All relationships have their struggles. Arguments are bound to happen and dealing with them effectively is easier said than done. The quote, “It takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations,” means that we need to learn to have grace in order to make it through the hard times in our relationships and come out stronger in the end.

What Is Grace?

Grace has many different meanings, but ultimately, it comes down to showing kindness to someone despite their unkind actions towards you. It is trying to understand another person’s point of view and choosing to still love them regardless.

Grace can be challenging, but it is crucial to remember that showing grace during arguments strengthens relationships. Grace doesn’t mean you agree with the person or that you think their actions were right; it means that you understand that people make mistakes, and you care about the relationship more than the argument.

How to Display Grace in a Relationship

There are many ways that you can and should show your partner grace in your relationship.

Remember that Everyone is Human

First, you should remember that we are all human, and being human means making mistakes. Remembering this fact can help you realize that your partner is more than just their bad moments. It can help you remember all the good things about your partner that make your relationship strong and healthy.

Remember the importance of Your Relationship

Second, it is important to keep in mind that your relationship is bigger than any one argument. When a situation becomes heated, it can be difficult to see outside of the present moment. Looking past the argument can help you take a step back and work together to find a solution.

See the Argument from Their Side

Third, every argument has two perspectives. Seeing the situation through your partner’s eyes can help you begin to understand their actions and the emotions behind the argument.

Consider What Might Be Causing their Actions or Words

Fourth, not all arguments are truly about what your partner claims it is about. Sometimes, other life stressors or outside events are causing them to be irritable.

While you shouldn’t condone them taking their problems out on you, you should address what might be playing into the argument at hand. Then you can get to the root of the problem, which allows you to find a solution more quickly.

Find a Way to Break the Tension

Fifth, arguments can quickly get out of hand because tensions are high. If you notice that things are getting too tense, try to find a way to break the tension. For example, you might try to make your partner laugh or reach out and give them a hug. Breaking the tension can bring the argument back to a place of kindness and understanding.

Be Willing to Forgive

Finally, you should be willing to forgive your partner for their bad moments. Forgiveness means that you don’t bring up an argument after it’s finished, and you move on in peace. Without forgiveness, a relationship cannot stand. With forgiveness, a relationship gains a more solid foundation.

The next time you have an argument with your significant other, remember that “It takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations.” Use these tips to keep your relationship on stable ground and strengthen your bond with your partner. You’ll find that arguments become more manageable, and the outcome of your arguments becomes more positive.

In the 2006 movie, The Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith plays a man named Chris Gardner. He is outside playing basketball with his son, who is played by Smith’s real son, Jaden. He tells his son that he will be able to excel in a lot of things, but not basketball. He tells him that he doesn’t want him he doesn’t want him shooting hoops all day and night.

His son is obviously discouraged by his father’s words. Will Smith realizes this, and says to his son, “Hey. Don’t ever let somebody tell you… You can’t do something. Not even me. All right? You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.”

Often times parents say things to their kids with the best of intentions. But it doesn’t always come out right and sometimes parents don’t realize how much they need to be a cheerleader for their child in that moment.

What I love about this movie, is that it is based on a true story. But I love the awareness that Chris’s character has about minimizing his son’s hopes and dreams.

You should never give up on your dreams because someone else doesn’t believe in you. Even if it is someone you love. You go out there and live your dreams.

And never listen to what people say you can and cannot do:

Do you struggle with overthinking about things? Perhaps you get caught up in wondering about why your friend didn’t text you back. Or you feel stressed about the email your boss sent you. Or even the list of chores you have to do this week.

We let our minds be full of random little things that stress us out, cause us to worry, or make us feel bad, taking away our attention from the gift of the present moment. We know we should be more mindful and present, but somehow we just get carried away in rumination.

According to Harvard researchers, rumination, or overthinking, is one of the biggest causes of unhappiness. So if you want to be happier (which, don’t we all?), we have to stop worrying and overthinking.

But how exactly do we do that?

Enter the brilliant five-by-five rule.

The five-by-five rule means that if something won’t matter to you in five years, you shouldn’t spend more than five minutes worrying about it.

Think About the Past

Think about where you were in your life 5 years ago. Consider the little things that bothered you back then. Do they really matter now? How much time did you spend thinking about the little worries 5 years ago, that don’t have any effect on you today?

Release Anxiety

If you struggle with anxiety, try this rule out. Write down whatever is worrying you or causing you to have anxious thoughts and ask yourself, “will this matter to me in five years?” If not, then move on. Don’t worry about it, knowing that if it was in fact important, you would give yourself more time to think about it.

The reason why this rule works so well is because it helps you identify if your worries do in fact require some thought. If you have to make a big decision that has an impact on your future, you are ‘allowed’ to spend time thinking about it.

For example, if you are deciding whether you want to make a radical career shift, like quit your job and start a business, you will realize that you should spend more than 5 minutes thinking about this decision. But, if you are stressing out about what present to get your husband, it might be a good idea to stop the worrisome thoughts.

Stress Makes it Hard to Get Perspective

When you are stressed out, your body goes into a fight-or-flight response. This makes it hard to think clearly. The amazing thing about this rule is that when you realize something isn’t going to make a big difference to you in five years and you give yourself permission to stop worrying, it can actually help you find a clearer solution.

For example, if your car unexpectedly breaks down, it can be easy to spiral down a rabbit hole full of anxious thoughts about finances, lack of transportation, etc. However, will that help anything? Not really. Instead, if you calm down and stop overthinking, you’re more likely to think of a solution.

Living according to the five-by-five rule helps be more intentional about life and letting go of unnecessary distractions. It gives you the opportunity to be more mindful about what you allow to take up your brain space, so that you can use your mental and emotional energy on other things that matter.

When you are working toward an important goal, you usually want to achieve it sooner rather than later. The idea that it could take months, or even years to realize a desired outcome feels intolerable. Like most other people do, you may have tried to hurry the process along by working harder on it or searching for shortcuts that would get you there faster.

The problem is, the harder you try to rush the fulfillment of any achievement, time seems to slow down to a crawl. The more powerful your desire to move quickly, the more likely you are to attract all kinds of obstacles and delays that will only add to your frustration. And the truth is, direction is so much more important than speed. Many people are going nowhere fast.

Ironically, when you deliberately decide to slow down and enjoy the journey, and you stop worrying about how long it will take to get there, time seems to speed up. Obstacles and delays often dissolve on their own, or you will receive inspired ideas about how to clear them. You start attracting the right people, resources, and opportunities that end up making your journey smoother, easier, and more enjoyable.

Whether your journey is rocky or smooth usually depends on your state of mind, more than anything else. Thinking thoughts of impatience or frustration will only attract more situations that slow you down and amplify your frustration. Thinking thoughts of enjoyment, fun, and ease will call forth everything you need to swiftly attain your goals and dreams.

Letting go of frustration and impatience is as simple as shifting your attention away from thoughts that trigger your dissatisfaction. For example, when you think thoughts like this: “This is taking too long. I’m never going to get where I want to be.” You will immediately trigger feelings of frustration, impatience, and disappointment. Those feelings are a signal that you are focusing on the lack of something you want, rather than having the thing you want, which means that you cannot receive that wonderful outcome.

When you catch yourself focusing more on the lack of something you want, turn it around quickly by thinking and speaking about how wonderful it will be to finally have the outcome you want. For example, if you were trying to attract a fulfilling new job, you could say to yourself: “It’s going to be so much fun collaborating with like-minded people on fun projects. I’m looking forward to finding a great company that aligns with my passions. I’m going to love doing work that emphasizes my strengths and challenges me to become even better at what I do…”

Deliberately speak more about what you want, rather than the things you don’t want, or the things that seem to not be working in your favor at the moment. This will ensure that you keep moving in the direction you want to go.

When you dedicate yourself to always looking towards the light rather than bemoaning the shadows, you can’t help but move swiftly in very pleasing directions. And if you find yourself stuck and worried about the obstacles you are facing, remember that difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

As much as you might wish sometimes that you could avoid challenges and obstacles and have your path through life be consistently smooth and easy, it’s helpful to recognize that challenges actually serve a useful purpose, in a few different ways.

The first big benefit of challenges is that they cause you to focus more clearly on what you want, that wonderful end result that you are trying to attain. When you look at a challenge that is standing in your way, whether it’s a difficult situation or a frightening possibility looming over your life, you immediately feel a negative emotional reaction to it.

This provides an opening for you to ask yourself, “What do I really want in this situation?” Asking that question and beginning to focus on your desires with more clarity will start shifting your energy to allow the solutions needed to move past those obstacles.

Challenges also provide a wonderful opportunity to strengthen your self-confidence, resiliency, and belief that you can achieve anything you want in life. When you first begin working toward a goal, you likely have some level of belief already, or you wouldn’t have attempted to achieve the goal in the first place.

However, when you are challenged to dig a little deeper to tap into your inner strength, you develop a greater appreciation for your true capabilities. After you have overcome some difficult challenges, you can look back with a sense of pride and accomplishment, and your belief in yourself grows exponentially.

Challenges and obstacles are also useful in helping you to better hone your skills and become even better at what you do. Whether you’re training for a marathon, starting a new business, or pursuing a degree or certification, you likely would not apply as much effort and attention if the whole process was smooth and easy.

When you have to rely on your wits and determination to get to the finish line, you strengthen your knowledge, develop your skills, and even learn new skills along the way. With continued focus and practice, you get better and better at what you do, which will only serve you in the long run.

The next time you find yourself feeling frustrated about any obstacles that have appeared in your path, try to view the situation as a welcome opportunity to prove to yourself that you have what it takes to overcome the immediate obstacle. You can also use them as stepping stones to develop a better, stronger, and more empowered you.

Say to yourself, “Not only am I going to get past these obstacles and overcome any challenges that come my way, I’m going to channel my inner strength and determination into creating an even better outcome than the one I initially hoped for.”

This kind of mentality immediately puts you back in charge and reminds you that no obstacle or challenge has power over you unless you believe it does. If you refuse to be intimidated and instead start to relish the challenge of climbing over and around the rocks upon your path, you will experience a sense of exhilaration that you never could have achieved by strolling along a perfectly smooth, unexciting path.

We are all works in progress and constantly evolving. As adults, this can be hard for us to see. But for the butterfly, the change is more obvious.

Butterflies are not born as baby butterflies. They hatch from their eggs as caterpillars. As larva, the caterpillar will consume plenty of leaves and grow to be quite large. One day, he stops consuming leaves and begins spinning his cocoon. This cocoon keeps his body safe as he undergoes major changes through metamorphosis. Then he emerges from his cocoon as a butterfly.

What is Trusting the Process?

As humans, it is hard for us to just “trust the process”. We are wired to want to see immediate results. But what trusting the process means is that despite setbacks and challenges, you remain committed to what you’re doing. When you don’t feel motivated enough, you keep going anyway. You remain disciplined and loyal to the path that is going to ultimately get you to where you want to be. Remember, it is the difficult roads that lead to beautiful destinations.

How Do I Trust the Process?

When you find yourself struggling with trusting the process, remember these three things:

1. Focus only on what you can control. There are very few things in life we have complete control over. Determine what you truly have control over and pour all your energy into it. In many cases, what you have control over may just be your attitude and response.

For example, you can follow your diet and work out plan to a T and still have a couple of weeks when the scale doesn’t budge. Don’t be discouraged! Focus on showing up and sticking to the plan. If you continue to not see the results you expect, troubleshoot what might be causing a lack of progress or reassess to see if your expectations are too high. Speaking from experience, sometimes you can do everything right and your body just takes a while to respond. By trusting the process and continuing when many would just give up, you will see the progress in weight loss. You just have to stick to it.

2. Know that failure is invaluable experience. For many of us, we want to avoid failing at all costs. But what we need to do is change how we look at failure. All failure is, is experience. By failing, we learned how something won’t work or new things we can try to try to make something work. This is good information to have. It’s more data than people who refuse to try or fail once and give up.

I have written extensively about people who have failed hundreds of times. Had they not pushed forward when faced with failure after failure, the world as we know it wouldn’t exist. You can check out my list of people who succeeded by failing here.

The truth is failure is an ally. It helps us learn from our mistakes and it propels us forward closer to our goals.

3. Enjoy the process. If you’re like me, when you set goals for yourself, you are focused on the final destination, not the journey. While it’s important to keep your eyes on the finish line, when you are overly focused on it, you miss out on all that you gain along your journey.

Real growth and personal development happens by going through all the obstacles along the way. It doesn’t magically happen once you reach your goal. So enjoy the process and your state of “becoming”.

It’s also important to point out that when we are overly focused attaining the goal itself, we can set ourselves up for an unhealthy mentality when it comes to thinking about our goals. We may begin to believe that we will only be happy once we reach the goal. Andrew Huberman talks about why doing the work is the reward we should be chasing. You can check him out here:

At times it’s easy to feel like you don’t matter much, and there is no real purpose for your life. You may think of yourself as just one of the billions of people occupying the planet, and you might even believe that there’s nothing really special about you. Especially if you haven’t yet achieved anything that would be considered newsworthy or impressive by most people’s standards, you probably see yourself as just an “average” person who really doesn’t have much of an impact on the world around you. But the truth is, you have much more of an impact than you may realize.

In the classic movie from 1946, It’s a Wonderful Life, the angel Clarence says, “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?” He says this to the story’s protagonist, George Bailey when George is contemplating ending his life.

This is such a powerful reminder that no matter how ordinary or average you think you are, everything you do and say affects the world around you in powerful ways. Every time you have encouraged someone or uplifted them in some way, every helping hand that you have offered, and every kind word that you have ever spoken has contributed something positive to the world. And when we feel like we don’t matter, or what we have to offer isn’t significant, we truly forget all the positive impacts we have made.

More importantly, those small acts of kindness create an echo as they inspire other people to then pass on the goodness to more and more people. Even very small acts of kindness can be far-reaching and make a much bigger impact than you may realize at the time.

If you have been in the habit of seeing yourself as ordinary, average, or ineffectual in any way, decide right now that you are going to be a person who leaves a lasting positive mark on the world that will still be here long after you are gone. If that sounds overwhelming, keep in mind that your achievements do not need to be big and flashy by societal standards, they only need to be meaningful to the people who are most affected by them.

Look for small ways to serve, help, uplift, and inspire the people around you. Think about ways that you can improve the world with the skills, talents, and resources that you have available to you right now. Connect with other people who also want to make a positive difference, and join forces to create something that will solve a problem or benefit the world in some way, big or small.

Even beyond your words and actions, allow your energy to be a force for good in the world. Hold yourself in a state of love and compassion as much as possible. Send good thoughts and blessings to the people around you. Celebrate and praise the success of others. Your positive emotional energy will radiate out and contribute positive energy to the world just as much as your actions will.

No matter how you choose to do it, strive to be a person who, when future generations hear your name, they will say, “Wow. That was a person who did a lot of good in the world.”

Life is full of leaps of faith as everything in life comes with risk. Certainly, some leaps of faith are riskier than others, but every step you take has some risk attached. We often find ourselves too scared to leap, too scared to take a chance that is presented to us. Why do we hold ourselves back from reaching our full potential?

Taking a risk isn’t always as risky as we may initially believe. Leaps of faith tend to come with a safety net to catch us if things don’t work out quite the way we planned.

What Good Is Waiting?

One of the big reasons we neglect to take a leap of faith is that we always think we can leap at a later time. We tell ourselves, “Not yet, but eventually”, and then eventually never comes. Here are a few reasons why waiting isn’t helping you:

You’ll Never Feel Ready

Many people wait to take a leap of faith because they don’t feel like they are ready to leap. However, it is likely that you will never feel ready. In fact, the longer you wait, the less ready you will feel. Like Lemony Snicket said, “If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”

You Have the Power to Do Something

Another reason you shouldn’t wait is that you have the power to do something, but you are choosing to remain exactly where you are. Now, this isn’t always a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with being content with your current life, but if you never take a leap, you’ll never know what else could be waiting for you.

You’re More Likely to Never Do It

Waiting is also problematic because it decreases the likelihood that you will ever take that leap of faith. This can cause you to miss out on incredible opportunities and experiences that could change your life for the better.

Safety Nets

As mentioned above, leaps of faith are always scary, but what if you knew there was a safety net to catch you if you fall?

Most decisions you make have a “safety net”, or some way to get out of the situation if things don’t go as planned. For example, say that you leave your job to work at a new company. If you end up disliking your new job, you can always find another company to work for. You aren’t stuck in that position forever.

Safety Nets Aren’t Always Needed

Another thing to keep in mind is that safety nets aren’t always needed. We tend to focus on the worst most of the time, but things tend to work out in our favor. While the thought of a safety net is nice, remember that there is a good chance you won’t need it.

Whatever You Do, Do Something

Imagine an opportunity just presented itself to you. What do you do? I encourage you to remember this philosophy: Whatever you do, do something.

Take a Baby Step

This may sound vague but jumping in head-first can seem a little overwhelming; if you can’t make yourself jump in all the way, try taking a baby step at first to test the waters. Get comfortable with the decision before fully committing to it.

Count to Three and Jump

If you feel that you tend to avoid leaps of faith regardless of testing the waters, try forcing yourself to take one small leap of faith a week. Count to three out loud or in your head, and then act on it. This gives your brain a deadline for action and ensures that you don’t allow yourself to wait. Allow yourself to take a leap of faith, and experience what you are meant to experience in life.