When people feel bad about the things that they have done, and they don’t want to acknowledge the truth about they did, they tend to focus all their energy on picking apart someone else and the things that they do. By focusing all their energy on them and making them the person who was wrong, they don’t have to look at themselves. Or take accountability and responsibility for themselves. It’s a nice little buffer that allows them to stay in an arrested state of development.
Some of us are more susceptible to taking on responsibility or blame for things that really aren’t ours to carry. When you are around people who like to hold you responsible for their actions, the situation can quickly turn toxic, not to mention, mentally and emotionally draining. You can start to question your own reality and wonder if you really are to blame after all. And people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves, have mastered the art of gaslighting.
Here are some things to remember about what personal accountability and responsibility look like:
- When you take responsibility for yourself, you own how your actions impact the relationship – both positive and negative.
- You take responsibility for how you feel regardless of what your partner says or does. You understand that other people don’t make you feel a particular way.
- You know how to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally, soothe yourself, and respond to situations in a calm, measured fashion. You don’t put the responsibility of feeling okay onto someone else and you don’t allow what someone said or did to change your emotional state.
- People who are avoiding taking responsibility for themselves are avoiding making decisions and taking real action to address the real problem.
- When someone blames and criticizes others, they are avoiding a truth about themselves.
- You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming them, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.
- When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
