Boundaries are the limits that you set with yourself and the people in your life as to how they can treat you and behave around you. They come from your own personal values, beliefs, perspectives, opinions and life experiences. It requires understanding how to separate your own needs from the needs of others and prioritizing them.
Many of us avoid setting boundaries with others because we worry that if we do, we will be abandoned. This can be a deep-rooted fear that was taught to us in our childhood. And as children, we needed belonging and acceptance. So not setting boundaries was a way for us to survive.
We never learned how to create boundaries, so we try to navigate through life without them. We tend to believe that other people’s needs, and feelings should come first. We worry that setting a boundary may jeopardize the relationship. And for many of us, we struggle with understanding what we really feel and want. It’s hard to set boundaries when we can’t identify what we are feeling.
One way to start contemplating what kind of boundaries you want to have is to think about what your limits are. Identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits. Think about what you can accept and tolerate. Knowing what makes you feel uncomfortable, stressed or resentful are great guidelines to help you define your boundaries.
If you’re interested in reading more about personal boundaries, Mark Manson has a fantastic article all about it that you can find here.
