Have you ever felt as though your words were not being received and understood in the spirit in which you intended them? Maybe you were trying to have a meaningful discussion with someone, and they acted like you were verbally attacking them. Or maybe you were trying to be encouraging but they felt like you were being dismissive or insensitive to their feelings.
When misunderstandings like these happen, the problem might not be that your communication skills are lacking, but rather that your intended audience isn’t quite right for the message you’re trying to convey. No matter how many different ways you word it, it seems as though you’re shouting into an abyss and the message isn’t getting through.
As human beings, we share many commonalities, but we are also very different in many ways. We each see the world around us through a filter that is heavily influenced by our personal experiences. This might include the way we were raised, our life experiences and our unique family dynamics. Traditions and mannerisms of our culture and society also influence this filter. Even our previous interactions with other people can have a lasting impact on our future interactions going forward.
That’s why no two people will hear the same thing coming from your lips, even if you spoke identical words to both of them. In fact, you could say exactly the same thing to five different people, and each of them would hear something slightly different and take away a unique conclusion from the conversation.
You have probably already discovered that communicating with people who are similar to yourself is usually easier. These are people who have likely had a similar upbringing as you have. Their family dynamics, life experiences and even their cultural traditions are very aligned with your own. This makes it easier for them to really hear what you are saying. They likely understand where you are coming from. And the odds of misinterpretation are greatly reduced because you share such similar values, experiences, and communication styles.
Does that mean that it’s impossible to communicate effectively with people who are quite different than yourself? Not at all. It just means that your conversations might require a little more forethought and sensitivity on both sides.
A good way to start is by considering your goal before you begin the conversation. What are you trying to accomplish? What is the outcome or aim that you are trying to achieve? Also, consider the person or people to whom you will be speaking. How you might be able to tailor your message so that they are more likely to truly hear and receive it?
For example, a practical, logical person would probably appreciate a more direct approach, while a sensitive and emotional person might respond better if you invite them to share their thoughts and feelings about a situation before jumping right in to express your own.
Simply by considering your audience and the message you wish to convey beforehand; you can avoid misunderstandings and greatly increase the effectiveness of your communications with others.
