We should all strive to be more kind to others because sometimes someone being kind to us really does make all the difference. And sometimes we don’t even realize how much we needed those kind words until we hear them.
A few years ago, I literally had a complete meltdown in my car. And it was all because a stranger had been kind to me. I know – it sounds crazy, right? But I realize the reason why I was so emotional about it was because I felt such an incredible lack of basic kindness in my closest relationships. I had become so isolated from others, that I was surrounded by toxicity. And it took someone else’s random act of kindness to remind me that our world is full of light and kindness. I just had to start looking in the right places. And start making the tough changes I needed to make in my own life.
I started challenging some of the beliefs I had about myself. These were some of the ways I felt:
- I give people the benefit of the doubt too much or too many second chances.
- I worry about offending my partner if I stand up for myself.
- I have a hard time recognizing when I am being disrespected. Sometimes it takes someone else pointing it out to me.
- When someone hurts me, instead of setting a boundary with them, I feel like I need to prove my worthiness and why they should value me more.
- When someone hurts me, I need them validate me and my feelings by admitting that they were wrong or disrespectful.
- I don’t even know what respect feels like in a relationship.
- I feel guilty when setting boundaries and worry that I am being unfair. Sometimes I even convince myself that by setting the boundary, I am overreacting.
- I would rather put up with shitty treatment than be alone.
I began to question why I feel this way about my relationships and myself. Just noticing how often these beliefs were reflected in my interactions with others was eye opening. Then I slowly began to challenge my own thinking. I started talking to myself as if I was talking to a friend. What would I tell a friend if they told me that they were worried about offending their partner if they stood up for themselves? Then I began to apply the advice I would give someone else to myself.
What beliefs do you have about yourself that are keeping you in a toxic situation?
