We all have dealt with people who exude negative energy. They might make you feel inadequate or make you feel wrong for feeling your feelings. Regardless of how hard you try, you may feel like you have to constantly please them, but it seems like you can’t ever succeed. These people or relationships are often classified as toxic.
One aspect of a toxic person is that they hurt you but make themselves look like the victim. They undermine your pain and disregard your feelings, making it all about themselves. In this case, what can you do?
How to Deal with Someone Who Hurts You
When someone hurts you, especially if it is someone close to you, it can be devastating. You feel betrayed and cheated on. So, what can you do about the situation? You have a choice to make.
Anger
Anger is one of the most common expressions of hurt. And it’s completely normal to be angry when someone hurts you. However, consider how much energy you spend hanging onto that resentment and anger. Is it really making a difference to the person who hurt you? Most likely not. Holding onto anger towards people who hurt you only makes you an angry person, while the other person rarely feels bad or sorry because of your anger.
Holding onto a grudge has no positive outcome, and only does harm to you and your mental peace.
Confront
The other option is to be honest with the person about how you feel. This is especially important if you want this person to stay in your life. In this case, share your feelings openly, without judging or blaming. Remember to keep the focus on how you felt, not what the other person did, which can make the other person become defensive. Use phrases such as “I feel” rather than “you”.
When you share how you feel, it is possible that the other person may completely understand your feelings and want to make amends. Maybe they didn’t even realize how their behavior was hurtful. However, it is also possible that they get angry or blame you. In that case, forgive and move on. Let go, knowing that they are only hurting themselves.
Remember, you have no control over their response, so approach the conversation with no expectations. Share your feelings and let go.
Accept
And finally, the most freeing choice is to accept the situation and let go. This can be really hard, with thoughts like “it’s not fair” or “why is this happening to me?”. However, stewing in those feelings will keep you feeling stuck and miserable. Sometimes you will never understand why someone chose to you hurt you. But, if you want peace, you have to forgive them and move on.
Remember, accepting the situation and forgiving them does not mean that you are okay with their behavior, or you are friends with them again. Feeling angry, sad, and hurt is part of the human experience. Remember, while you can’t change what happened, you can choose your response. Take the time you need to go through the emotions, but then free yourself from the heaviness of the hurt. Accept, let go, and move on, even if you aren’t okay with what happened.
