Instead of getting mad at a clown for being a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

So much easier said than done, right? When we feel hurt or upset by someone who has a history of hurting us, it’s easy to respond in a righteously indignant fashion. We want an apology or some kind of indication that they get how hurtful they were and truly feel sorry that they hurt us. Again. That’s what’s fair and what’s right, isn’t it?

But here’s the thing about clowns. If they know that they hurt you and continue to do so anyway, you need to start looking at your response to the situation. You need to ask yourself why you are okay with continuing to engage with someone who clearly doesn’t care if they are upsetting you or hurting you. Why are you continuing to put yourself in a situation where someone doesn’t value you like they should?

For some of us, we can actually become addicted to this kind of crazy making in a relationship. We just might be going to the circus because sometimes the person who continues to hurt us, also offers us inconsistent understanding and praise. And when they give us what we want from them, we feel so much better. We constantly chase this inconsistent reward. This kind of behavior is similar to gambling addiction.

If this sounds like a situation you are in, the key to fixing it is working on your self-worth. Someone else getting us doesn’t define us. Their praise or acceptance of us isn’t what makes us a worthwhile person. You are worth so much more. Once you start seeing the value you already have, the harder it will be to stay around people who don’t see it.