Is it me, or does it seem like people are offended by the slightest things these days? Our culture has become hypersensitive to things that never seemed to bother people before. Every day it feels like someone is being cancelled…even comedians. And in many cases, it’s just because they have voiced their own opinion about something. There was a time when you could have a different perspective in our society and have a friendly, respectful debate with those who feel opposite of you.
The truth is, being offended in any situation is a choice. I know many people who actively look for reasons to be offended. Taking offense to what someone does or says can affect your mental health and sense of self-worth. It can also lead to unnecessary conflict with others in a day and age where we need peace the most.
But what does taking offense to things really mean? Regularly taking things personally showcases low self-esteem, and it can create paranoia around how others view you. Choosing to take offense is labeling yourself as a victim, and victim mentality is one of the biggest obstacles to growth.
Last year someone in my family made a judgment about me to a mutual friend. They said that I am lazy, do nothing all day, have no real responsibilities, etc. When I was informed of this opinion of me, I nearly spit out my water from laughing. I found it to be hilarious because this person clearly had no idea what I do all day. And they are entitled to their own thoughts and opinions of me, of course. I just found it so misinformed and was highly amused.
Can someone say something that is objectively offensive? Yes. But that doesn’t mean you have to choose to be offended and carry a grudge. At the end of the day, if you are comfortable and confident in yourself and what you believe, there is no reason to respond in an offensive way.
If you find yourself in a position where you’re often feeling offended, here are some ways you can start to change your thinking.
1. Try not to assume things, especially when assuming a negative intention. Giving people the benefit of the doubt will allow you to ask for further understanding than simply labeling them and the circumstance as offensive.
2. Understand that being offended does not equal being harmed. When someone attacks you physically, that is harmful. When someone verbally abuses you, that is harmful. But someone speaking their opinion or living their life in a way you disagree with, it is not actually harming you.
3. Reflect on why you are upset. Dig a little deeper within yourself and ask yourself why are really upset. If you don’t take the time to understand the true nature of your thoughts and emotions, you will be unable to gain a wholesome perspective.
4. Change your expectations of others. As they say, expectation is the root of all heartache. Expectations lead to disappointments. People do not automatically know how you feel or think. They have their own opinions and emotions they are sharing. If you find yourself upset with something someone has said, they might not find it offensive. Try to understand their views because more understanding is key.
5. Don’t assume everything is about you. This is a surefire way to misery. Unless someone specifically states they are talking about you, it is most likely not directed at you. Try to overcome thought patterns that are self-absorbed.
6. When you become offended, you have two options: discuss the matter or let it go. If you feel someone was deliberately trying to offend you, address it. But if you find that they didn’t mean to offend you, choose to look inward as to why it bothers you and then let it go.
