Our feelings, whether emotional or physical, are all messengers. If you’re like me, emotions can physically show up sometimes before you can mentally acknowledge it. Sometimes it is only the physical symptoms that cause me to slow things down and ask myself what I’m really feeling.
Emotions are a means of feedback to our body. It’s a way for our body to pick up on sensory inputs, translate the information and then send it to our consciousness. Positive and negative feelings help our minds figure out whether we need something to change or not.
Let’s take a look at some common negative emotions that can be trying to send some powerful messages.
Sadness
This means you have lost something that was important to you. When you feel sad, your body is telling you that there is something that was taken away or lost.
Ask yourself – what is it that you value that has been taken away? How can you replace that?
If you felt sad when you weren’t invited to something, it shows that you probably value community. When you get clear on that, you can find another way to replace what you lost. In this case, you can intentionally find other ways to connect with people.
Anger
Anger is an emotion that arises when you feel like you lack control or there is an obstacle standing between you and what you want. When you feel angry, ask yourself: what is it that I want? Is there another way I can get this?
Additionally, anger can be used in a very productive way. Use that anger to fuel your growth. Channel it into something healthy like working out or pursuing your goals.
Shame
Feelings of shame can feel like carrying a box of heavy rocks around. Shame is the feeling of being something wrong. Unlike guilt, which is the feeling of doing something wrong, feelings of shame are all about being someone who is wrong, inadequate, bad, vulnerable, helpless etc. We often see ourselves through this distorted lens, while others do not.
So, what is the best way to combat feelings of shame?
Brené Brown says that shame needs three things to grow in our lives: secrecy, silence and judgment. To combat it, you need empathy. When you confide your feelings into another person (who is a safe person to do so), and they respond with empathy, shame cannot survive.
Fear
Fear is a very intrinsic emotion to our humanity. It is direct feedback to protect us from threats or dangers.
Fear keeps us safe. The problem is that sometimes it keeps us safe from things that aren’t real dangers. For example, as children we were put in situations that we feared, whether it was talking to new people or disappointing a parent. These fears often linger with us as adults and keep us stuck in our comfort zones. We are anxious in social situations because we fear what others think of us. We adopt people-pleasing habits because we fear disappointing others. We stay in toxic relationships because we fear being alone.
When you feel afraid or anxious, it’s crucial to face that fear and identify what it really is. Then consider if it is a real current threat or just a lingering fear from your childhood. Ask yourself: what do I need to feel safe right now?
Our emotions are messengers that help us take actions towards our wellbeing. Remember, emotions are not permanent. Rather than trying to avoid your emotions, feel them and understand what they are trying to tell you. Let them guide you towards a life that aligns with your values.
