It’s not a good feeling when you lose or fail at anything, especially when you have worked hard and poured your heart and soul into something and it doesn’t work out. It’s natural to feel disappointed when this happens, but sometimes you end up internalizing the failure and see it as a reflection of your own value and capabilities. Rather than seeing yourself as a person who has failed, you end up seeing yourself as a failure. When you do this, you erode your confidence and make it much more likely that you will simply give up because you don’t believe that you have what it takes to succeed.
One of the best gifts that you could ever give to yourself is to retrain your mind to see loss and failure as a benefit rather than a character flaw. Every time you lose, you actually gain something even more valuable, which is knowledge and experience. You learn what doesn’t work well, and why. You learn about your own capabilities, your strengths and weaknesses, and ways that you could improve your performance for better results.
The first step in shifting your mindset about loss and failure is to let go of emotional attachments to specific outcomes. One of the reasons why failure can be so painful is that you become attached to the idea of succeeding and you may have very specific expectations as to what that success will look and feel like to you. If it doesn’t happen in exactly that way, you understandably feel let down.
On the other hand, if you can approach everything you do with a relaxed, detached attitude, you will be much more flexible and resilient when the unexpected happens. You won’t be so concerned about the possibility of losing, and you will have full confidence that you can handle the outcome, whatever it may be. Say to yourself often, “Everything works out for me eventually.” This eases any pressure that you may have been putting on yourself to be successful in every single attempt.
When you do experience any kind of loss or failure, allow your curiosity to take over. Ask yourself questions to learn more about yourself and the situation so that you can get better results next time. Good questions to start with might be, “What could I have done differently to get better results? What have I learned about this situation that will help me to do better next time? What have I learned about myself, and my own strengths and weaknesses? How can I improve my skills and knowledge in this area?” Engaging your curiosity will yield helpful insights that will improve your odds of success on your next attempt.
When you train your mind to view failure and loss as valuable learning opportunities, you free yourself from the pressure of perfectionism. You are easily able to bounce back when you stumble, and your confidence in your own capabilities will continue to grow. Eventually, you learn to see any failed attempts as necessary stepping stones along your path to success.
