Can you think of a time when you did something wrong, but tried to convince yourself it was not so bad?
If we are honest, we can all attest to doing this. Maybe it was a lie we told our parents, a mean word we said about a classmate, or that small candy bar we picked up from the store without paying for.
Whatever the intensity of our actions, they are still wrong.
But sometimes, we feel bad about our actions, so we try to justify them. But the truth is that evil is evil, no matter how you spin it. What is wrong will always be wrong.
This need to convince ourselves and rationalize that our actions are not really wrong is self-justification. We come up with reasons why what we did was okay, or why it was not as bad as something else.
What is Self-Justification?
Self-justification is one of the defense mechanisms that our brains use to protect ourselves. In this case, we protect ourselves from feeling guilty and feeling bad about ourselves. We do this by convincing ourselves that our poor choices were the best we could do, or that they aren’t as bad as other evils.
Self-Justification is Self-Preservation
Have you ever done something that you knew was wrong, and then been unable to sleep at night? Maybe you spent hours thinking about the situation and feeling bad, with a sickness clenching your stomach.
When we justify our actions, we are actually engaging in self-preservation. By justifying ourselves, we protect ourselves from this self-torture that we otherwise inflict upon ourselves.
Accepting We Were Wrong
However, this is a double-edged sword. While self-justification helps us sleep at night, it doesn’t change the fact that what we did was wrong. Evil is evil, no matter how big or small it is. So it is important to accept what we did was wrong, even if it hurts us.
By accepting what we did was wrong, we not only become stronger, but we can also save relationships. If we constantly try to convince ourselves that we were justified in our actions, we can never change! This can break relationships and result in more disaster.
For example, if you said something mean to your partner, you can justify it by saying you were angry or that your partner didn’t do what you asked them to do. But being mean was still wrong. If you keep justifying it, you will never work on being more careful with your words. Your partner might forgive you the first few times, but after a while, your relationship will be negatively affected.
Therefore, it is important to stop justifying and admit that we are wrong so that we can then change how we act to improve the situation. Remember, self-justification is a means of creating a new narrative that makes us feel good. But what is wrong will always be wrong, and it is up to us to try to do better. Admitting we are wrong takes courage, but it is worth it.
