We often forget how resilient we are when we start to feel insecure. We forget how we have survived 100% of all the bad things that have already happened to us. Focusing externally on feelings of safety will only get us so far. We have to be willing to trust in our own ability to overcome and persevere.

If we rely on external things to make us feel safe, we will always be at the mercy of those external things. Our sense of security and being okay does not have to be in someone or something else’s pocket.

It comes down to our mindset. The things happening around us are very real, but we determine what we have faith in. Will we have faith in something that we cannot control, or do we have faith in ourselves who we can control? We control how we respond to everything around us. We determine our path and what we do.

When you begin to really trust yourself and know that no matter what you can handle things, other things around you become less threatening. Because you know that should you face betrayal, hurt or pain, that you will be okay in the long run.

Trust your wings. You were born to fly.

When you harm someone, it is easy to not think about it or forget the impact that you had on them. You can avoid sitting with the feelings of how you hurt someone else. But the person who was harmed always remembers.

I think about bullies in school or the workplace. Obviously, there is something going on with them because healthy people don’t go around tearing down other people. However, their impact on other people is real. And can be devastating. There is no universal way to stop bullies, because every situation is different and requires a different tactic. But one thing that I have found when dealing with bullying or harm from another person is just having someone to talk to about it. Someone who can listen and validate my experience. If you find yourself in a place where you are really hurting and struggling, please reach out to someone you can trust, or even a crisis line. Sometimes just being heard makes a big difference in your state of mind.

Most of us harm people unintentionally. I consider myself pretty empathetic, yet I sometimes I really screw up. And that got me thinking about how we can become more mindful of other people, so that we be more cognizant of the consequences of our actions or what we say.

Here are some ways you can be more mindful of others:

1.)  Remember that we don’t know what kind of path others are on. We don’t know what their life really looks like. All we see is what they are showing us. Always keep in mind that just because their life looks perfect on the outside, doesn’t mean that it is. Be open to the idea that they may be struggling, too.

2.) Stop using your world view as a filter for why someone else can feel the way they do. A lot of us have a hard time with this. We get caught up in our own beliefs and thoughts about things and assume that others think the same way. Remember that the person you are talking to has their own sets of beliefs, feelings and ways of looking at things that may be radically different than you. Their feelings are just as valid as yours. Try to immerse yourself into their mindset and see how they really see things and ask yourself if you were them, how would you feel?

3.) Don’t be so quick to be the super positive person. This one is my biggest challenge. When someone tells me that’s something wrong, I want to jump in and tell them they will get through it, are super resourceful and that they totally got this. It’s nice to be supportive and helpful but saying positive things right off the bat can sound like you are minimizing and invalidating their experience. Just because you see it as not the end of the world and completely fixable, doesn’t mean that they do in the moment. The best thing we can do is listen and really hear them. Then acknowledge and validate their feelings. We can offer our positive thoughts when they are less upset, and more likely to receive them as intended.

There are always going to be haters and people who want to drag you down. They focus on you because there is something magnificent that they see you in you, even if you don’t see it yourself. For them, your mere existence is a threat.

When dealing with people who seek to destroy your self-esteem, remember these things:

• Anyone who feels the need to do this to you, is coming from a dark place and filled with insecurity. This doesn’t excuse what they are doing, it just explains where they are at. What they are saying or doing has less to do with you and more to do with how they feel about themselves.
• Don’t feed into what they are saying because it will only add fuel to the fire. Some things don’t warrant your time or response. If you absolutely have to respond, simply say, “I really appreciate you sharing your opinion with me” and leave it at that.
• Focus on spending time with the people who lift you up and who you feel good around.
• Remind yourself that no one can make you feel bad, unless you let them. You know your value and worth and it certainly doesn’t decrease if someone else can’t see it.
• Don’t allow other people’s negativity to infect your soul and the light you shine in this world. Their negativity is theirs and theirs alone.

What you put out into the universe has a way of coming back to you. We all radiate energy, it’s just a matter of what kind. If you are positive and excited about life, you will attract the same and be attracted to the same. Likewise, if you are negative or always looking for ways to be offended, you will find yourself surrounded by the same kinds of people. Misery loves company, too.

Be the kind of energy that when you walk into a room, your vibe radiates from within you. Be kind, positive and open to the world and all its possibilities. Be the kind of person who creates a feeling of warmth and goodness just by how you interact with others. 

What energy are you putting out into the universe?