We have all had moments in our lives where we have put on a mask to hide our true authentic selves to be accepted by others. Whether it was dressing, speaking, or acting a certain way, we tend to change ourselves in order to win other people’s approval.
We spend so much time and energy trying to please other people. But is it worth it if they don’t even like us for who we are? We have become so used to trying to fit in even if that means changing ourselves, that we often forget who we truly are. When we trade our authenticity for other people’s approval, we stop accepting ourselves and we begin basing our worth on other people’s opinions of us. The truth, however, is that you are worthy regardless of what other people think! So rather than trying to please others, be authentic and stay true to who you are.
Here are 4 ways you can learn to live more authentically
1. Accept yourself good and bad. Accepting yourself is one of the most important steps of living authentically. We all have things that we don’t like about ourselves. We wish we were funnier, smarter, prettier… and the list goes on. But rather than spending so much time and energy on the things we don’t like about ourselves and wishing we could change them, what if we accept these aspects of ourselves?
When you accept yourself, you no longer need to win the acceptance of other people. And that gives you a reservoir of confidence and strength that nothing else can. When you accept yourself fully, for the good and the bad, no one else can hurt you because you have the approval of the most important person in your life: you.
2. Remind yourself you are human. There is something beautiful about our common humanity. Remind yourself that we are all human, even the people you are trying to please, and that we are all flawed. So rather than spending so much time and energy trying to ‘fix’ your flaws or change yourself to please someone, why not accept yourself and accept the flaws in others, too?
When you accept someone else for their flawed humanness, you give yourself permission to be human too.
3. Speak your mind. How often do you hide what you truly want to say or how you truly feel? When someone asks you how you are, do you automatically say “I’m fine” or do you share your truth? When someone asks how their new haircut is, do you beat around the bush or tell them your opinion?
To live authentically, you must speak your mind unapologetically. Open up and share your feelings and thoughts. If someone hurts you, let them know (in a kind and loving manner). If someone asks for your opinion, offer it honestly (again, in a kind and loving way).
4. Love yourself. Love yourself no matter what. Embrace your quirky weirdness. Tell yourself how amazing you are every day. Your quirky characteristics are what define you and make you special and loveable. So, accept yourself and let yourself be your weird, different self in front of others, too. When you love yourself for who you are, you no longer need to chase other people and their approval. Not only is this empowering, but it also gives you that much more capacity to love others around you! And people will be attracted to who YOU truly are, without you having to change!
Remember, humans are social beings, so it is only natural that we crave other people’s approval. However, this need for approval can become detrimental when we trade in our authenticity just to please others. If we keep changing ourselves for other people’s approval, we can eventually lose ourselves and forget who we truly are. But when you accept the real you without worrying about what other people will think, you can truly love yourself. At the end of the day, the only person whose approval you need is your own.
