If you had a massive knot in your shoelace, would you just take a pair of scissors and cut it to get the knot undone? If you did, they would be forever altered, and your sneakers would never fit the same way they did before.
This quote is such a good one to remember in handling conflict in relationships. Often times we are really quick to lash out when we are upset or are hurt. It’s understandable because we are hurting in the moment. But before we act, we need to think about how we can most effectively handle it, that aligns with our objective, self-respect and the relationship in question. The feelings that you have are always okay and you don’t need to defend them to anyone. What you do have to do is be mindful of how you choose to respond.
For example, if my boss had promised me a promotion and instead gave it to a colleague, I shouldn’t just walk down to his office and tell him off. I need to cool off, compose myself and then schedule a meeting with him and calmly ask him what changed and how can we get me back in the running for a promotion.
With personal relationships, it can be harder. For me when my husband says something or does something that really triggers me to feel alone or insecure, I have a protocol that I try to follow. I give myself 24 hours to take a step back, think about what happened, think about how I felt and put myself in his shoes to see where he may have been coming from. Then if I feel like we need to have a conversation about it because I still feel hurt, I approach the conversation from a fair, rational place, rather than being super emotional.
This applies to saying things that you might not mean. In a fit of anger, it’s easy to say something horrible to someone you love. Once you have said it out loud to them, you can never take it back. And in turn if you untie it, you can tie it again. But if you cut it, it will never go back together.
