So many of us run back to what hurt us, looking for happiness. It is human to want to resolve unfinished business. Somehow, we think that if we go back and fix what caused us unhappiness, we will actually be happy. The problem is, often times what needs to be fixed is out of our control.
You cannot change someone else. They can change if they want to bad enough, but they have to want it. If you find yourself going back to a relationship that has made you unhappy, you have to start looking at yourself and asking some real difficult questions.
For many of us, myself included, we get caught up in what I call crazy making dynamics in relationships. These behaviors become vicious cycles. You can read more about it here.
One of the traits, I think many of us are vulnerable to is inconsistent praise and affection. The crazy maker will give you praise and affection, and you will feel good about things, and then they quickly take it away. There have been numerous studies that show how addictive inconsistent praise can be to people and how praise from someone who doesn’t give it often, is more meaningful. It’s actually been equated to the inconsistent reward of gambling addiction.
If this sounds like something that happens in your relationships, the key to fixing it is working on your self-worth. Someone else getting us doesn’t define us. Their praise or acceptance of us isn’t what makes us a worthwhile person. You are worth so much more. Once you start seeing the value you already have, the harder it will be to stay around people who don’t see it.
