In Game of Thrones, Joffrey is a horrible king. He’s also very young, so he lacks experience. And as it happens, he is also an unsufferable brat.

Anyone who must proclaim that they are something to everyone, is clearly grappling with their own self-doubt. Joffrey and this quote remind me of two drug dealers from the Better Call Saul and Breaking Bad world. For the most part, Gus Fring is levelheaded and never has to remind those around him how powerful he is. Hector Salamanca on the other hand, is always squawking about the position he has.

Gus is the guy who is always thinking steps ahead and from the outside, you wouldn’t even know his true feelings. When Hector has a stroke, Gus insists that they 911 and he begins life saving measures to save him. Why? He hates Hector because he is a horrible man. And everyone who was there when it happened would probably agree that Hector being out of the picture would be better for business. But Gus saves him because he wants him to stay alive and live a miserable life. And he does. We see the shambles of a man he has become in Breaking Bad.

But on the outside, Gus appears to be a decent guy (for a drug dealer). He has great ties to the community and is always donating to the police. He flies below the radar, remains an unassuming restaurant owner and no one ever suspect him of being the criminal he is. With the Salamancas, everyone knows about their brutality, and they are often on the police’s radar.

When you feel confident in who you are, you don’t have to tell everybody. You aren’t dependent on their ability to see it or validate it to know who you are.

It’s been said that the only thing to fear is fear itself. But that’s not easy to believe when you are facing a situation that makes you want to run and hide to avoid it. This can certainly include big life challenges that threaten your perception of safety and security, but it can also include simpler things like pursuing an important goal. At some point, fear creeps in and you suddenly feel powerless and unsure about your ability to handle it.

During times like these, it’s helpful to understand what fear really is. Fear is a built-in survival mechanism that is designed to keep you safe. When you perceive a potential threat, your nervous system kicks into overdrive and your body reacts by preparing to handle the threat. This usually means that your heart beats faster, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow, your muscles tense, and you may feel a rush of adrenaline coursing through your body. This reaction can happen when you are facing an actual physical threat, but it can also happen in situations that are truly not dangerous, such as getting up to speak in front of a group of people.

One of the greatest skills that you can ever master is the ability to push through fear when it’s clear that there is no real danger in a situation. If you are pursuing an important goal, or you want to try something new, or you just want to step out of your comfort zone more often, fear is most likely going to make an appearance at one time or another. It’s a completely normal and natural reaction. When this happens, you will have an important choice to make: do you allow it to stop you, or do you push forward anyway?

If you still feel hesitant to move forward even though you can clearly see that there is no real danger in a particular situation, you might find it helpful to employ a simple mental trick. Remind yourself that fear is nothing more than a physiological response to a negative expectation. You are looking at a situation and thinking about what might go wrong, which feels threatening to you.

However, you could just as easily focus on a positive expectation by looking at the same situation and considering the ways that it might work out wonderfully for you. What would you potentially gain if you moved forward? When you focus on a positive outcome like this, your feelings of fear can quickly transform into a genuine sense of excitement about the possibilities, and even the courage to take a step forward.

It may take some practice and patience to retrain your mind to see the possibilities rather than honing in on potential pitfalls, but it is time and effort well-spent. The truth is, behind every wall of fear that arises in your consciousness lies a great treasure just waiting to be discovered. Sometimes these treasures will be tangible gains, such as great opportunities or increased prosperity. But the more valuable treasures will be things like a sense of exhilaration and appreciation for your ability to overcome fear and create a life that is so much bigger, richer, and more fulfilling than you ever could have realized by continuing to hold back.

Every now and then you may feel as if you have inadvertently stumbled onto the wrong path in life, despite your best intentions to stay on track. Maybe you find yourself stuck in a job that feels stifling or limited, and you have a nagging sense that you are meant to be doing something different. Maybe a relationship that once worked for you no longer does. Or you may even find yourself in a frustrating cycle where things keep going wrong no matter how hard you try to make them better.

Experiences like these can make it seem as if you are hopelessly lost, but it can be helpful to look at the situation in a slightly different way. Imagine if there were truly no “wrong” paths in life after all.

Certainly there are pathways that are enjoyable and beneficial, and those that are destructive and stressful. But even those less desirable paths can still lead to wonderful destinations. Sometimes it might even seem that you are on the wrong path, but you realize later that it was actually the right path. Perhaps your path may have traversed a more scenic route so that you could learn more about yourself and become stronger and wiser through that process of self-discovery. Afterall, it is everything that happens along the journey that allows us to grow, not getting to the ultimate destination.

However, at any time if you do find yourself on a life path that is clearly not serving your highest good, choosing a new path is as simple as making different choices.

The first important step is to objectively assess where you are now, and where you would like to end up. Then consider whether your current path seems to be leading in that direction. If not, consider the reasons for that. Have you been making hasty decisions or acting impulsively rather than carefully planning your steps? Have you been holding back rather than taking action? Are there outer influences or people that keep distracting you or interfering with your progress?

Do what you can to devise a plan to get back on track again. You might realize that you need to be more disciplined in taking the right actions, or you may need to develop some strategies to overcome self-sabotage or procrastination. Come up with a list of clear, actionable steps that you can take each day to ensure that you keep moving in the direction you want to go. Then repeat this assessment process regularly to ensure that you stay on track.

Most importantly, don’t beat up on yourself for going off-track now and then. Even the dark and scary paths can teach you so much about yourself and help you tap into reserves of strength and courage that you never knew you had.

No matter how far off your intended path you may seem to be at any given time, remind yourself that you are never truly lost. You have an inner compass that will always lead you in the right direction no matter how far off your intended path you appear to be at times. Simply turn within, regain your clarity, and adjust your direction as necessary.

Life is nothing if not unpredictable, and as much as we might try to make it flow smoothly, we are often faced with unexpected challenges that can stall our progress. Railing against the unfairness of challenges is pointless since life is going to do what it does. A more empowering approach is to change the way you view your challenges.

If you typically react to challenges with an attitude of anger, frustration, and powerlessness, it might be helpful to imagine that you are a sailor navigating a large body of water. Sailors hone their skills by constantly assessing the current conditions, anticipating what might be coming up next, making key decisions in the moment, and learning from the results of those decisions. The more they sail, the more they learn, so they keep getting better and better at what they do.

This is really not so different than your journey through life. You probably have a course charted in your mind, and you’re pretty sure you know how to get from here to there. But between here and there, many things can change and threaten to blow you off-course.

Developing a few key skills can help you to better navigate those unforeseen changes:

Awareness

The first crucial skill is awareness. This is the ability to pause and quickly assess the current conditions, calmly and objectively. Take a few deep breaths and let go of any emotional reactions you may be experiencing. Trying to solve a problem while you are besieged by worry or frustration will only cloud your thinking. Instead, engage your critical thinking ability by asking yourself, “What is my ultimate goal? What is the obstacle in my way? Is there an obvious solution for this challenge?”

Creativity

If no obvious solutions are clear, awaken your creative problem-solving skills by thinking outside of the box. Consider how you normally handle obstacles, and whether that approach has proven to be helpful in the past. If not, consider how else you might handle this particular challenge. Imagine your consciousness rising high above your current situation so that you are looking down at it from an elevated vantage point. This will allow you to see things that you might have missed while you were viewing the problem from the perception of being stuck in the middle of it.

Courage

Next, consider whether there are solutions that make you feel a bit nervous or unsure about yourself. Life frequently offers opportunities to step out of your comfort zone and strengthen your belief in yourself. Start building up your courage and confidence by recalling times in the past when you overcame big challenges, and affirm that you can certainly do it again. Keep reminding yourself that all worthwhile achievements require a bit of risk, and that you usually stand to gain much more than you might lose by moving forward.

Anticipation

Finally, as you work through the current challenge and continue forward on the path to your goals, keep a constant connection with your intuition as you anticipate other obstacles that could come up. Create strategies to overcome them so you’ll be better prepared if they do. Of course, you can’t predict every possible challenge. But simply by adopting a strategic mindset and exercising your problem-solving skills on a daily basis, you will be empowering yourself with the knowledge that no obstacles will ever be smarter or stronger than you are.

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Fake it till you make it”. But what does that mean? If you want to be rich, does that mean you spend all your savings on clothes? If you want to be thin, how do you fake it?

The reason this phrase doesn’t always work is because you cannot fake the external. You can’t fake your appearance, your accomplishments, or your bank balance.

However, what you can do is shift your thinking when it comes to how you see yourself. Start thinking like the person you want to become by behaving like they would. Have the self-confidence, the discipline, the perseverance, and the dedication that your future self would have. Believe in yourself. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

How does this work? For one, we know that what we tend to focus on becomes our reality. If you focus your energy on behaving and thinking in a way the person who you want to become would, you will create new neural pathways in your brain. Changing our thinking also gets us out of the victim mindset because we are taking massive action every day to behave like the person we want to become would behave.

Get Out of the Victim Mentality

As long as you continue to think like a victim, you will stay where you are. The reason most people are stuck is because they don’t take responsibility for their life and get into a rut of thinking thoughts like, “This is just the way it is. I can’t do anything about it”.

If you want to improve yourself, feel confident, and achieve your goals, then you have to change how you think. You have to expect that you CAN change your life. That you are capable and that you have the power to improve yourself and your situation.

How do you do that? By thinking like the person you want to become, because they believe that it is possible.

How to Think Like the Person You Want to Become

Make Decisions Like Them

We create our lives by the choices we make. So if you want to be a different version of you, you have to ask yourself what your future self would do. For example, if you have the option to get an ice cream sundae or get a fruit bowl, ask yourself what the future you would choose. By doing this, you can start making the small decisions that will get you closer to the person you want to become.

Challenge Your Inner Critic

The next time your inner critic comes around and starts bullying you with thoughts like “you aren’t good enough” or “you always fail”, question them. When you look in the mirror and don’t feel good enough, change the negative, critical thought into a loving one. Choose the type of thoughts that your future self would have.

The person you want to be KNOWS that you are successful. You know you are good enough. So switch your self-critical thoughts into the positive thoughts.  

Adopt a Growth Mindset

No matter how amazing a person you want to become, you will always face challenges. The difference, however, will be in how you react to those challenges. Your best-self will face challenges with a positive attitude, knowing that you have already overcome numerous struggles successfully.

So the next time life presents you with a challenge, instead of running away from it, sulking, or wallowing in the corner, consider how the future you would react?

Look for the silver lining. Find a solution. Change the negative into a positive.

If you want to change something and become a better version of yourself, you have to start thinking like the person you ultimately want to be. When you change your thoughts, you change your behavior. By focusing on changing these small things consistently, one day you will wake up and look around and realize that you are a lot more closer to being the person you want to be.

While in the matrix, Morpheus tells Neo that he needs to free his mind and let go of all the preconceived notions he has. After they come out of the matrix, Neo notices that he has blood in his mouth and tells Morpheus that he thought it wasn’t real. Morpheus tells him that his mind makes it real. Neo then asks if you die here if you are killed in the matrix. Morpheus replies, “The body cannot live without the mind.”

The Matrix explores the connection between the human mind and body. In this clip, Neo’s pain is real because his mind tells him it is.

Our minds are incredibly powerful. I’ve talked a lot about how our mind’s create filters for us and how our reticular activating system (RAS) works. One you believe something in your mind, you will find evidence of what you believe.

Our bodies can feel pain without a physical source or make pain you already have worse or linger. It is called psychogenic pain. It occurs when the pain you feel originates in your mind from underlying psychological, emotional, or behavioral factors.

I’ll give you an example of how our mind is connected to our bodies by how I handle anxiety. For the most part, I don’t really struggle with feelings of anxiety. However, in the weeks leading up to appointments at the hospital for scans of any kind, I become anxious. I don’t feel anxiety mentally, though. I am really good at being able to compartmentalize the feelings associated with it because I intellectually know what is really fueling the anxiety.

It is fear that the cancer has come back, and I am going to be blindsided again, just like I was a few years ago. And the truth is, the way cancer behaves can be random. So, it is unpredictable. And my worry is reasonable. But there is nothing I can do about it until I have the results, so I block it out and try to be productive.

No matter how much I push it away, though, I feel it physically. It manifests itself by my body twitching in my legs, arms and back. It’s a freaky sensation, but I know exactly what it is when it happens. And just because I choose to work extra hard or keep myself busy in the weeks leading up to the scans, the anxiety is there, brimming underneath the surface. After I get my results and my mind is at ease, it goes away.

Be mindful of what you allow into your thoughts. Our minds have the ability to believe what we tell it – whether it’s real or not.  

When you settle for less than you deserve, you shortchange yourself as well as the other people whose lives that you might have been able to touch in a positive way. The more blessings you will allow into your own life, the more you are able to bless the world around you.

Of course, you may not feel as though you are settling for less. In fact, it might seem like you have no other options at the moment. But the interesting thing about limitations is that they are always self-fulfilling, according to your beliefs.

If you hold a belief that you do not deserve more abundance, freedom, well-being, love or anything else, the universe will simply comply with your expectations and deliver only as much as you are willing to receive. If you believe that receiving more is not possible for one reason or another, or that it can’t come to you easily, the universe will reflect back to you exactly what you believe and expect to receive.

The good news is that this universal principle works in a favorable direction too. When you hold an unshakable belief that you deserve all of the goodness that you desire, and when you practice believing and knowing that it can come easily to you, the universe begins responding to that expectation.

The most challenging part of this transition from lack to abundance is retraining your beliefs to be more optimistic and self-loving. One good way to begin is by continually saying to yourself, “I give myself permission to want more, and receive more.” This simple statement begins awakening you from the subconscious belief that it’s selfish to want more, or that you should just settle for whatever you can get because there isn’t enough to go around. By affirming that you can and should expect better for yourself and others, you begin drawing more of those resources into being.

It’s also important to begin expanding your belief in what is truly possible. Consider just how rich and vast this universe is and recognize that universal forces are not limited at all. The same energy that created the planets and stars can also be applied to the creation of anything that you could need or want. Say frequently, “All things are possible if I believe they are.”

In fact, remind yourself that there have been many people throughout history who have demonstrated this power by holding firmly to a vision of something they wanted, even when it may have been considered impossible by most people. They were able to achieve fulfillment of their dream, simply because they believed in it so powerfully.

Miracles happen when you continually raise your standards to expect and allow more of everything you desire. You will gradually expand beyond the boundaries of limitations that prevented you from being everything you could be. Not only does this benefit you, but you will also serve as a shining example to others that they also can do and be more, which will create a ripple effect that continues to benefit the entire planet.

Have you ever noticed that people tend to complain more than they express gratitude? Have you noticed this within yourself? It is human nature for people to focus on the negative aspects of their lives rather than reflecting on what they are grateful for in their lives.

In this post, we will explore why we tend to focus on the negatives, the benefits of gratitude, and how to practice gratitude more in your day-to-day life. 

Why Do We Focus on Our Miseries?

The tendency to focus on our miseries or negative stimuli is referred to as the negativity bias. Researchers believe that negativity bias is a result of evolution because paying attention to dangerous and threatening parts of the environment used to be necessary for people to survive. Now, our brains respond more to negative stimuli than positive stimuli, which causes us to focus more on the bad parts of our life.

Even though our brains naturally focus on negative stimuli, allowing ourselves to focus on the negatives can cause significant damage to our mental health and can negatively affect the way we interact with the world.

The Benefits of Practicing Gratitude

Fortunately, we have the power to improve the way we view the things that happen throughout our lives. Practicing gratitude is a great way to begin focusing on the positive parts of life, and researchers have found many benefits associated with this practice.

Improved Relationships

People like to feel appreciated. When you say “thank you” and express gratitude to the important people in your life, you strengthen your relationships.

Better Mental Health

Devoting time to identifying the good that exists in your life can help you feel better. Research suggests that practicing gratitude can even help reduce symptoms of depression.

Improved Sleep

When we ruminate on negative thoughts, it can be harder to get a good night’s sleep. However, when we focus on positive thoughts and reflect on things that make us happy before bed, we get more high-quality sleep and sleep for a longer period of time.

Higher Self-Esteem

Practicing gratitude can also improve our self-esteem. Spending more time thinking positive thoughts makes us feel better about our lives and about ourselves.

Increased Happiness

Perhaps the most important outcome of practicing gratitude is increased happiness. Across numerous studies, gratitude has been consistently positively associated with happiness.

How to Practice Gratitude

If you, like most people, tend to focus on the negatives in your life, you may be wondering how you can start practicing gratitude and reap its many benefits. Here are 3 simple ways you can start practicing gratitude today.

Start a Gratitude Journal

One of the easiest ways to practice gratitude every day is to start a gratitude journal. A gratitude journal is simply a place where you write what you are grateful for. You should plan to spend a few minutes every day writing 3-5 things you are grateful for.

Write Thank You Notes to People in Your Life

You can also practice gratitude by writing thank-you notes to people you care about. Saying “thank you” when someone does something for you is great, but giving them a hand-written note can feel a lot more special and meaningful. The process of writing the note will encourage you to think more positively about your life.

Find the Beauty in Every Day

One last way you can practice gratitude is to look for and recognize the beauty in your everyday life. For example, you might notice how beautiful the sky looks on your way to work, how delicious your cup of coffee tastes, or how great it was that your favorite song came on the radio. Pay attention to everything because good things happen every day.

While we may count our miseries carefully and accept our blessings without much thought, we have the power to practice gratitude and change the way we perceive our lives. We just need to decide to change our perspective.