A few years ago, I volunteered my time as a crisis counselor for an amazing organization. I worked with people from all ages and walks of life. The work I did gave me an intimate look at how many horrific traumas people have gone through, and different stages of the process they were in while dealing with it. I admired their courage to talk about it and release themselves from the burden of carrying it all on their own.
Trauma is not something we choose. It changes us. Whether itâs a one-time event, diagnosis of a chronic or terminal medical illness or ongoing, relentless distress, that trauma, whatever it is, becomes part of us, whether we want it to or not. Sometimes it leaves us very real changes, like physical changes or psychological changes like PTSD or panic disorder. If you have experienced trauma, know that it wasnât your fault and that you didnât deserve for it to happen.
In Manâs Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, said, âWhen we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.â We canât change what happened to us. But we can change how we respond to it.
Healing from our trauma allows us to take back our power. We get to choose from that point forward how things are going to go. What we can do in taking back our power becomes limitless. We get to determine what we will do with our experience and how it will shape us going forward. But more so, healing is our responsibility. While we arenât responsible for what happened to us, we are responsible for healing ourselves.
Interestingly, researchers have discovered that many people who experience trauma, also experience incredible growth. As in, more than your average person who hasnât experienced trauma themselves. Called post-traumatic growth, it is defined as âpositive psychological change that is experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life circumstances.â
In a recent Scientific American article, they list seven areas of growth seen in people who experience high levels of adversity:
- Greater appreciation of life
- Greater appreciation and strengthening of close relationships
- Increased compassion and altruism
- The identification of new possibilities or a purpose in life
- Greater awareness and utilization of personal strengths
- Enhanced spiritual development
- Creative growth
The article is a fantastic read and goes into depth about this topic, in laymanâs terms. It highlights different facets of the process and the struggles that one can overcome to get to that place of incredible growth. You can read the full article here.
While the idea of healing and post-traumatic growth sounds fantastic, it takes time. A lot of time. And it isnât easy. Sometimes it takes therapy. Working through what wounded you is a gift you can give yourself â a gift you 100% deserve. You were created to live a victorious, extraordinary life.
And if you are struggling right now, know that you are not alone. We all fall sometimes, and it is okay. Itâs okay to grieve and be where you are right now â just donât stay there. In a previous post, I talked about how you can start the healing process. You can read it here. What change to you choose for yourself?
Video for Trauma creates changes you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change that you do choose.
Additional Resources for Dealing with Trauma
Judith Herman helped shape our understanding and treatment of psychological trauma. Her book, Trauma and Recovery continues to guide many experts. The book has two parts. The first part covers the nature of trauma. As you may have guessed, the second part focuses on the recovery.
Understanding Trauma
To start, Herman discusses the history of how society has understood traumatic disorders. She defines trauma as an affliction of the powerless. Furthermore, she outlines the commonalities between survivors of various forms of trauma. To expand, Herman breaks down the symptoms of trauma in three categories.
The first is hyperarousal. Have you ever had a sense of someone watching you? Then every thing you saw or heard is so much more crisp and clear. That’s hyperarousal. Your senses pick up on everything. In the case of severe trauma, you experience what Herman calls a “persistent expectation of danger”.
The second element is intrusion. Intrusive thoughts are often unwanted and unexpected. For me they take the form of negative self-talk. I will tell myself how much I hate my life. But I don’t feel that. It’s my trauma taking over and intruding on my day to day life. In the case of severe trauma, that traumatic event replays unconsciously.
The final category is constriction. This occurs when a survivor of trauma chooses to block out the pain. These tactics may take the form of addictions or self-harm. In any instance, people in effect surrender to the trauma. They choose not to take action and re-process the harm. Instead, they numb themselves to the pain.
Choosing Recovery
The second part of the book covers recovery. Herman sees this as a restoration of control and power for the survivor. She outlines three stages to recover. First, survivors need to establish safety. Second, the process of remembrance and mourning helps us grieve. This enables us to release negative feelings and integrate what happened to us. Finally we need to reconnect with ordinary life. At its heart, recovery is about getting back to our lives without the hindrance of trauma.
In the book, each stage is thoroughly explained, offering a framework for healing. If you’d like to dig deeper into this book, you can buy it on Amazon here:Â Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. This book can serve as a valuable resource for both survivors of trauma and those who support them in their healing journey.
Healing from Being Heard
I have another post on healing that might help if you have experienced trauma.
Please note, the books linked above use affiliate links from Amazon. I only refer books I find useful. If you choose to buy one using the links above, I may receive a small commission. Using these links helps me cover the costs of hosting and maintaining the site. Thanks!
