In the show Arrested Development, G.O.B. Bluth is often seen uttering the words, “I’ve made a huge mistake.” We also see other characters saying it from time to time.

G.O.B. has the propensity of finding himself in all sorts of situations that lead him to the conclusion that he made a mistake.

While his misfortunes are funny and are played for laughs, there is a lot we can learn from G.O.B.

What are mistakes, really? If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you likely already know what I am going to say. Mistakes and failures are merely experience. That’s it. It isn’t a statement about who we are. A mistake is an action and something we have done. It provides invaluable experience to us, as we learn more from our mistakes than our successes.

Remember, making mistakes along your journey is not failure. Failure is refusing to get up. When you make a mistake, make the decision that you aren’t going to let it discourage you. You’re going to get right back up and you’re going to keep trying.

Mistakes people have made along their way to success is part of their journey. All their failures and mistakes taught them what not to do to achieve success. These events helped propel them to greatness. In a post, talked about how well some people we all know have risen after falling down. You can read it here.

We often spend a great deal of time on positivity and keeping our mindsets in a good and peaceful place. And no matter how hard we try; negativity sometimes creeps in and gives us a run for our money. Whether it’s from someone we know or someone we don’t, it can be tough to drown out the negative chatter and stay focused on our mission.

The best way to combat the not-so-positive counterparts is this: “Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” While that may be easier said than done, it’s worth exploring some ways you can stay focused on your path when faced with negativity and criticism from others.

1. Understand if what you are hearing is negativity or constructive criticism. The first thing to consider is whether the negativity you’re experiencing is intentional or constructive criticism. The difference between the two lies in delivery and intention. However, sometimes words can hurt regardless of intent.

It’s usually apparent when someone acts maliciously towards another. But, sometimes, our sensitivities make us feel disheartened when a person is trying to give sound advice.

Think about what the person is saying. Then, accept it and apply where necessary if you think it’s something that furthers your growth. And if it’s not something worthwhile, simply dismiss and move on to better things.

2. Detach yourself. Being emotionally attached to the negative energies that surround you can be draining. That’s why detaching can help alleviate stress and allow you to relax. In addition, doing this can get you away from drama and unnecessary situations that promote a pessimistic outcome.

If you’re experiencing negativity from an outside source in your life, it can be hard to keep yourself grounded. During these times, detaching emotionally and physically can provide some assistance in staying focused. Here are some tips for detachment.

• Construct boundaries and enforce them
• Communicate your intentions
• Practice meditation
• Find a quiet place to relax
• Do a social media cleanse

3. Look for the positive. Looking for the positive while in a negative situation might seem difficult. Negativity tends to consume, and reactions and emotions often run amuck until a calmer state is reached. So, understandably, finding the light is easier said than done in some situations.

For example, a young man had a rough childhood because his parents weren’t there for him as a kid. And when they were in the picture, it was always messy, and challenging situations often arose.

When he got older, he decided to go to therapy, and the first thing he told the doctor was that he could be angry at times. He could walk around living his life being mad at everyone who had nothing to do with his upbringing. However, he decided that this wasn’t the path he should follow, as it sounded exactly like what his parents had done with him.

Wise beyond his years, he concluded that he respected his parents for one reason alone: They collectively taught him who he shouldn’t become as an adult.

Not everyone has this same story to tell, but because he changed his perspective, he changed his life, and it’s entirely possible for anyone to flip the script.

4. Read between the lines. Sometimes, people are mysterious, and they tell us who they are without knowing what they’re doing. For example, an “I hate you” from the mouth of your teenager translates into “I’m mad” or “my feelings are hurt.” And it’s often the same for adults.

So, it makes sense when you’re faced with a nay-sayer to stop and pay attention to the context- even if you don’t know them. Their negative attitude and criticism may be based on something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. And reading between the lines can bring you peace in an otherwise toxic situation.

5. Let it go. Let all the negativity roll off your shoulders like raindrops. Not only will you find peace in toxic situations, but it can be incredibly liberating to cut off ties to things that weigh you down.

Our brains like to hold onto things that have no use in our daily lives. So, while this is the most crucial step, it’s also the most difficult. And if you’re wondering how to begin this step, here are some things to try.

• Keep a journal
• Keep self-care on the top of your list
• Find a way to get closure
• Practice mindfulness

Remember, inner peace is difficult to achieve. And when negative energies come through and try to wreck the peaceful village you’ve built, it’s upsetting. But here’s the kicker. You can’t control the negative from outside sources any better than you can control the weather. However, putting things into place like detachment and finding the positives can help deflect from straying from your path.

In Breaking Bad, while talking to Walt, Saul explains how if you are committed enough, you can make any story work. He then says, “I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.”

I’ve written extensively about how what we believe, both consciously and subconsciously, deeply influences us. There is a lot of truth in what Saul says. If you convince yourself of something, you will believe it. Even if it isn’t true.

This got me thinking back to a new story I read early last year. This 9-year-old boy from Brazil, boarded an airplane alone without a ticket or going through security. He travelled over 1,500 miles across the country before anyone noticed. How did this happen?

After googling “how to get on a plane unnoticed”, the boy snuck out of his house and headed to the airport. Where was he going? Turns out he wasn’t running away. He just really wanted to visit family living in another part of the country.

You can read the story in full here.

What can we learn from this?

1. There is no real security at the airport (only Zuul). But we knew it was just theater, precious. Yes, yes, yes!

And

2. This kid believed it was possible to do this, so he did. He googled it and gave it a shot. And it worked.

He wasn’t accompanied by anyone, didn’t have a ticket and didn’t have any luggage, either. And no one asked any questions until this kid was on the other side of the country after he was reported missing by his family.

Not only did he believe he could pull it off, but all the people he encountered on his journey believed this unaccompanied 9-year-old was where he was supposed to be. Maybe they just didn’t want to believe he was travelling solo.

What I love about this story is that it highlights that children are more apt to believe that these things can be done, when most adults don’t. Children aren’t constrained by the same filters and reasoning that adult possess about why something won’t work.

And sometimes that is a good thing. But it can also prevent us from seeing incredible possibilities and opportunities simply because we don’t believe they are possible.

Sometimes it’s easy to become hyper-focused on making positive improvements in your life. You might be working on getting your next big degree or professional credentials, or maybe you’re tirelessly growing your fledgling business into the next great success story. Maybe you are constantly challenging your body to reach that next level of fitness, or you’re striving to achieve your next big goal that provides a rush of satisfaction and accomplishment.

It’s obviously a good thing to set goals and keep striving to improve in all areas of your life, but it’s also easy to fall into the trap of focusing so much on the outer conditions that you forget to work on the most important project, which is your own self-development.

Any successful person will tell you that it’s not just the actions you take and the results you achieve that create true success. It’s not about ticking off boxes and completing a massive to-do list, or even a so-called bucket list. Rather, success is defined by the caliber of person you become as you strive for better in your life.

Devoting some attention to not just doing better, but actively trying to be better will pay far greater dividends in the long run. Being better means developing yourself as a person, releasing limiting perceptions and building a rock-solid belief in your ability to achieve whatever you desire. Being better also includes consistently expanding your skill set and becoming more focused and efficient so that the actions you take will be more effective.

Developing your character and integrity is also a vital part of self-development, so that you are not pursing success for the sake of wealth and accolades alone, but rather you are committed to being a force for good in the world.

When you make your own development your most important project, you free yourself from the trappings of the self-serving ego. You begin to engage with others from a stance of love, compassion, and humility. You begin focusing more on ways that you can help other people be more successful, rather than just yourself. You start seeking opportunities to leave a lasting positive legacy in the world that will remain long after you are gone.

Interestingly, this selfless approach to achievement actually draws more success back to you as well, because you cannot help but attract that which you are. The more generous you are to others; the more life will give to you. The more you care about others, the more appreciated and supported you will feel as well. The more you strive to be the best person you can possibly be, success will be inevitably drawn to you in everything you do.

Making it your mission to keep developing yourself personally, professionally, intellectually, and spiritually will help you to see your goal-setting activities from a healthy new perspective. No longer will you believe that your outer conditions determine your success, but rather your inner state of success will enable you to affect far greater change in the world that benefits everyone, including yourself.

Most everyone has seen the movies where the main character is living their best life (or so they think), then catastrophe strikes, knocking them down from their podium. Like clockwork, they go through several different phases and set out on an eye-opening pilgrimage to turn the tide and try to get back to the life they once knew. However, in most cases, the universe has different plans. And because the universe is savvy, these characters are forced to learn lessons from their cataclysmic event that sets them on the path they’re meant to follow.

Much like these characters, we all suffer in some capacity. Whether it be a break-up, the loss of a loved one, or something more tragic. And we all cope differently. Some turn to unhealthy lifestyles, and others let themselves be consumed by their tragedies, never to recover. However, it may come as a surprise to know that suffering or hitting rock bottom can be a valuable learning experience – but only if you’re willing to accept the lessons. After all, sometimes, it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough.

Failure Is a Must

Failure often gets a bad rap, and the word holds negative connotations. But, if you change your view of failure to mean valuable experience, you’ll easily access the lessons you need to learn. Failure can be a powerful tool that can allow you to learn from mistakes and come back even stronger.

Although it can be a harsh blow to deal with at first and take a while to realize, you must understand this. Especially if you’re at rock-bottom, having a positive outlook on failure can save you from further despair.

Self-Awareness

Many people go through life without truly knowing themselves. And when you’re in a rock-bottom situation, all your emotions are amplified. So, you must pay attention to all of the emotions you’re feeling and try to figure out why you’re feeling them. Understanding yourself can give you new and different perspectives, and finding a deeper meaning to all of your nuances can help you start putting the puzzle pieces in their rightful spots.

This Is Not Permanent

Although suffering is a part of life, and it might feel like you’ll never climb out of a rough situation, understand that nothing is permanent. Sometimes, we need a little chaos to level up mentally, physically, and spiritually. As they say, chaos is either a pit or a ladder. However tragic the problem is, remember that there are positives even in the most chaotic situations. 

Don’t Rush Through Rock-Bottom

This might sound strange. And when you’re going through it, you’ve probably wished to be out of the woods more times than you can count. However, it’s critical to go through all the stages you need to take in the lessons you’re supposed to learn. You were built for great things and allowing yourself time to process is well-deserved.

Embrace Change

Adapting to change can be extremely taxing, and most people resist change because they’ve become comfortable. However, embracing change can help you get on your feet and try new things. It can help you develop different perspectives and reach goals you never thought possible. Sometimes, you have to take risks to see rewards, so welcome them with open arms when change comes your way.

Remember, life has many plot twists, and some of these twists can lead you to low points. However, these problematic blips are often monumental. But the lessons you can learn from it are endless and can catapult you into places you never thought possible. So, take the time to learn, and listen to yourself. Breakthroughs are never far behind from rock bottom.

It’s a painful fact of life that not everyone will understand or appreciate you for who you are. During these moments, you may be tempted to try to be more like others so you will fit in. But that’s not an effective long-term solution because it’s virtually impossible to make genuine connections with others while pretending to be someone you’re not. As a result, you end up feeling even more isolated and alone, no matter how many people are around you.

Feeling chronically misunderstood can even drag you down into a much darker place where you begin to question your own value as a human being. You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. You may ask yourself why you have to be so different, and why you can’t be more like everyone else. Maybe you even begin to feel ashamed about who you are, which can cause you to withdraw and feel even more lonely and isolated.

During times like these, it’s important to avoid internalizing the close-minded behavior of other people. The reality is, there is no way to know for sure what’s really going on in their minds. They might be laboring under stereotypical beliefs that lead them to make false assumptions about you. They might be unfairly grouping you in with other people that they dislike, for any number of unknown reasons. Or maybe they simply feel uncomfortable because they have never met anyone like you before.

Regardless of their reasons, it can help to do these three things whenever you feel misunderstood:

First, forgive the other people for misunderstanding you. It’s easy to feel hurt and angry when you have been rejected, especially if they have been blatantly unkind to you in the process. But remind yourself that their ignorance and close-mindedness is hurting them far more than it will ever hurt you. Accept the fact that not everyone will “get you,” or appreciate or like you. Let it be okay that you just won’t click with everyone. Even better, remind yourself that they are probably not the kind of people with whom you would want to forge a closer relationship, anyway.

Next, practice radical self-acceptance as much as you can. Don’t let anyone try to convince you that there is anything wrong with you, or that you are lacking in any way. Remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility to make other people feel comfortable. You don’t have the ability to change anyone’s perception of you, and you certainly shouldn’t have to change yourself to please them. Work on developing an unshakable, healthy love and acceptance for yourself, no matter what other people think about you.

Finally, seek and connect with people who will love and appreciate you. Look for people who share your quirky sense of humor, or your daring fashion sense, or your passion for obscure music and art. Join some groups or start your own. Visit places where your ideal friends would most likely gather and start making connections. Simply by daring to be authentic and open, you will attract many more people who will appreciate and love you for who you are.

In The Dark Knight, Harvey Dent says this quote while discussing Julius Caesar being appointed Consul of Rome. Caesar was only supposed to take power to protect the Republic for a short period time. Instead, he ended up not wanting to give up his power and didn’t until he was assassinated.

Dent goes on to say that whoever the Batman is, he doesn’t want to be the Batman forever. He is looking for someone to take up his mantle.

The moral of the story is that heroism isn’t eternal. As a vigilante, Batman may be perceived as a hero now, but it doesn’t mean he always will be. In theory, he has to die while he is the hero, or eventually he will become the villain in the public’s eye. And by the end of this movie, he is seen as a villain – even though he shouldn’t be.

Ironically, this quote foreshadows Dent’s downfall. He is Gotham’s District Attorney and a good one at that. He has done a lot to rid the city of corruption and violence. But as his journey unfolds in the movie, he is met with many misfortunes. These eventually lead to him becoming the villain, Two-Face. Even if you have the best intentions and are pure in your motivations, the path of the hero can lead you in the wrong direction. Things can happen along your journey that lead to unintended consequences.

I can be pretty stubborn. I’ve stayed in relationships much longer than I should have. I thought that the person would change (spoiler alert – this hardly ever happens!) and eventually we would be happy together.

As humans, we tend to accept the love we think we deserve. We may be dissatisfied in our relationship and intellectually know that we deserve better, yet we will stay in it. And the reason is because on some level, we are okay with receiving less than what we really deserve from our partner. We may even have rationalizations about it or seek to try to change the situation into what we want it to be.

But the truth is, when you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t. And this is really the key here. I was finally able to let go of chasing the wrong things when I changed how I felt about myself. It wasn’t the latest fight or mental injury my partner caused. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with how I was beginning to see myself.

Instead of engaging in the vicious cycle of trying to get him to see how valuable I was, my focus switched to how I really felt about the situation. You see, I am convinced that we tend to focus on our partner’s wrong doings and chasing affection as a buffer to protect ourselves from how we are really feeling. At least it has been this way for me.

When I started sitting with my own feelings and the loneliness I felt, I was able to objectively look at the reality of our relationship. It was clear that what I needed from my partner, I wasn’t getting. Yet I was showing up every day giving my best and constantly trying to improve the relationship. I was more invested in creating a deep bond and real intimacy than he was.

After spending time wondering why I was okay with this, I shifted to focusing on the one thing I knew I could control, which was myself. Instead of focusing on what I felt about my relationship, I started focusing on what I believed about myself. I also started focusing on building my self-worth and I took steps to improve my own life. I began exercising more, eating better and spending time with people who were supportive and uplifting. I started working on creative projects that I poured my heart and soul into, which brought me joy. In short, I stopped focusing so much of my time and energy on a relationship where I felt like I was doing most of the work.

When I made these changes for myself, the idea of trying to get him to see my value became unappealing. I didn’t want to spend my time engaging in fights about how I felt because it often ended with him telling me that my feelings weren’t fair, or that I’m the one not really plugged in, etc. It was a completely ineffective endeavor.  

He was also scared because he saw a change in me and how I was treating myself. And one day, I just decided to end it. There wasn’t a huge fight. I was rather calm and measured. I had just realized this wasn’t working for me anymore and it couldn’t be fixed. The fear of staying in a relationship where I felt so alone was greater than my fear of actually being alone.

In the end, I wasn’t mad that he couldn’t provide me with what I needed. We’re all different. And our needs and ways of connecting with others are different. And honestly, that is okay. If anything, I was more frustrated with myself for not valuing myself like I wished I had. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. But it was a good life lesson and one I am glad to have learned.