Occasionally in life you will experience a challenge that is so overwhelming and intimidating that it threatens to consume your entire focus. Especially if there are no obvious solutions in sight, you might be tempted to believe that there is nothing you can do to change the situation. As a result, you may find yourself frequently overcome with strong emotions like anger, frustration, sadness, and despair.

During times like these, there are two things that you can do to shift your thoughts and feelings into a better place. The first is to keep reminding yourself that the situation is temporary. Just because you cannot see any solutions from where you stand does not mean that they don’t exist. In fact, the best way to call in some workable solutions is to soften your focus on the problem.

Shift Your Perspective

 Say to yourself repeatedly, “This is just a temporary challenge. I have made it through tough challenges before, and I can do it again. This situation is temporary, and things will get better, probably sooner than I realize.” Hopefully this will help your stress level drop a little bit.

At the same time, avoid dwelling too much on the problem at hand, and instead deliberately find positive things to focus on. Even though you may be facing one big challenge, you also probably have dozens or hundreds of things that are going well for you. Focus on some of those things whenever you feel burdened by the negative aspects. In fact, set aside a little time to make a list of everything that is going well for you, and within a few minutes that one problem will seem much less troublesome.

Harness the Power of Hope

Next, use the power of hope to boost your spirits and call-in solutions. Rather than continuing to believe that your current situation is hopeless and unchangeable, challenge that belief by asking questions like these: “What if this situation can turn around easily? What if there are many solutions that would help? What if those solutions are already on the way to me right now? What if this is really a stepping stone that will get me to where I ultimately want to be?”

Allow a feeling of hope to flood through you, no matter how shaky that hope may be at first. Continually practice the belief that things can and will get better for you in the near future. Project your mind to a future time period when you have moved past the challenge and focus on the feelings that you will likely experience at that time, such as relief, happiness, peacefulness, and freedom. Focus on those feelings and try to feel the sense of them now.

Ask yourself, “What does relief feel like? What does peacefulness feel like?” It may take a little practice, but if you keep focusing on those feelings, before long you will actually start feeling that way in the present moment, even before your situation has changed.

Simple techniques like these can be beneficial in two important ways. First, they help you to feel calmer and more optimistic about your situation as you are working through the challenge. Even better, adopting a more positive attitude actually helps you to stay open to solutions and opportunities for improving the situation quicker and easier than you might have done otherwise.

When we are young, we feel like our uniqueness and weirdness is an impediment, rather than something to be loved. We fear being an outcast in school and sometimes even in our own homes. Feeling like an outsider can be painful.

I love the movie The Breakfast Club because it shows how weird we all are, in our own ways. And we gravitate towards cliques of people that are “like” us, and in many cases, we don’t even like these people. I feel like the characters in the movie break that mold, when they are all stuck together in detention.  

In previous posts I talked about having mean girls as friends in high school. And when I broke away from them, they came for me. For me, at the time, it felt like the end of the world. I dreaded going to school. And of course, when we are younger, we don’t fully understand the world and see the big picture just yet. So, we literally do think it is the end of the world.

The truth is, we all want to fit in. But fitting in is different than belonging. To belong somewhere means you feel welcomed and included. It is finding your tribe where you can be you and bring your unique talents and qualities to the group, and they are appreciated. It is being around like-minded, supportive people, who you can support, too.

If you are in school and struggling to find your tribe, know that the small eco-system that you are in today is not like the rest of the world. There are so many people out there and groups that you will find that are your tribe. They will accept you for who you are and love that about you.

I often talk a lot about the dark side of social media and the interwebs on this blog. And there are some serious issues I see cropping up from it that impact our mental health. But it is also a place where you can become more aware of just how big the world is. And there are many opportunities out there to connect with people your age who are like you.

A couple of years ago, my husband’s aunt passed away. She was an incredibly lovely lady who I feel blessed to have had the chance to get to know. She was a beautiful soul. And even in her 80’s she was as smart as a whip. She really knew technology because she worked with kids groups for AOL in the 90s. So if you sent Aunt Gen emails, posted on Instagram and added her to your Tripcast for family vacations, she knew exactly how to use it and interact with you.

During her memorial service, many people who were now adults, spoke about the impact she made on their lives. She was a special lady, so I wasn’t surprised that she touched so many people during her time here. But these were people from the old AOL groups, who had found the groups as kids to connect with kids like themselves.

Aunt Gen had a moderator type role to make sure it truly was a safe place for kids to go to. I think AOL tried to do as much as they could at the time to make it a safe place. As they grew into adults, they stayed in touch. Aunt Gen was a book collector and loved her books. So she was always recommending books to the kids, even when they stayed in touch as adults. She imparted a lot of wisdom to these kids/adults through the years, giving advice and sometimes just a listening ear.

What was fascinating, was that throughout all these years, they stayed in touch and her presence in their life had made a difference. So much so, that even in their 40’s her words and who she was still resonated with them. I was in tears listening to all the amazing things they said about her.

Know that even if you feel like you don’t belong anywhere right now, it is okay. What you are going through is only a chapter, it isn’t your full story.

When unexpected changes happen in life, it’s natural that you might feel a sense of apprehension about what lies ahead. This can be the case even when the changes seem to be positive. On some level, you still might hesitate and try to cling to the familiar because what’s ahead seems too uncertain.

However, clinging to what is and trying to keep things exactly as they are usually only causes more stress and leaves you hanging in a state of limbo. Things are no longer quite the same as they were, but forward progress has also been stalled by your resistance.

During times like these, it can be helpful to remember that change is the only constant in life, and there is usually no way to avoid it. Whether you are undergoing inner changes or outer changes, everything is always in a state of transition in one way or another.

Rather than resisting change, it can be helpful to surrender to the process. This may sound difficult to do with some changes, but it gets easier the more you practice it. When you notice that you are digging in your heels and trying to hold onto things the way they are, deliberately relax your body, take a few deep breaths, and let go of any resistance.

Say with conviction, “I let go of fear and worry. I let go of negative expectation. I surrender to gentle positive change now.” Try to keep the awareness that even if the changes you are facing don’t seem so positive in the moment, they can still be leading you toward much better circumstances, especially if you go with the flow rather than resisting.

Also do your best to stay present as you transition through the changes. If you allow your thoughts to race too far ahead, you are more likely to get tangled up in fear and worry because there is so much you do not know and cannot control. Keep bringing your attention back to the present moment and do what you can to remain grounded and centered. Breathe deeply and pause to regain your inner balance whenever fearful feelings arise.

You might also focus on some general positive expectations for what is coming next. Say, “Good things are on the way to me. My life is getting better and better. I’m ready for greater blessings in my life.” Avoid focusing too much on the details or trying to control the way those blessings play out. Remain emotionally detached, and instead just stay open to all good things that may come to you next.

You should find that these simple steps will greatly reduce any feelings of stress and resistance. Not only will you be more relaxed about the changes as you move through them, but your detached, optimistic attitude can actually draw forth endless opportunities to create much better circumstances than the ones you are currently releasing. Your willingness to let go and trust is the key to allowing greater good into your life.

Have you ever encountered someone who is desperately trying to win others’ approval and admiration? Chances are, they came across even more unlikeable because you could see their desperation to seem honorable. And anything good they do feels inauthentic.

When you live with honor, you don’t need to pretend. You don’t have to try to be perfect, worry about how you are perceived, or try hard to earn respect. And you aren’t dependent on external people validating that you are honorable.

How to Live with Honor

So, how do you live with honor? Keep reading.

Have Integrity

Live with integrity, according to your values. Get clear on what you value, whether that is relationships, money, career growth, adventure, family, or anything else. Remember, some people might align with your values and others may not. However, when you are clear on what you value, you can live in alignment to what is most important to you, which is all you need to live with integrity.

Be Authentic

Stay true to who you are. You can’t be honorable when you don’t honor who you are. It’s easy to pretend to like a certain kind of music or dress differently to fit in. While that might make you feel ‘cool’, being authentic is much more fulfilling. Remember, as you accept yourself fully, you empower others to accept their unique quirks as well.

Be Honest and Transparent

Being honest is one of the most honorable characteristics one can have. Sometimes it can be much easier to say a harmless white lie, but it takes courage to be honest. When you are honest and transparent, your word is taken much more seriously, and your opinions will be much more respected.

Accept Personal Responsibility

At the end of the day, we are all human beings, and we are bound to make mistakes. An honorable person takes responsibility for their mistakes rather than putting the blame on other people or situations.

Be Loyal

Don’t take your relationships for granted. Treat each person in your life with loyalty. Be a trustworthy friend. Whether it is a friend, a family member, or a co-worker, be the person that they can rely on. A true friend is an honorable friend.

Be Respectful

Treat others with respect. Don’t crack jokes at other people’s expense. Respect others’ emotions, needs, and opinions, whether you agree with them or not.

Be Kind

Small actions can go a long way, whether you give up your seat in the subway so that an elderly woman can sit down, or you open the door for your colleagues at work.

Be a source of positivity in people’s lives. Make people feel good about themselves. Compliment someone’s outfit, celebrate their achievements, and notice what they do well. Lift others up without trying to get something back.

Honor is not given to you by others. You can’t lie for it, steal it, or pretend to have it. You have to earn honor by being authentic, true to yourself, and living with integrity. Be who you say you are. Be a good friend and a reliable person. When people know that they can trust you, your word, and your actions, you will automatically earn honor.

The movie Haunted Mansion reminds us that the only true failure is when you stop trying. As humans, we are wired to want immediate results. And when we don’t see them quickly, we easily feel defeated by setbacks.

We are going to make mistakes and fail along our journey. Failure is experience and part of the process. What is truly failure, is refusing to try or get back up again. 

When you feel like giving up, remember this:

• Rejection is just redirection and experience.
• Our journey teaches us more than our destination.
• We always end up where we need to be, right when we are meant to be there.
• Be brave and let go. Allow the universe to reveal its beautiful plan for you.
• Remember that life isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you.
• There’s a reason for closed doors, unanswered prayers and blocked roads. If your plans aren’t working out right now, it’s because there are better things waiting for you.
• Doors will open for you when you least expect it.
• Be open to the world and all its possibilities. You never know when an opportunity will show up.
• Not getting what you want can be a blessing.
• You’ve overcome challenges before.
• There is always something to be thankful for.
• You haven’t come this far, to only come this far.
• The moment you are ready to quit is usually right before a miracle happens.
• Instead of looking at how far you have to go, look at how far you have come.
• Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.
• Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.
• Even your worst days are only 24 hours long.
• When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.

Growth is a wonderful thing, but it often comes along with some discomfort. You may have heard the term, “growing pains” before, which usually refers to aches and pains in the legs of children as they are undergoing a phase of rapid physical growth and development.

While most of your physical growth may have concluded by now, growing pains can also come along with intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth. In order to grow and expand in these areas, there may be certain things that need to be healed and released first.

You might have already experienced periods of intense struggle and sacrifice that tested your inner strength, tenacity, resilience, and resourcefulness. You may have faced moments of crippling insecurity and self-doubt as you learned to fully love and believe in yourself. You may have had to dismantle certain belief systems that were keeping you stuck in self-destructive habits.

These experiences may have felt a lot like you were breaking or falling apart. But looking back on your journey so far, you can hopefully appreciate how much you have gained through these experiences. And while it may not have always been fun or easy, you can see how much they have helped you to expand and grow into a better person.

The cycle of growth is never-ending and will continue for the rest of your life, and it can serve you greatly if you will begin embracing the discomfort of growing pains. While your natural inclination might be to avoid pain and discomfort, you can train your mind to recognize these moments as opportunities for expansion and growth that will benefit you in the end.

One good way to begin this process is to notice when you begin to feel uncomfortable about something, and begin questioning yourself to better understand the beliefs that might be driving your reaction. For example, if you were offered a great new job and your first reaction was nervousness and doubt, you might ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way? What about this opportunity makes me feel nervous? Which beliefs about myself could be preventing me from moving forward?”

Asking questions like these can reveal some surprising answers. You might suddenly recall hearing stories about people who became very successful and then, through a series of misfortunes lost their wealth and became destitute, so you now hold the belief that it’s better to play small and not take risks. Or you might become aware that you feel unsure about your ability to handle the responsibilities of the new position. Whatever insights come to mind, you can then begin challenging them.

Ask yourself further questions such as, “Just because other people have struggled and failed, does that mean that I must too? Even if I doubt my ability to do a good job, am I capable of learning and getting better at what I do?” Very often, when you question your limiting beliefs and self-doubt in this way, they lose substance and fall apart because they are usually illogical and were formed long ago in reaction to something you heard, read, or experienced.

As you continue to shed old beliefs and step into new possibilities, you will come to recognize and even embrace your growing pains, simply because you will understand that they are temporary and always lead to something better.

Think about the last time you saw a snow-covered landscape. What did you see? What did you feel? Snow has the ability to make even the most dreary of places into a beautiful wonderland. Similarly, “Kindness is like snow. It beautifies everything it covers.” Kindness can make any bad day a whole lot better.

In this post, we will look at the power of kindness, how it can trigger a chain reaction, and how to be a kinder person and beautify the world. 

The Power of Kindness

Acts of kindness are some of the most powerful acts you can perform. Here are just a few of the benefits that kindness provides:

Improves Relationships

Showing kindness to others can improve your relationships with people including your friends, coworkers, significant other, and family members. People appreciate kind gestures and prefer to spend time with people that treat them in a positive way.

Improves Mental Health

Acts of kindness also benefit the person performing the act. Sharing kindness with other people can greatly improve your mental health by decreasing depression and anxiety and reducing stress.

Makes a Difference in the World

Kindness also has the power to make a positive impact on the world. If everyone put in the effort to be kind to other people, a lot of the world’s problems and conflicts would improve. Even though you can’t make everyone treat others with kindness, you can start a chain reaction.

A Chain Reaction

Have you ever heard the phrase, “every action has an equal and opposite reaction”? Yes, this phrase is originally associated with physics, but it also applies to how we treat one another.

If you treat someone poorly, they are likely to treat the next person poorly. However, if you treat someone with kindness and compassion, they are likely to treat the next person with kindness and continue the chain.

Wouldn’t you rather start a chain reaction of kindness than negativity?

How to Be a Kinder Person

Random acts of kindness are usually a go-to when talking about showing kindness to others, but how can you genuinely be a kinder person? Here are 5 tips to help you get started:

Take a Deep Breath Before Reacting

We tend to react to things immediately without considering how our reaction may be received. Taking a moment to pause before reacting to a situation can allow you the opportunity to consider how you can react in a positive way.

Speak Kindly About Others

Gossip tends to be negative. We talk behind people’s backs and damage their character in the eyes of other people. One way to be a kinder person is to avoid gossiping and only speak kindly of other people.

Help People to Help People

Sometimes people do nice things for people because they want something in return. This is not what true kindness is. True kindness is helping people for the sole purpose of helping people. Avoid having ulterior motives.

Start Small

There are plenty of small ways that you can show people kindness, like saying hi to a stranger, opening the door for someone, or making your sick friend a homemade meal. You don’t have to do big things to show kindness.

Give What You Can

Finally, only give what you can give. If being kind to another person means you aren’t being kind to yourself, it won’t be beneficial to anyone. Cover your home, your community, and your network in kindness, and see what kind of positive chain reaction you can start.

Alice declares this quote in the movie, Alice in Wonderland. Like Alice, I think we have all found ourselves not following our own advice.

I can guarantee you that I have written advice on this very blog and have failed to follow my own words of wisdom. Why is that?

I think it’s fair to say that when we are dealing with our own problems, our judgment can be clouded by our emotional attachment to the situation. But because we have less of an emotional investment in other people, it is easier for us to be able to take a step back and impart, rational, logical advice. 

There are two major reasons why we struggle with taking our own advice, when we know we should.

We Believe in Our Own Limitations

I’ve talked at length about the power of what we believe. Our experience, the people around us and what we are taught growing up helps shape our beliefs.  

By the age of 3, we are relying on what we have been told by others to help us make sense of the world. We depend on adults to tell us what is best for us and what we should do, because we simply don’t know any better at such a young age. For better or worse, this is the beginning of our childhood programming that becomes the foundation of what we believe as adults.

New experiences can change those beliefs. But we tend to adhere to the beliefs we have, no matter no how limited or short-lived the experiences that shaped them were. So if we have limiting beliefs about ourselves and opportunity, we have to always be challenging that thinking.

It is Easier to Believe in Others

The reason why it is easier for us to believe in others more than ourselves, is because we know ourselves more intimately. We know all about our own insecurities, quirks, and fears. And as well as we know someone else, we can’t possibly know them better than we know ourselves. As a result, we tend to forget that other people have the same feelings about themselves as we do about ourselves.

If you find yourself believing in someone else’s ability to achieve something more than your own, ask yourself why not you? Why aren’t you just as capable as your friend? You presumptively hang around people who are like-minded. If they can do it, so can you!