When you try to fit in with the people around you, it usually requires altering your behavior and mannerisms to mirror theirs. Whether you’re with a group of friends and acquaintances, or your boss and co-workers, or even your close family members, you may feel like you can’t open up and show them who you truly are. You may find yourself obscuring certain parts of your personality and amplifying others, so that you can fit in and feel like you belong.
However, curtailing aspects of your genuine self actually prevents you from connecting deeply with the people around you. You end up hiding behind a mask, a false persona that will not allow anyone to truly get to know you. This can make you feel isolated and lonely, even when you are surrounded by people.
Even worse, you end up feeling a constant low-level sense of anxiety because in the back of your mind is always a worry that somehow you will be exposed as a fraud, and they will discover that you are not the person you are pretending to be. Needless to say, this can make your relationships feel tense and uncomfortable.
Trying to fit in with other people usually means that you are operating from a state of fear. You might believe that your loved ones or work associates wouldn’t accept you for who you really are. You might worry that they’ll ridicule or reject you, and you try to avoid that pain at all costs, even if it means shutting everyone out.
Belonging, on the other hand, means that you are comfortable being your authentic self, no matter who you are with at the time. Whether you are at work, in social settings, or meeting new people for the first time, you don’t feel concerned about the possibility of rejection or ridicule, because you have fully accepted yourself already. You know that you have a lot to offer in your relationships, and you are focused on building meaningful connections rather than merely fitting in.
Developing this sense of belonging always begins within first. To be liked and accepted by others, you need to like and accept yourself first. What do you like about yourself? What are some of your best traits and qualities that other people probably value? What do you have to offer other people?
Grab a notebook and a pen, and make a list of the things that make you wonderful and unique. Spend time getting to know yourself on a deeper level than you may have before. Then begin sharing your authentic self with people you trust, the people you feel would be most likely to accept you for who you are. Open up and be willing to be vulnerable, even in small ways at first.
Keep reminding yourself that it’s not your job to make everyone like you. Your only job is to be yourself and connect with those people who do appreciate you for who you really are. For anyone who does not, simply bless them and let them go.
Over time, as you grow to love and accept yourself more fully, you will find that you automatically feel a sense of belonging in all settings.
