A lot of us struggle with perfection in various areas of our lives. Perfectionism is rooted in the belief that your self-worth is based on your achievements. It’s different from being a high achiever in that high achievers are motivated to do their best whereas perfectionists are motivated by fear of how they will be seen by others, and they are paralyzed by the idea of failure.
Perfectionism will usually show up as someone fixating on imperfections, trying to control situations, working hard, or being critical of the self or others. Ironically, perfectionists end up accomplishing less and end up stressing themselves out more than high achievers do.
So how can we overcome our perfectionist tendencies?
1. Be mindful of your perfectionist thoughts. Notice when you have thoughts of something needing to be perfect. It might even be helpful to journal what thoughts and triggers you have when you feel the need to be perfect. This will help identify how the cycle starts in our brains.
2. Challenge what you see. When we are feeling like things need to be perfect, we tend to see only the negative, because that’s what we need to fix, right? For every negative thing you notice, challenge yourself to find two to three things that are positive. For example, if I am struggling with a project for work, instead of looking at all that is wrong with it, I can acknowledge that parts of the project that came out good or at the very least I am satisfied with.
3. Change how you see mistakes and criticism. Instead of seeing mistakes and criticism as a statement about your value or taking them personally, see them as opportunities where you can improve. This is great information to have to help you grow and become better.
4. Focus on meaning and how what you are doing feels, rather than how it looks. When you are doing something, instead of focusing on how you or something looks, focus on how you feel about the experience. Say you make a meal for a you and a friend and you are focusing on the meal be presented perfect and tasting perfect. Instead, try to focus on the conversation and enjoy spending time with your friend. Allow yourself to enjoy the experience and time together.
