, as well. Facing challenges brings us authentic happiness. These hurdles teach us about our character. Likewise, they show us how resourceful we are. More than that, we discover what holds us back.

Every hiker on that trail wants to turn back at some point. Many of them do. But the ones that persevere chose to ignore their doubt. They silenced their fears. Inside themselves they found a strength they did not know they had.

You see, we are stronger than we think. And what holds us back is completely under our control. And when we confront our uncertainty, we level up. We realize we can do it.

That’s why our joy is not from finding ourselves on top. It’s realizing we can get there that uplifts us.

Imagine you were just transported to the top of the mountain. Would that feel like a success? No, because you didn’t work for it. That’s the lesson we need to embrace. Our happiness comes from overcoming difficulty.

When you feel adversity, remember the struggle. Don’t think about the moment of triumph. Think about the hard work you put in to get there.

We have enormous capacity for change. I love watching transformation stories. They inspire me as I see someone who acted. There is a common theme in so many of them.

It goes back to something Tony Robbins says. “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”

It’s a powerful quote. If you’re like me, you’re thinking of a situation where you felt that way. Those people from the transformation stories felt that way too. What’s more remarkable is how many facets of life this quote applies to.

Romantic Relationships

Millions of people are currently in unhappy relationships. Often this is because they’re afraid of the unknown. They know what they have. And on some level, they have accepted it. They cannot conceive what life would be like if it’s gone. For them, the pain of change is too great.

As humans, we love to be comfortable and are happy with familiarity. But this causes us to stay inside our comfort zones even when it’s hurting us. And as you know, we don’t grow at all in our comfort zones.

I have a friend who stayed too long in an unhealthy relationship. She met a man who swept her off her feet. She moved more than a thousand miles to be with him. But he was too controlling. And his negativity dulled this vibrant woman.

For years, the pain of change overwhelmed the pain of staying. Until one day it all changed. He had been travelling for a business trip. And when he returned, she had moved out. She saw a chance for a better life. And the idea of spending more time in a place where she was miserable was scarier to her than leaving was.

Personal Growth

My friend’s story is hardly unique. But I want to touch on our own individual struggles.

We often need to feel some trauma to prompt us to change. Sometimes that occurs within a relationship. However, relationships can distract us from our own issues. And they too make it harder for us to change.

What we need in that moment is clarity. People set up buffers that shield them from pain. However, that pain is what enables us to grow. More importantly, it enables us to create our best self.

There is an old story that illustrates this point. It may even be true. An old violin maker made the most prized instruments of his age. Customers sought him out due to the soulful tones his violins produced. He took on an apprentice who worked for many years in the shop. But the old master was the one who harvested the wood.

The apprentice tried his hand at building a comparable instrument. But he could never perfect the sound. Something was wrong with the wood. And so one day, he secretly followed the old master. The younger man watched as his teacher selected wood from the most gnarled trees. Wind and cold had twisted the boughs.

They looked ugly. But these trees were the secret. The young man could feel the difference just from touch. And when he crafted the violin, it produced that beautiful sound.

We grow when we face our pain. Like these trees, our best self is built on our hardships. That’s why this quote resonates with me. The trees cannot move on, but we can. And we should.

In Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, a young Anakin Skywalker reveals to Yoda that he fears losing his mother.  Yoda tells him, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda then concludes that he senses much fear in Anakin.

Fear causes us to want to avoid, which leads to us to feeling less emotionally resilient. It can drain our attention, leaving us feeling guarded in other areas.

Fear can easily trigger anger. For example, say you are running late to work, and you are rushing to get there. A car cuts you off while you’re driving, and you lose it. You even surprise yourself at the level of road rage you have. Another example would be if you are worried about finances and fear not being able to pay all your bills that month. Your spouse comes home, having purchased a $5 plant and you get angry with them for overspending because they aren’t being frugal enough.

While fear can leave us feeling vulnerable, anger, on the other hand, can make us feel like we are more in control of our situation. It may even feel energizing.

Hate is a natural outgrowth of feeling fear, anger, or a sense of injury for a period of time. And when our hearts are filled with hate, we suffer. And not just mentally. When we carry hate with us for a long time, our physical health suffers. Holding on to hate impacts the nervous system, immune system, and endocrine system. When we feel intense bouts of hate and rage, stress hormones are released in the brain. And over time, this can lead to all sorts of health issues.

In Season 5 of Breaking Bad, Walter gives Jesse advice on how they can move forward in the episode titled Blood Money. He tells Jesse, “You need to stop focusing on the darkness behind you. The past is the past. Nothing can change what we’ve done.” But Jesse is wary of Walter ‘s words and rightfully so.

The lesson we can learn from this quote is that we are not our mistakes. In a post earlier this year, I wrote about how mistakes are things that we have done, not who we are. Often times when we feel bad about our past, we have a hard time distinguishing the difference.

Good people can make some awful mistakes. Having made many bad mistakes, I can honestly say that I am glad I made them because it taught me a lot about myself and the world and led me to where I am today.

The scars you wear from your mistakes are evidence of how hard you have fought to save yourself. Be proud of all that you have learned and had to overcome.

What is rationalization? Rationalization is commonly described as a “socially acceptable explanation for an otherwise socially unacceptable act.”

According to Freud, rationalization is a defense mechanism. It’s a way to avoid addressing the underlying reasons for a behavior. For example, you might procrastinate on a project that is due tomorrow. When you rationalize it, you avoid dealing with the real reasons why you procrastinate – which in this case might be fear of failure. 

So why is rationalization ‘bad’? While rationalization is not harmful, it is a form of self-deception. It allows you to make excuses for bad behavior. It also strips you from your power because you end up becoming the victim of your life. 

How can you stop rationalizing? 

Stop making excuses 

If you do something wrong or make a mistake, rather than making excuses, own up to it. When you start to make excuses and create some explanation that sounds good, it not only lowers your credibility in front of others, but also towards yourself. You make something else the problem, which results in you taking away your own power. 

Take responsibility 

We are responsible for where we are today. We can blame other people, whether it is our parents, our bosses, our friends, or our dog, but at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own actions. 

If we aren’t happy about something in our lives, whether it is where we live or the relationship we are in, there is no use in trying to rationalize why we are stuck. Once we take responsibility, we can take back our control over our lives. 

Stop justifying 

Let’s say you are angry or upset. The more you harbor these negative feelings, the stronger they grow. So what’s the solution? To step out of these negative emotions and forgive. 

But, if you keep justifying that you have a right to be upset, you will continue to become angrier. 

This is why angry people continue to explain and elaborate on the reasons for their negative feelings. Instead, if you accept a situation and move on, you can clear your mind, calm down and release negative emotions. Then you can do something to actually change the situation. 

For example, let’s say your boss fired you. If you get angry and constantly talk about it, rationalizing why you are angry and why you will disgrace the company on social media, you just increase those negative feelings. 

But if you accept the situation and stop analyzing it and justifying your anger, you will feel calm much faster, your feelings of anger will dissipate, and then you can focus your attention and energy on finding a new (and possibly better) job!

Remember, rationalization can be a helpful way of coping with difficulties, but if we constantly rationalize, it can also keep us stuck in our lives. When we rationalize our mistakes, negative emotions, or negative situations, we remove the possibility of growth. By rationalizing, we give a reason to why we are stuck and why we cannot change. If you want to grow, it’s important to stop rationalizing and start taking responsibility.

Most of us have been taught that it’s best to be prepared for the worst possible scenario, which makes sense. However, dwelling too much on all the terrible things that could possibly happen can have a detrimental effect on your overall mood and mindset.

Fear has a way of creeping into your mind and taking over, so that everything begins to look and feel like a threat. You start worrying and obsessing about whether this awful thing might happen, or that scary thing might come to pass. While it’s true that these unpleasant scenarios are always a possibility, there are also plenty of positive things that could happen. Afterall, it is said that 99% of the things we fear never happen. By focusing too much on the negative what-ifs, you actually end up investing your energy into them, so that they become more likely to show up in your life.

Does that mean that you should never worry about potential threats, nor take steps to be prepared for them? Not at all. Denial only strengthens feelings of fear and helplessness, while a more balanced perspective will encourage feelings of security and confidence.

It is wise to think ahead about potential challenges and take steps to safeguard the well-being of yourself, your loved ones, your home and belongings. But once your preparations are complete and you have done all you can to be ready, continuing to dwell on the scary possibilities will only keep you feeling fearful and powerless.

Instead, make a deliberate effort to pivot your thoughts to focus more on the positive possibilities, and the good that already exists in your life. Look around and feel a sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything that’s wonderful about your life right now. Recognize just how blessed you truly are. No matter how big your challenges might be, you probably still have many more blessings and good things in your life than the negative stuff. Keep reminding yourself of that and allow yourself to feel genuinely grateful for it.

Also try to keep a sense of healthy optimism about the future. Optimism isn’t about denying that there are potential threats out there, but rather it’s a deliberate choice to focus on the good and expect the best, rather than fearing the worst. Say often, “Good things are coming my way. This situation can still lead to something better.” You may not always fully believe that in the moment, but simply by practicing the thought consistently, you are investing your energy and intention into those positive possibilities.

Finally, keep building an inner foundation of trust. Trust in the goodness of life, trust in a loving universe, and trust in your own capabilities. Remind yourself that no matter what, you have the strength and resilience to handle any challenges that could potentially come your way.

Rather than living in a state of constant fear about the possible storms in life, you will enjoy a sense of confidence that you are as ready as you can be for whatever might happen next. You will be fully attuned to the goodness that is already all around you, and the never-ending stream of goodness that is always flowing to you, if you will just trust and stay open to receive it.

In the movie Creed, Rocky tells Adonis Creed to get into his stance and look into the mirror. He says, “You see this guy staring back at you? That’s your toughest opponent.” Rocky goes on to say that he believes that both inside the ring and in life.

Don’t ever waste your time comparing yourself to other people. The only person you should ever be in competition with his who you were yesterday.

If you find yourself focusing on what you don’t have or what you haven’t achieved yet, remember that a wise man does not grieve the things he has not, but rejoices for those that he has.

If you feel discouraged because you feel like you’re taking steps backwards, think of yourself as a slingshot. What might feel like steps backwards may just be the steps needed to catapult you forward to something greater. Stay focused on your own journey and don’t give up.

Can you remember the last time you got angry and it felt good?

You probably can’t, right?

This is because anger is inherently a negative feeling, and while it may be directed towards someone or something else, the one person it harms is you. And that is because we tend to hold onto anger for too long.

Now anger isn’t necessarily “bad”. It is an emotion that can also be healthy. For me, anger can motivate me to make positive changes in my life. Sometimes finally getting mad at being mistreated by someone can be just the emotion to catapult you into raising your standards of how you expect to be treated.

The problem with anger arises when we hold onto feelings of anger and resentment because we want the other person to feel bad or even suffer. We want justice, because what the other person did is simply not okay. While that is a valid sentiment, at the end of the day, anger hurts us the most, not the other person. In fact, sometimes the other person could care less, while you suffer in your boiling rage.

Why is holding onto anger so bad for us?

It Snatches Away Your Peace

Holding onto resentment causes agitation and takes away your peace. We might think we are “winning” by holding onto a grudge, but all we end up doing is filling our head space with negativity and robbing ourselves of peace. As we stay angry, we fill ourselves with bitterness that not only weighs us down but causes tension and stress.

Holding the Grudge Intensifies the Negativity

When you hold onto a grudge or constantly think about how someone hurt you, it just amplifies the feeling. In fact, studies show that the inability to forgive negatively affects one’s well-being. Additionally, when couples hold on to anger and resentment, their negative feelings only intensify and separation becomes more likely.

For example, maybe something your partner does really irritates you. Accepting it can be hard, but once you do, you won’t feel so angry anymore.

On the other hand, imagine you talk about it to your girlfriends. As you describe the situation, the anger flares up once again in you, and just makes you feel even angrier. You relive the unpleasant situation again. But does it help solve the problem? Probably not. Does it help you feel any better? Nope.

So what’s the use? Let go of the grudge and prevent it from growing in intensity.

It Affects Your Physical Health

Anger not only affects our mental state, but holding onto anger also has an impact on our physical health. Anger creates tension in our bodies, increasing the stress hormone cortisol, disabling our body’s repair mechanism, reducing our immunity, and increasing inflammation. It can literally be poison to our bodies. 

Your Anger Doesn’t Affect Them

Not only does anger harm you, but it also has no impact on the other person. The bitterness you carry that weighs you down, agitates you, and affects your mental and physical health often doesn’t even affect the other person. So, what’s the use of harming yourself?

Remember, anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than on to anything on which it is poured. It harms only you. The next time someone makes you angry, choose to forgive them. Even if they were the ones who committed the wrongdoing. Don’t punish yourself for what someone chose to do. 

Make peace with the situation and try to move on. Not because they deserve it. But because you do. And remember that forgiveness does not mean that you are okay with someone hurting you. Forgiveness means letting go of negative feelings. You can forgive and also choose to protect yourself from the hurtful person or situation. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to stay in situations that aren’t good for you.