It sounds so simple doesn’t it? Yet it is so difficult to not replay our past or observe other people. When it comes to our past, there is a difference between looking back at fond memories and appreciating them and actually living in the past.

We see living in the past show up most in our relationships with others. Sometimes the past was so good we don’t want to leave that place. It’s familiar and it’s comfort for us. But sometimes staying there and seeing what once was is a way to avoid how things may be in the present.

What happens when we live in a past filled with regret, shame and pain? We tend to stay there, ruminating and re-thinking things. And because it has already happened, there is literally nothing we can do to change things. Naturally, because this is where our heads are, we tend to start behaving in our present coming from a place of regret, shame and pain. And it can become a vicious cycle and last for a long time.

By staying in the past, we avoid living in the present and ultimately being responsible for ourselves and what we do today. Today is all we have. Yesterday has happened and tomorrow is yet to come. Honestly ask yourself if living in the past has become a coping mechanism for avoiding responsibility in the present.

When it comes to observing others, social media has made not getting caught up in the observation of others near impossible. I often refer to social media as someone’s highlight reel. What you see is curated and manufactured content that doesn’t tell the whole story. Often times it doesn’t even tell the real story. But we spend so much time looking at snapshots of others, with very limited context and we torture ourselves by comparing our lives to theirs.

The only person you should ever compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. Only YOU can be you. You were born to stand out and be different. Nothing can compare to you. 

I wish I had heard this quote years ago as I was a teenager and thought my world was completely over. In reality I was just simply coming undone. I had faced some very real, difficult times and I didn’t understand that coming undone was part of the process of helping me grow into something greater.

It’s easy to get lost in our emotions when we are faced with challenges and difficulties. When we feel like there isn’t an end in sight to our suffering, it’s almost impossible to see what we are going through as “just part of the process”.  

Here are some things to remember when you feel yourself coming undone:

• Have patience with yourself and treat yourself with kindness. What you are going through right now is not easy.
• Struggle in our relationships doesn’t immediately mean that something is wrong. Struggle often happens when we are doing things right because we are breaking out of the norms to become better or have more meaningful relationships.
• There is an ebb and flow to everything in our life. Things come and go, just the tide comes and goes from the shore. Think about it. It’s funny how we can outgrow things we never thought we could ever live without before, yet it happens throughout our lives.
• Our most valuable weapon when faced with difficulties is how we choose to respond to them. Our response is all we ever have complete control over.
• Remaining positive in a situation doesn’t mean that you are denying the reality of the situation. It’s choosing to see the challenges and focus your thoughts on a solution and all that can go right, instead of what can go wrong. It’s overcoming negative thoughts.
• You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, ashamed, condemned or unworthy. You were created to be victorious. Trust this process. It cannot break you.

When we come from a place of lack, we enter into a situation with scarcity mindset.  As a culture, we tend to focus on what we don’t have. If I had more time, when I’m happy with my weight or when I have enough money, then I will be happy. We base how we feel about ourselves or our situation from a place of not feeling good enough or that we have enough. We become dependent on outcomes that are theoretically going to make us happy – outcomes which we may or may not have much control over at all. When we become dependent on these things, we begin to create these expectations from others or from life in general. And like Shakespeare said, expectation is the root of all heartache. The danger of this kind of mindset is that you start living your life from a victim mentality.

If we approach our day from a place of being grateful for all that we have, we are already living our life from an abundance mindset. When we see things as abundant, we are more in control of our experience. When we feel like our world is abundant and we are open to the world and all its possibilities, a funny thing happens – we begin to attract everything we want.

So how can we shift our thoughts into a more abundance mindset?

1.) Every morning before you start your day, write down three things you are grateful for and why. If this is the only step you take and you do it consistently for a couple of weeks, you will begin to rewire your thinking to approaching the day with more of an abundance mindset.

2.)  Stop being a passenger in your life. What if I told you that life wasn’t happening to you, but it was actually happening for you? You can attract exactly what you want in life if you know it’s happening for you. Be intentional and seek out what you really want. Once you become intentional, you will begin to see paths to what you want that you never even knew existed.

3.) Embrace change and see it as an opportunity. When you are open to change rather than fearing it, you open yourself to things you never knew were possible. Remember that life’s magic happens outside of our comfort zone.

4.) Have a learning and growth mindset. When things don’t work out as you expected, see it as an opportunity for you to learn and grow from the situation. Just because this one thing didn’t work, doesn’t mean nothing will. You just learned that this way isn’t the best way to achieve your goal.

Merriam-Webster defines normal as: “conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern” and “according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle”. But who determines the standard, regular pattern or rule?

For the spider, weaving her web and waiting for the fly is how she survives. It is her normal way of life. For the fly, getting stuck in a web means the end of his life is near. Both experience the web, yet their experiences are radically different.

Normal doesn’t exist. We all have different definitions of what our normal is. We derive those ideas from our own past experiences, our objectives, our childhood programming and our overall mental health.

“Normal” is a box that our society created that reflects someone’s or some group’s definition of how things should be. Having these labels make these people feel more comfortable about their own choices and ideologies. But everyone is different and that is what makes us who we are.

At the end of the day, normal is the biggest illusion you will ever buy into. Plus, why would you want to be normal and fit in with everyone else, when you were born to stand out?

This Henry David Thoreau quote is one of my favorites when we think about our most precious commodity – time. You see, we are perishable items. There’s nothing like a global pandemic unfolding in front of us that reminds us that all of our time here is limited. We have no idea how long we will be able to breathe in the crisp air, watch a beautiful sunset or hold our loved ones. Our greatest asset is our time. Everything we do and don’t do costs us time. Time is what we want the most, yet we use the worst. What you need to determine is whether or not the price of something, be it a relationship, job or pursuit, is worth the time you will never get back.

Here are some ways you can stop going through life aimlessly and align the things that are important to you with the amount of time you spend on it.

1.) Be intentional with the things that are truly important to you. Creating a list that you look at every day that can keep you focused on what you want will help you plan your time better.

2.) Plan out your day. It is our daily habits that defines who we are. What we do with our time says a lot about what’s important to us. When writing out your plan for the day, check to make sure it aligns well with the things that really matter to you.

3.) Know what is likely to get you off track. Know your triggers and what is likely to cause you to waste the day. For me, it’s typically a weekend day where I enter what I call “sloth mode”, which is just having a lazy day. Sometimes those are important to have, but if I find myself in sloth mode for too many weekends, I have to make a change.

4.) Be proactive versus reactive. Be mindful of the things that might take up a lot of time and think about whether or not you feel good about using your time that way. Some things are out of our control, but if you know that spending an afternoon with a friend often turns into a late night and you wish you came home earlier, anticipate that the next time. Then decide if you feel okay utilizing your time that way. If not, set appropriate expectations with yourself and them.

5.) Limit time on the internet and social media. As much as I love Instagram and YouTube, I have to limit it. Because you know how it is! You jump down one rabbit hole after another and before you know it, three hours have gone by. You can still enjoy social media, just set limits with yourself.